Using Your Voice as an Instrument with Paddy Kennedy

Imagine a world where every woman's voice resonates with confidence. We have Paddy, a 70-year-old voice coach from Canada I met in Dubai in the podcast today and we talked about the impacts of negative self-talk, offering practical strategies to combat this issue. Delve into the exploration of amplifying your voice and embracing authenticity, particularly for women navigating societal expectations.

Timestamps to help you navigate this episode:
0:00 Intro
2:46 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
15:31 Evolution of Voice through Healing
24:27 The Organ of the Soul
31:46 Sponsor: Snap Supplements 25% OFF using code LUNDEN25
36:41 The Power of "I Am" Exercise
48:23 Love Yourself, Cut Yourself Some Slack

Connect with Paddy Kennedy:
paddy@communicatesuccess.com

Transcript

Lunden Souza: 2:26

Welcome to Self Love and Sweat THE PODCAST, the place where you'll get inspired to live your life unapologetically, embrace your perfect imperfections, break down barriers and do what sets your soul on fire. I'm your host, Lunden Souza. Hey, have you grabbed your free Self Love and Sweat monthly calendar yet? This calendar is so amazing. It comes right in your inbox every single month to help you have a little nugget of wisdom, a sweaty workout, a mindset activity, just a little something, something to help keep you focused and motivated and keep that momentum towards your goals. So every day, when you get this calendar, you'll see a link that you can click that will lead to a podcast episode or a workout or something that will be very powerful and quick to read. And then you'll also see, on the top left corner of every single day, there's a little checkbox in the calendar and what that is is that's for your one thing. You can choose one thing every month, or it can be the same, something that you want to implement and make this something that you can easily implement, like daily meditation or getting a certain amount of steps or water, for example, and staying hydrated and even taking your supplements. This can be something if you want to get more regular doing a particular habit and routine. You can choose what that checkbox means. So if you want your Self Love and Sweat free monthly calendar delivered right to your inbox every month on the first of the month, go to lifelikelunden. com/ calendar. Fill out the form really quickly and you will have your calendar in your inbox within a few short minutes. That's lifelikelunden L-I-F-E-L-I-K-E-L-U-N-D-E-N dot com forward slash calendar. Go, get yours for free and enjoy this episode.

Lunden Souza: 4:33

Welcome back to Self Love and Sweat THE PODCAST. Today we have such a wonderful guest I'm so excited to connect with again Paddy Kennedy. I met Paddy when I was in Dubai recently supporting my ex-boyfriend on his future business endeavors in Dubai and kind of getting a taste of Dubai life, and we just met some really wonderful people, had such a great experience there. And honestly, Paddy, after I met you and we had coffee and we just kind of chatted for an hour the three of us, I remember after that conversation being like, oh, that's why I came to Dubai, like of course I was there to help Andreas and support him in that journey, and then I was also working, running my business, helping him, and when I met you it was like such a breath of fresh air and I was like, oh, I'm so grateful for your time, for the time we got to talk, for kind of the crossover in terms of what we're interested in, what our passion is in this world, and so, yeah, I'm excited to have you here on the podcast so everyone can get a little dose of Paddy.

Lunden Souza: 5:40

Paddy, you're not from Dubai, you are. Yeah, I think you said you're from Canada. Right? You're Canadian.

Paddy Kennedy: 5:45

Vancouver, Vancouver, less close than Vancouver, yeah.

Lunden Souza: 5:48

Tell us more about you and your coaching mission and what you do and how you ended up in Dubai.

Paddy Kennedy: 5:55

Well, first of all, let me say I'm really excited to be here too, because I very much enjoyed that day that we met. I felt like I had met a kindred soul, a kindred spirit, and that's always so refreshing because there's so many people in the world and people talk a big talk, but I just felt that in talking to you, I had found somebody who was going to walk that talk, and for me that's just so refreshing. So thank you for having me today. Yes, I am a wayward, nomadic Canadian. I just love Canada, but I have very hard time living there. I don't know why. I'm just always on the road. So I have been this time.

Paddy Kennedy: 6:31

It's been four years now that I've been out, a couple of years in Oman and very difficult to get work in Oman, to get a visa and whatnot. I worked for myself and so I came to Dubai, which I never really thought I would. I thought Dubai is just like another great big desert city, like a great big Las Vegas. But boy, I'm really glad I came here because, first of all, you can live your life like you would anywhere in the world, even though it is an Islamic country. It's very wide open, as you experience is very, very safe. About 89% of the people here are, in fact, expats. So we're all in this boat together. It's like a city of dreamers and we've all come with a big dream and we are bodacious enough, or audacious enough, to think that yeah, let's do it here. So I love it.

