How to build GENERATIONAL WEALTH and is it all about MONEY? with Jay Dhahan

Get ready for a life-changing conversation with Jay Dahan, CEO of NextGen Wealthy, as we dissect the role of authenticity in wealth creation. Together, we counter the misconceptions surrounding men and generational wealth. We also talk about our personal experiences with NLP, the empowering tricks it offers, and how it shaped our lives. We also emphasize the role of body language and tonality in communication and encourage you to see failure as a stepping stone to growth - plus a fantastic offer on SNAP supplements you won't want to miss.
 
WHO IS JAY DHAHAN?
Over the last decade, spending millions learning from the greatest legends in the world and building his wealth in Real Estate... Jay is now the CEO of NextGen Wealthy, helping entrepreneurs scale and build generational wealth!

Timestamps to help you navigate this episode:
0:00 Intro
0:21 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
4:15 Unleashing Authenticity for Wealth Creation
11:31 Sponsor: Snap Supplements 25% OFF using code LUNDEN25
27:41 Men and Generational Wealth
39:33 Fostering Emotional Intelligence and Healthy Relationships

Connect with Jay:
IG: @jaydhahan
YouTube.com/jaydhahan
X: @jaydhahan

TRAINING WITH JAY: https://www.uncageyourroar.com/training

Transcript

Lunden Souza: 2:26

Welcome to Self Love and Sweat The Podcast, the place where you'll get inspired to live your life unapologetically, embrace your perfect imperfections, break down barriers and do what sets your soul on fire. I'm your host, Lunden Souza. Hey, have you grabbed your free Self Love and Sweat monthly calendar yet? This calendar is so amazing. It comes right in your inbox every single month to help you have a little nugget of wisdom, a sweaty workout, a mindset activity, just a little something, something to help keep you focused and motivated and keep that momentum towards your goals. So every day, when you get this calendar, you'll see a link that you can click that will lead to a podcast episode or a workout or something that will be very powerful and quick to read. And then you'll also see, on the top left corner of every single day, there's a little checkbox in the calendar and what that is is that's for your one thing.

Lunden Souza: 3:34

You can choose one thing every month, or it can be the same, something that you want to implement and make this something that you can easily implement, like daily meditation or getting a certain amount of steps or water, for example, and staying hydrated and even taking your supplements. This can be something if you want to get more regular doing a particular habit and routine. You can choose what that checkbox means. So if you want your Self Love and Sweat free monthly calendar delivered right to your inbox every month on the first of the month, go to lifelikelunden. com/ calendar. Fill out the form really quickly and you will have your calendar in your inbox within a few short minutes. That's lifelikelunden L-I-F-E-L-I-K-E-L-U-N-D-E-N dot com forward slash calendar.

Lunden Souza: 4:27

Go, get yours for free and enjoy this episode. Welcome back to Self Love and Sweat The Podcast. I'm super excited about today's guests and just kind of picking his brain and learning from him. Our guest today is Jay Dahan, and over the last decade spending millions learning from the greatest legends in the world and building his wealth in real estate, Jay is now the CEO of NextGen Wealthy, helping entrepreneurs scale and build generational wealth. Jay, welcome to the show.

Jay Dahan: 5:01

Thank you so much for having me, Lunden. I appreciate it.

Lunden Souza: 5:04

Yeah, I appreciate you too. I've been, we've been connected or, Jay, connected with me on Instagram. I've been checking out all of your content, which has been so wonderful. I love the way that you bring your message to the world. One of the reels that I saw you posted about I think we're all looking for a secret to get rich and a secret to get the money fairy, just to tap us on the head and make it rain. I love what you said on one of your reels about actually the key to wealth is authenticity. I want to start there. What does that mean, the key to wealth being authenticity, and what specifically do you mean by authenticity?

Jay Dahan: 5:51

You see, when it comes to authenticity, authenticity is a great place to start, because you just started it. Social media when we're using social media and we're seeing social media and the way that these images are being portrayed on social media, driving around these fancy cars wearing all this jewelry, thinking that the fame and fortune lifestyle is what we think wealth is, this is where it's wrong. When I talk about authenticity, it's about creating your energy, who you are as a person, and showing up, because we like to wear a lot of masks, especially with social media. Nowadays, it's very easy to wear masks. Becoming the authentic self is what people are buying your products, how they're buying your products. They're following you. It's how they're liking your stuff. Becoming authentic just from a face value perspective is one thing Truly being authentic within yourself now and that's a whole different conversation.

Lunden Souza: 6:41

Yeah, and how do we be truly authentic within ourselves?

Jay Dahan: 6:45

See, one thing that one of my coaches taught me very, very young was understanding our three gatekeepers. These gatekeepers are conditioned for our mind to just do the sole function survive. These three gatekeepers. When we look at judgment, ego and fear, see the judgment of others, the ego within ourselves and the fear of the unknown. These three gatekeepers, again, are helping us just survive, but the thing is that they're also helping us survive, which means it's not really letting us be who we truly want to be. It's not letting us actually step out of our comfort zones and take on risks and really be the entrepreneurial beings that we're designed to be.