Paddy Kennedy: 7:22

I am a coach. I started out okay, so I'm moving on in my years now. I'm young at heart, not so much in all the other places I have been coaching. It's 52 years now. I started out in my late teens, at 19, as an athletic coach. I had been a competitive figure skater in Canada and when I retired, when I missed the Olympic team, I then became a coach, and it was coaching competitive skaters. I ended up very disabled. I was born with a disability, but nobody really knew what it was, and so they put me into sports because they as a kid, because they thought, well, that would be the best thing, and I gave it my best shot and, as I say, competed until I missed the team and then I started coaching. But even by that point now, being in the cold rink and you've got to be on the ice, you know they give hockey players the great ice time. They give figure skaters the bad ice time. So you had to be on the ice at five or six in the morning and I found my body was just breaking down and I ended up really quite seriously disabled and I didn't really know what to do because all I had ever done since I was 10 was train.

Paddy Kennedy: 8:36

I mean, if the truth be told, I went to school half days from grade seven on because, you know, I was going to the Olympics. And even if you didn't get to the Olympics, in those days in the 60s, my mom was paying 10 bucks an hour for lessons. That was a lot of money. So, you know, I got I'm what they call a triple gold medalist. I'm very, highly, highly qualified, and so we all knew that the coaching business was going to be where I would end up. And if they were, if my mom was paying $10 an hour.

Paddy Kennedy: 9:08

Way back then I thought, well, by the time I'm ready to turn pro, it'll be double that. And it was. But I couldn't do it because I just found it increasingly difficult. So then I was like, well, no, I don't know why I do that, I mean really. So I had a teacher. I'm giving you the reader's digest version. I won't give you all the time from when I lost it to when I found it again, but when I was in grade 11, I had a teacher Sister Mary Carmel was her name, god lover and she said to me now you know, in case this skating thing doesn't work out like should anything happen to you, you're a very good writer and you're a very good speaker and you should always keep that in your back pocket.

Paddy Kennedy: 9:53

Now, my mom raised four kids as a single mom in those years very tough and she used to say every night after dinner we would have elocution, public speaking, they would have dinner, we'd put this dishes in the sink and then she had four kids, so there were five of us including her, and she would give us a topic and we had to stand up and speak and she went because there were five of us. We had to create limericks and we had to speak in poetic rhyme and she used to say by God, no one will know, my kids come from the wrong side of the tracks and by saying that she sounded so on the wrong side of the tracks, you know. But we all grew up to be very strong in communication, so I tried for a number of years I tried many ways to fulfill. You know, skating was an art sport, so much expression. You know, you put the music on and away you go, you just it's every cell in your body and it was very difficult to replace that. But people had always said to me, to you know, you have a really good voice for radio. I was never certain if that meant I didn't really have the face for TV or what it meant. But my mom had said forever it's not what you say, it's how you say it. So my first I went in 1990, I decided no matter how sick I get, I always have my voice. I'm going to go into radio school and you know, on the very first day. So I went to the National Institute of Broadcasting in Toronto in Canada, and on the very first day, what do you think it said on the blackboard there? It's not what you say, but how you say it. And I thought, oh, mom, we always kind of a little embarrassed because she was so different from all the other moms. You know she encouraged us to follow our art and to express ourselves. And there she was. So that was the beginning of what now has become an international career as a coach in. Obviously, in communication, presentation, public speaking, leadership and all of my work I involve the magnificent instrument of the human voice, and so that's kind of how I got here.

Paddy Kennedy: 12:11

I never intended to come here. I was to speak in Bahrain. I left, I had been in Moscow. I went home for Christmas. I came back. I was to go to Bahrain to give a three day seminar and by the time I got here back in the Middle East they had closed everything down because of this thing called COVID and I was in Oman and they lot. You had to stay where you were and that went on for months. By the time they lifted it it was getting winter in Canada. I thought, like who really? Even Vancouver is nice, but really, when you're winter in the Middle East, winter in Canada, I'm picking the Middle East and by then I had an apartment and whatnot. And then one thing just became another and I haven't been back since. And now I'm living in Dubai, and that's the reader's digest story of how this crazy cannot go all the way here to Dubai, and I love it.

Lunden Souza: 13:05

Yeah, I love that. Thank you for sharing. I said this before we pressed record and then, now that we're recording, I'll say it again. When I heard your voice again after meeting you in Dubai, it was like this landing, safe, grounded sound vibration instrument as you mentioned. I know that in your coaching you teach your clients communication skills and all the things. I love the way that your mom set the stage for that when you were younger, because I know that's a huge fear of a lot of people is speaking in front of people, being able to communicate clearly and with connection and clear thoughts and articulation. I think what a beautiful dessert, if you will like, post meal set up she created there.

Lunden Souza: 13:57

I never thought of that as a kid. I would say doing that without being prompted, my mom did hair out of our house and I was just by default of wanting to be. I would do, yeah, recite poems, do dances, be the entertainment there. I remember, in fact, I just shared a meme on social media about this on Instagram I think it was today or yesterday. But shout out to the girls who were always labeled as the talker in school, or I remember my teachers would just be like she gets her work done, then she's just talking. We got to put her outside and have her desk out there, sometimes interrupting other students.

Lunden Souza: 14:41

That story of being the talker and I remember needing to being told to by my soccer coaches and sports coaches like go run laps, because I wouldn't stop talking and I'd be engaging with other people. I also I think I'm a pretty fast talker now, but I definitely was way faster before becoming aware of it Just that story existed for me. Then I remember through and I know we talked about this as well during coffee is through that healing and working in journey and learning how to communicate and interstanding ourself even more. Our voice changes. We learn how to use the tonality and pitch. The vibration can change.

Lunden Souza: 15:32

I think we talked about people you'd worked with before who maybe have a really high voice up here but then when they come into their power, they start to understand that full bodiness, if you will, of the voice. I want to talk a little bit about that because I noticed that about myself, of course, while preserving what is uniquely Lunden in my voice and my presence and things like that, but also through a lot of the workings and healing through what was communicated or not communicated growing up or what through excavation I needed to talk about and share and bring to light. I definitely noticed that change in myself. Maybe we can talk a little bit about that the changes of our voice as we heal and grow.

Paddy Kennedy: 16:16

It's really interesting that you kept being put outside for speaking or having to run laps for speaking, because this is such a travesty that we do to women, to girls. We tell them to shh. Now a big part of my work is telling women you don't have to shh anymore, I'm not going to tell you to hush, I'm going to tell you to speak up. It's very interesting. You have a really good, strong, clear personality, but you also, like me, had health issues. There's reasons physical reasons for them, but it's also a lot the way we internalize what happens to us in our lives. But the thing about voice and I work with men and women but I'm very passionate about working with women with voice, because so many times they've been told to hush. We've been socialized. It doesn't matter what culture I mean I'm now in the Muslim culture but I've had women clients from 124 countries. They've all been. If they're loud, they're told to hush, and if they aren't loud, it's because they were told that good girls don't speak up. Good girls should just look pretty, be seen and if you're married, agree with your husband, never think, goodness, that the world is changing. So a lot of the work I do is I say to women and you'd be shocked say well, you know, why aren't you speaking up? Who stole your voice? This is a very common question. Whoa outcome? The floodgates. So many young girls and young women, or things happen to them could be a sexual assault or some kind of something. And if you ever say a word of this to anybody, and then the threat comes, so they learn right away zip. So then when they finally get to speed, they're nervous, they don't trust themselves, they're completely lacking self-love because for years and years they've been giving into this concept that I don't really have anything to say, it's best for me just to be quiet. And this can be really accomplished women. By the way, it's not just. I'm not talking about little mice, mousy little girl women, I'm talking like really accomplished women. Maybe I'm talking too much. We have this thing.

Paddy Kennedy: 18:39

So that's one of the first things like to uncover. We don't really need to find our voice because we don't lose it, but women especially men to some extent, but not as much because of the socialization we tend to have it's like we bury it up, we bury it, we cover it up. Well, I won't say that. Well, maybe I shouldn't say that. And then when women get into the corporate world or the business world and they speak up at a meeting. Sometimes they get laughed at, sometimes they get ridiculed. Who does she think she is here? She goes again and after a while they just quit talking. I mean, statistics and studies show that about 75% of the time when women are in the minority, we will remain silent.

Paddy Kennedy: 19:23

I'm passionate about stopping that one right now. So that's number one about voice and speaking. And good for you that you kept your personality alive and strong and it sounds like your mom was letting you do that, letting you recite poetry and whatnot. Because if you're a mom or at home, if they had said shh and then you were being put outside in the classroom and then you were being, you would not be able to speak as you were, because it just layers it up. So that's number one in my work. That's my big passion is to help women.

Paddy Kennedy: 19:58

I'm working with a woman right now, so accomplished, and we're doing some leadership, authentic leadership work. So authentic leadership is really knowing your own story and where do you get your strengths? So I asked her this first question how do you articulate the meaning and purpose of your life? Now this woman is so accomplished that when she started with me I thought what is she doing? I mean, she's so good. When I asked her that question she couldn't talk. Tears flooded down her face. I was like what she said, well, I don't know. I don't know. I mean accomplished beyond what most women are Right. So it's in all stages.

Paddy Kennedy: 20:46

And then the voice. Of course she goes to work and everybody speaks over her, but not anymore because we've been working now on the instrument. So the first thing we do, we work on the courage. The bravery takes the guts to stand up and stand in your truth and speak to the world from your place of truth and not somebody else's or not some borrowed truth, and that affects the sound of the voice. So the first thing I want is I want people men go through this as well, but with women I really work hard on this that they get that courage, that bravery.

Paddy Kennedy: 21:20

And then we play the instrument. Richard Strauss, one of the great musical Strauss family members, said that the human voice is the most magnificent of all the instruments, but it's the most difficult to play. And it's the most difficult to play because it's at once a wind instrument like an oboe, because a great voice happens when the right amount of air comes across, the right amount of vocal chords. But it's also like your Strativarius, violiner and guitar, because it's the vibration, that what you do with that air and that's, it's the air that makes the sound, but then it's the vibration. So if you tour to play a violin or a guitar that wasn't quote, there'd be no vibration. So it's the mastery of that instrument.

Paddy Kennedy: 22:11

Now, here's the magic. Here's the magic. You see, I mean I've been studying voice now since 1990. And I still study it because I'm so fascinated. It's an art. I chose radio. When I went to school it was radio or TV, and I chose radio because it's an art. The sound, when you are speaking from your truth, when you're in your heart and your soul and you speak, the vibrational quality of your voice actually can go into your audience's brains and it ignites, it sparks imagination. And the vibrational quality of the voice can go into your listener's brain and start new synapses, create new pathways, which means now that your audience is thinking about what you're saying in a way they've never thought of before. This is a superpower. If you're in sales, you ought to learn how to play this instrument because, yes, you could manipulate it any which way you want. I'm only interested in manipulating it for the good, for the greater good. But you can. You have such control and you can really make people think differently. It's an amazing gift.

Paddy Kennedy: 23:40

The poet when I was in school God, I hated him once, his name Longfellow Wordsworth Longfellow, I say I was doing I used to whatever. He was a very famous poet from a way back when, and he said that the human voice is the organ of the soul, that when we speak and when we're in our truth because when you're not in your truth your voice is gonna show A voice expert could tell. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. I've known people who look me right in the eye, tell me big fat, whopper, big fat lie, but the voice will quiver when it lies. It is in fact the organ of the soul.

Paddy Kennedy: 24:28

I believe that we don't have souls.

Paddy Kennedy: 24:30

I believe that we are souls. So when we get into our truth and our beauty and our goodness and we speak, we can change the world, we can increase our business. There's so much we can do just by taking that bravery knowing you gotta know who you are, you gotta know your truth. So you gotta do some deep dive in there and you gotta do some self-reflecting, because the moment you're holding back, see what happens to my voice when I raise my shoulders it gets thin, gets tinny, any stress in here. As soon as I lower them, I can get back into my register.

Paddy Kennedy: 25:15

So if I go to speak and I'm doubting myself and there's any tension, it's gonna come out and then people will go yeah, there's just something about her that I just didn't really. I don't know what it is. It was because the voice sounded like tin. So, really, and when men have this is another place where men have it more easy than we do, because they have a naturally deeper, more resonant voice. A lot of women they get that kinda and that girly voice and then they're tense, so they're not really saying what they wanna say and they're holding back muddy thinking. If you're not clear, it'll come out in the sound. It's your superpower, I'm telling you honest.

Lunden Souza: 26:04

Yeah, I love what you shared and I can think of and I'm sure people listening too can think of and have examples of exactly what you mentioned of moments where there is uncertainty in our voice or someone that we're listening to, or even moments where we just like what you just said. I'm not really sure about that person, but something I don't know, and it's not that every day. People know oh yeah, their register was not penetrating my brain in the way that it could. It's just like there's just something off that we can recognize as other human.

Paddy Kennedy: 26:38

We feel it. It's not really a thought, cause, it's a vibration. We feel it and that's the thing. And so we can't really I don't know what it is. Excuse me, I don't know what it is, but it just doesn't feel right. I don't get the vibe. I mean, we have all that language for it, right?

Lunden Souza: 26:58

Yeah, I don't get the vibe or they didn't vibe well with me. That's such the kind of inner feeling in terms of language. So one of the things in communication that I have found, yeah, just be really helpful in my own life and the lives of my clients is the integration and communication about ways you no longer wish to be who you are, now that you're changing and healing, and those conversations with people that we love, that we work with, that we're around on a regular basis so that they can continue to get to know who we're becoming right Like this okay, changing new story, I'm the DJ, I'm changing the song, I'm becoming growing, all the things and how do we communicate that to people that we love, whether they stay in that chapter of our lives or they don't? And one of the things that I've noticed is, specifically with two clients that I've worked with and am working with, is they've really worked on the communication. The delivery is good, they're speaking up in a way that they wouldn't have before, in a way that feels congruent with who they are and who they wanna be, but then still that lingering feeling probably from, like you mentioned, who stole your voice, like that story.

Lunden Souza: 28:20

But there's still that moment where it's like, oh, I'm still thinking about it. And this is why I think communication is so powerful, because it's not just the conversation, the communication, what you say, but, as humans are thinking brain later of like, did I say something weird? Was that too much? Was that not enough? And a lot of those stories I think can still be there while the volume starts to turn down, while we're still showing up to have the conversation, to communicate and connect. So what are some of the tools or strategies that you use that are helpful to like bridge that of like, okay, I'm having the conversation, I'm using my instrument and there's still, like, these lingering, limiting beliefs or things that can help that, yeah, make me feel a little uncertain or insecure. Like, how do we do that? At the same time, step up and share our voice and kind of turn down the extra Kina gallery.

Paddy Kennedy: 29:16

Nice, yeah, the critic generally it's a critic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, yeah, hey, really quick.

Lunden Souza: 29:21

I wanna interrupt the podcast for just a minute to tell you about one of my favorite supplements for hair, skin, nails, digestive and gut health, and that is Snap Supplements Super Greens with Collagen. Now, if you're following me on social media, you've probably seen me post about this a bunch because, honestly, this product tastes amazing and it's jam packed with nutrients, like I said, to support healthy hair, skin and nails. It helps support detoxification, a healthy immune system, and there's even probiotics in there for a healthy gut. It's non-GMO, no sugar added, soy free, grass-fed collagen and every scoop is gonna give you seven grams of protein, and this is why I love it, because it's not like a protein shake. It's just a scoop of powder. It tastes amazing. I put it in water or, if I want more hydration, I'll put it in coconut water and mix it up, and it's like having a nice refreshing beverage that's packed with a bunch of super greens and protein. So what I'm super excited about is that for listening to the podcast, you'll get this discount here.

Lunden Souza: 30:22

Nowhere else but for listening to the podcast, you can save 25% off on all your Snap Supplement Purchases, including the super greens with collagen, and you do that by using code LUNDEN25 at checkout, that's L-U-N-D-E-N. 25. L-U-D-D-E-N. Two five, to get 25% off at checkout. You can shop on snapsupplements. com or you can shop on my website, lifelikelunden. com/ supplements and you'll see there there's already an additional 10% taken off. But you, because you're a podcast listener, you're gonna get 25% off when you use the code LUNDEN25 at checkout. L-U-N-D-E-N. 25 at checkout to get your Snap Supplements super greens and collagen and all your Snap Supplements for 25% off. Now let's get back to the show.

Paddy Kennedy: 31:18

Which takes me to, I think, the first point that I would want to make. I don't know how, what scientists, some social scientists, do these studies. I don't know how they do it, but it is a fact that we have. Most of the conversations in our life are with ourselves. We look more to ourselves than we do to anybody, and this is the part I don't figure out. But many studies say that at least 85% of that self-talk is negative, and we do that through repetition.

Paddy Kennedy: 31:53

We oh, oh you idiot. Oh, you're so stupid. Oh, why did I? What was I thinking? Oh, I'm such an idiot. All those and we just we don't even know that we do them. I'm so fat, I don't know why I can't do this. I'm going to feel like a fool, all this negative stuff that we repeat over and over and over. So the subconscious mind, which is not capable of making a decision, the subconscious mind can't say don't say that. Whatever you tell, the subconscious mind is going to okay, I'm an idiot, okay, I'm an idiot. And if we tell ourselves that, enough, this is how we establish our paradigms. Well, they come through repetition.

Paddy Kennedy: 32:31

So we've got to flip that narrative. We've really like so in the days when I was really sick and really sick and the doctors say you're never going to work again and add it, and I bought into a hook line and sinker and you better believe I was sick. And then I realized like this can't go on, because the real Paddy and me was like I don't believe that there was something like what you had to. There's something and it's in all of us. Wait. If we really get deep and honest with ourselves wait a second, I don't buy that. And I came to a point where I realized, okay, you're not disabled, you are differently able to begin to flip the narrative Right, began to look at myself differently. Well, what do I bring to the table? And so I began to really change the way that I was talking about myself. And that's the beginning of it. And we've got and it takes work like we can't decide. You know, tonight at eight o'clock we can never going to say that to myself again and press to what's gone, because it's taken years and years and years of repeating that stuff, ourselves and the outside world telling us that you can't get, you're such a dreamer, that'll never work. What are you thinking? All those things, and we, if we don't act as gatekeepers and keep them out. They're going to come in and that's a skill that we have to learn. So that's number one, like really become aware.

Paddy Kennedy: 34:04

And you know what I did? I did the old fashioned style of cognitive restructuring. I got an elastic. So nowadays I have these nice little beaded bracelets that are elastic, but sometimes they still have to do it. But I got an elastic band and every time I heard myself in that negative talk, I'd snap the elastic and it would come back and would pinch a little bit. And in that moment of pain a little tiny, itty bitty pain I go, oh, and I'd flip it. I'd say the opposite. So instead of saying I'll never be able to do it at SNP, and I'd go, yeah, I can do that, this is easy, I can do it. And I just began to do that was just cognitive restructuring, which now it's very much more advanced. But in those days when I was, when I was first hearing about it, many years ago, 30 years ago, somebody, a doctor, said just put an elastic around your wrist and every time you hear yourself disson yourself, snap it. So that was really the beginning.

Paddy Kennedy: 35:05

Now what I do with my clients is I and I came up with this quite by accident, when I was in New York years ago and I was working with young girls I was who are young, mainly black and Hispanic girls, who were young girls at risk. And it was an after school program and I came in as the communication coach and I thought, well, I'm just going to set it up this way and they're going to give speeches. And and then I learned right away it was just after 911. So I realized right away, like they're not ready for this. And I remember one day they're not ready, like I can't say, okay, write a speech about this. They had no idea, they were just in the soup trying to figure out how to get through. Each day. They were all girls at risk, right.

Paddy Kennedy: 35:56

And then one day a young woman, she became my poet extraordinaire, my poet laureate in the group. She came in and she'd been beaten up at school by some boys and I said to her what happened and she said she was Muslim, a Muslim girl, a lot of Muslims in the black community, especially in Harlem. And she said I was beaten up by these boys and I said why? And she said they called me bin Laden's daughter and they beat me up, just stupid. And I remember from the classroom I could look down the west side and I remember to you could see where the Trade Center towers had been and they were gone. And they were more obvious gone. They were when they were there, because when they were there you just saw them all the time.

Paddy Kennedy: 36:42

And so I was 145th Street in Harlem and looking all the way to downtown and I thought how can I get these girls so that when they go out there they will not get knocked off their feet? And somehow it came to me. They have to know what they hold to be true, beautiful and good. I don't know where it came from, but I'm so grateful. So I what I did is I told this legend from the West Coast of Canada native people called the legend of Sissy Udall. He's the two headed snake sea monster and he can live and we lives in water and he can live in salt water. You can live in your tears and and he'll come at you and you suck your face and just suck the soul right out of you. So when you see Sissy Udall you should stand firm and then that moment declare your truth. So I told I performed this and they all looked at me like this lady is nuts and I thought I didn't get that. But I said that was a story about standing firm and telling your truth. So get a piece of paper Now. Listen up, anybody, because this is a make. All everybody, all my clients, still do this. Now, those girls I made five to seven minutes. I'm surprised they still like me. They're all women now. But I said, okay, finish this sentence. These things about me I know to be true.

Paddy Kennedy: 38:09

No editors allowed stream of consciousness writing. Even if you don't believe it, write it and start each sentence with I am. It was the beginning of my I am exercise, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am bright. And I got them to repeat that over and over and every day. They had to do it. They had to write it and keep that and then declare it after they wrote it. Then I'd say they stand up. And I'd nod and I'd say please, stand up and declare to the world. Would you know about yourself to be true? And they would. And they just got going. And then I'd have this Could you please evaluate her and they, what do you mean? Did her body language, her face? Was it congruent with the words and and we? Well, I didn't think she really believed it when she said that she was beautiful, but I think she's beautiful and you just watch these girls. And then I got them talking about beauty and about their own inherent beauty and then, in the same process, stream of consciousness, writing and stand up, declare to the world, and then they're innate goodness and what good, what's good in the world and what's good about them. And this been on and on and on for years. And you know, after a while, like, this organization always used to call in keynote speakers every year at the Gallup, but they didn't, because they just call the girls that were graduating. And do you know that all of those girls in that class went on to university, many of them won full scholarship all the way through their master's degrees, and I didn't know that there was not one teen pregnancy and I think in the whole time. Still, I think that they can probably say that those girls learned to go out there into that mean old city that was ready to beat them up and say I knew who they were and so from.

Paddy Kennedy: 40:07

And I would suggest you do this with your clients Now I, you know, when I give a workshop. That's the I am God. Do the I am. Exercise. I have full grown women, accomplished women, who when they do I am they, start crying because they've never talked about themselves in that way, they've never declared it. So I say you just get that every morning, take five minutes of your day and write I am. And even if you don't believe it, right, I didn't know, this is an ancient practice that goes back to biblical times. I didn't know that I, you know, I always think I'm inventing things and then I find out that they're really old. There's no, there's no original thought. We just get connected and and after they write it, they declare it. And so now I say, take that in your pocketbook or your purse, and when you're at work, if anybody comes after you, you know your nemesis, or whatever.

Paddy Kennedy: 41:00

You just go into that bathroom and you whip up that sheet and you can either, if it's good to say it out loud in front of the mirror, perfect. If not, read it and read it anytime you have to, and it's amazing what it does. And then I asked them. The next one is because, you know, I found out recently I was on speaking on a big event global thing we're online and the woman who spoke before me said that should the statistic that, when asked, only 4% of women believe that they're beautiful, like what the other 96% of us are walking around thinking we're ugly, and it's because we're all so misconstrued by this outside the fashion world. You know, you got to be skinny, as can be, and you got to be this, you got to be that. You got to be blonde hair, blue eye, whatever, whatever, whatever. It's all so complicated.

Paddy Kennedy: 41:56

So I know I say I love the beautiful way in which I, and then I make them right, and then I ask them to please stand up and declare and full grown, strong women weep when they do this, because they've never, ever, allowed themselves to think of themselves in that way. So for me, ask, how do we flip that narrative. It's deep, it's deep. That's why my program is called your brave voice, as you got to get into your deep bravery, your deepest truth, the one where nobody criticizes you and, even if you don't believe it, if you say it enough, if you repeat it enough, you get rid of the old stuff and fill it with the new repetitions. It's got to be repeated. Oh, I'm such a retro. I'm so sorry, Lunden, I'm such a retro.

Lunden Souza: 42:57

So nourishing and love the way it sounds and the way that it feels. But, yeah, that repetition is so important and so powerful and I think that's kind of that aha moment where we realize it is a programming like we think it's just us and the way that we are. But when we choose to like, do it differently and put up a cone here and start to build that new pathway and do the construction, it's like it just ends up becoming more of who we are. And I love the declaration, the, the, like you said, just stream of consciousness, putting it on paper whatever might come out, which I think is so beautiful, because sometimes it comes out and then you're like, wait what? Huh? In both directions Actually, in terms of like what we think is beautiful about ourselves, but then also to the snap of the elastic that you mentioned of those thoughts. Sometimes I'll write down even like if I just feel it like sometimes I just feel like I need to clear the filter and just get real about the shit.

Lunden Souza: 43:50

I've been talking to myself writing down a lot of the negative thoughts and also the I am some more affirmative, the more empowering things and that deep process that you mentioned, that get real process is real, because sometimes I'm like, oh damn, I didn't know I thought that about myself or oh damn, I think that about myself. You know, I'm in a little direction to create that container, to decide what we're going to say, how to declare it and letting the emotions come with it. I think that's the cool been the most important part about using my voice and communicating and connecting is being able to use words in a way that can yeah, just our more connected are more clear about how I feel and what that might look like, instead of just being an explosion all the time, like having more clarity and flow and, like you said, this is who I am, this is how I will be treated, this is not how I will be treated, and stepping into that like declaration embodiment, I think has been so helpful and so powerful on my healing journey and all of that and the repetitions are everything, and I love that you also brought up. A lot of our thoughts are repeated and they're negative and we're not even realizing that programming and that autopilot. And I see the same thing too, I mean in myself and also people that I work with, where it's like these are bad ass, amazing humans who are stepping up, declaring being vulnerable and letting that emotion come along with it so that we can process.

Lunden Souza: 45:27

It's not always just a matter of like saying and believing, but it's when it's saying and feeling and releasing and all of that, and doing that in community, with a coach, or in front of other women or people in community that are doing that too.

Lunden Souza: 45:40

It's like, oh, I find that what you mentioned as well about beauty being like the way that you look and whatever, but I feel like the more like I I don't know get naked internally and I'm around other people who do that too, that's when I realized people are beautiful and like looking at people who are sharing their truth and are shedding tears and layers and ways they never did before, and like the look in that person's eyeballs is like the most beautiful thing ever, more than I don't know what contour concealer they might have used or what eyelash extensions might have elongated their whatevs.

Lunden Souza: 46:17

I was just recently in a group and we did kind of that eye gazing, where you just sit and look at each other in the eyes and don't say anything and at the end we, after having done some deep work together throughout the course of a couple days we were just like, oh, everyone's so beautiful, not because of what they look like, but like what they were able to expose and share through that healing journey and connectedness and communication and all things which I think you and I both agree there in terms of that being what's really sexy and attractive and beautiful and needs more of in this world.

Paddy Kennedy: 46:51

Yeah, because it's real. It's not fabricated, it's real. I mean, it's real, raw, authentic people, you know, not hiding it, just being who they are. It is a beautiful thing. Beautiful Brings me to tears sometimes. When I see them, I mean I wish I could talk about some of these women, the jobs they have, because the people knew the jobs they have, but I can't right because of confidentiality. But very high up jobs and there they are, these it's so. It sounds terrible, but it's so beautiful when they cry. It's so beautiful because it's a cleansing, it's an aha, Wow. I really am compassionate, beautiful, wise, strong, tender. I really am. Or the beautiful way in which I, whatever it is, and that when you see them have tears, I get teary eyed. It sounds really twisted, but in my, in private sessions or even group sessions, when they cry, I I feel like I'm, it's, we're on the right path, because it's a release of pent up emotion and self. You know it's. I think we are here to learn self love. I think that's the whole purpose of being a human being and I think learning to love ourselves is the most difficult job.

Paddy Kennedy: 48:17

Yes, I remember once I had a. I blew it in the class and I and I in the moment I didn't. My intention was not to get near the edge of my integrity, but I did. I said something and I don't even really remember what it was, but I remember the client's face because we were on Skype in those days and she said to me good for her, said I feel like you're a little bit out of your integrity, saying that I thought I was going to die. I'm only telling you because it's in the beat. We gotta be honest.

Paddy Kennedy: 48:47

And I was in Vancouver at the time and I went down to the beach and I was just like wound up and then I said because in Vancouver we have these big logs on the beach, so I'm sitting on a log. And I said okay, stop it. How are you going to love yourself through this? Well, that's a good question. And that was. I learned so much that I've never gotten anywhere near making that kind of mistake again, because I was horrified and their old Paddy was see, you're such an idiot. Yeah, you know, you always do, because everybody, yeah, and they say you don't know what you're doing, you got him here, you're an imposter, all that garbage that comes in, right. And I just said, no, no, how am I going to love myself through this, and it was a turning point, love that Some good questions.

Lunden Souza: 49:40

I wrote down today that you talked about. Who stole your voice? How are you going to love yourself through this? I like that. I think sometimes the I don't know, I am amazing, I love me are sometimes not enough words to really like be on board with it and not really resonates Like how are you going to love yourself through this, instead of letting the autopilot chatter of what you know tries to bring us down.

Paddy Kennedy: 50:10

And I can only bring it up today in front of your audience because I learned how to love myself through it. If I hadn't, I would never tell it because I'd still be hiding it. Yeah, yeah, but there's no need to hide it. What a great lesson. I'm happy to share it.

Lunden Souza: 50:25

And thank you so much, Paddy. Thank you for not hiding, for being who you are. I'm so grateful the way that we got connected through like a, yeah, mutual friend in a way where when he mentioned you have to meet Paddy, I was like okay. And then when I met you, I was like, oh yeah, absolutely had to, and I'm so grateful to know you and have gotten to know you more in this time together and in the future. So, yeah, I am so grateful for your time. If there's anything else you wanted to share that you feel called to share before we close. And then also, what's the best way for my listeners if they wanted to join one of your programs or attend one of your coaching things, how could they best get connected with you?

Paddy Kennedy: 51:09

I'll answer that one last. The thing I want to say first is we all need to cut ourselves some slack. We are only human beings. We cannot be anything more or less than human beings. So this whole notion of trying to be perfect, trying to get rid of it, if you want to sabotage yourself, aim for perfection, because you're never going to make it. So I really want people to remember just cut yourself some slack, like, just chill, you're okay.

Paddy Kennedy: 51:44

As a skater, as a figure skater, we learn by falling. You fall enough times. You're not doing that jump that way again because it hurts. And the first thing we teach children are two very important lessons we teach them how to stop and we teach them how to fall. So first thing you teach, when you teach kids how to skate, is how to fall, because hey, and when you fall you get up, you keep going. So cut yourself some slack and love yourself to the best you can and understand that some days are great, some days not so great, it's okay.

Paddy Kennedy: 52:17

Nobody is more special than anyone else. I'm turning 71 in two weeks and I'm still doing my cognitive restructuring. I still have the elastic, as I said, now they're pretty with beads, I don't go around with a big ugly elastic knot. But there are times I'm here alone in Dubai. I'm a widow. People I get in the cab, the cab driver find, talk to me and he says why aren't you home living with your son? You have no right being in the world, you're old. I don't believe it, but it takes me back to one time when my son said why can't you just be like all the other mums and live at home in Canada? I said have you ever met your mother? I mean, you've met her in Jews. Because of me, because of our travels. So that's the thing. We're just doing our best every day. Give it your best. Some days your best is brilliant, some days your best sucks. But just give it, even if your best means like I haven't done my exercises today and I'm like you didn't do your shut up already. Walk in the evening. It's only 29 degrees, it's winter here, it's lovely. So cut yourself some slack. Be tender with yourself. Use the same tone of voice you use to your loved ones. Use it with you. You would never talk to a child with the same tone of voice that you would talk sometimes to yourself. So talk with love to yourself.

Paddy Kennedy: 53:43

That's the one, and if you wanna find out, you see my name right there, Paddy Kennedy. I'm named after my grandfather. All the other Paddy Kennedys on social media are boys, men. I am the only female Paddy Kennedy. So if you ever go, if you can remember my name and it's Paddy's, built with two D's like an Irishman, then you'll always find me. I have a fairly decent, you know, LinkedIn I'm Paddy Kennedy. Facebook I'm Paddy Kennedy. Mike, you'll always find me through just that way. I don't have little thing to show you. You know the little Q code. I don't have that.

Lunden Souza: 54:24

Oh, we don't need that. We'll just link here. Put your name in the description of the podcast and people can find and connect with you. And you have my email address.

Paddy Kennedy: 54:33

You could put my email address, because I do like email. I'm old fashioned that way, but that's right, cause I can keep track what's up. There's too many messages, right? Spend all your time scrolling up and down. So yes, that's me.

Lunden Souza: 54:48

Yeah, LinkedIn, Facebook, cool. I'll link that all in the show notes. Paddy, thank you so much for your time and for inspiring us to use our instrument. I appreciate you and thank you, guys, for listening.

Paddy Kennedy: 55:01

Thank you, thank you.

Lunden Souza: 55:03

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of self love and sweat the podcast. Hey, do me a favor Wherever you're listening to this podcast, give us a review. This really helps a lot and share this with a friend. I'm only one person and with your help, we can really spread the message of self love and sweat and change more lives all around the world. I'm Lunden Souza, reminding you that you deserve a life full of passion, presence and purpose, fueled by self love and sweat. This podcast is a hit spot for Austrian production.