Jay Dahan: 7:23

Becoming authentic is starting to actually understand those three gatekeepers and how they hold you back, and then being able to really understand what is it that I want? See, a lot of people online are telling you what you need, but what is it that you truly want? What is it that you truly desire and deserve? And start to figure out what it is that is going to truly make you happy, Because once you can make yourself happy, you can start to actually go out and make others happy. Your authenticity comes from within. It starts to shine from within, without having to focus on trying to find it or trying to create it. Does that make sense?

Lunden Souza: 7:57

Yeah, and I love that. You said authenticity is like an inside job or starts within. I think, when it comes to happiness, as you mentioned, or fulfillment or whatever, we're looking for the things right, like the car, the boat, the relationship, the house, the income, the clothes, the jewelry, the whatever to then fulfill us and make us feel a certain type of way. And I know from coaching, and I know that you know this too, is just like that's a dead end right? And we know so many people have heard so many stories about people that like, in theory, have it all but then they're, you know, unfulfilled, extremely depressed, sad, not happy, not feeling fulfilled and not feeling authentic. Another thing you mentioned is this mask, and I resonate with that so much because over the last four or five years I lived in abroad, in Austria, for about seven years, and I was working for a startup that eventually got bought by Adidas.

Lunden Souza: 9:01

I was the face of the company, I was run-tastic fitness coach Lunden, and I remember people asking me like how do you always stay motivated? And I was like, oh well, I'm not always motivated. Actually, people would be like what you seem and you act as if you're always motivated, and I kind of struggled through this kind of maturity process and just this growth process of being like can I be a fitness coach? That's not always motivated and how do I show that? And after a long time, I really felt like exhausted of putting on this mask of like, okay, I'm a fitness coach, which means I need to be working out, which means like no rest days, which means like always motivated, which means like always smiling. And even when I look at some of those older videos just being completely honest, because we started in 2012, YouTube videos, all the things it's like I can see that mask. I can see that in authenticity now, in my voice, in my nonverbal communication.

Lunden Souza: 10:02

And not to say I was purposely doing that. Of course, you don't know it until you're aware of it, but it's been so cool to be able to kind of like and land in this space of like. Oh, I know what I want, I know who I want to be, I'm becoming more of who I want to be and there's more integrity there and alignment and a lot of those things. And so when you said that mask, that really resonated with me because I remember, yeah, like writing in my journal at one point, like I will no longer wear this mask l ike I can you know, cuss, if I want to, I can have these off times. If I want to, I can you know really be the essence of what it means to be me, and I don't need to put myself in a particular box. Do you have a story of that? Were you ever wearing a mask? Or like really have that moment where you look at yourself or previous versions of yourself and you're like, oh, total mask moment, total mask moment.

Jay Dahan: 11:00

Absolutely. And first, you know a lot of people listening maybe just thinking like how do you take off that mask? And I just want to give, I just want to give that like what you just shared right there. You've put in the work. You put in the work you just said, you know, like that was how many years ago, almost 10 years ago. So it takes time to focus and work on yourself. That personal development isn't just going to a seminar or reading a book. You know, it's actually putting in that time and that work to continuously develop yourself, to understand yourself, to believe in yourself, to know that you know.

Jay Dahan: 11:29

And going into my story, of course, there's time, like I used to be very fearful of public speaking, like fearful to a point where I would go to conferences. I'd be the one sitting at the back, never raise my hand there, and as soon as they were finished, I would get up. I got right a lot of pages of notes and get a lot of information, but I would be out of that room, not wanting to network with anyone. Now I'm on stages in front of thousands. How did that happen? Because I was putting on a mask. My mask, though, was a fear. It was a fear and it wasn't at the time. I thought at the time it was fear of failure, because we most of us we don't want to fail, but with all the failure that I've already gone through, kind of learned from John Maxwell's way of failing forward and said it wasn't really the fear of failure and it was the fear of success for me, which was very interesting. My energy coach first talked to me about that. She told me she said it's the fear of success, Jay. And I said well, why would I be fearful of success? That's all I actually want and that's all I want. That's all I'm craving. And she said well, listen, you're fearing that when you get to that position that you want to be at that, you're going to have to maintain that, and that's a fear of its own. And I said, hmm, so the mask that I was putting on was that fear, that fear of the unknown, which is well what happens if I do become that speaker. Will I be able to maintain it? Well, will I talk about who will listen to me? I started creating thoughts in my head that were not even existed. So taking that mask off for me was taking that time to work, just like you did, taking that time to work through it and working with coaches, digging deeper into my subconscious levels and really being able to figure out okay, where do I actually see myself? What's my ideal lifestyle? I always start that exercise with a lot of my clients, which is, you know, just imagining that ideal day where money doesn't matter anymore. You got 50, 100,000 coming into the bank every month for the life.

Jay Dahan: 13:07

How do you wake up? You wake up in the morning. Who are you laying next to? Okay? You go to the doors. You open them up. What are you looking at? Is it a beach? Is it a cityscape? You go downstairs. Is your spouse making breakfast? Are you?

Jay Dahan: 13:17

You know you go to the garage. What are you driving? You know what are you wearing? Where are you going for eight hours throughout the day to commit, to work Some contribution to society in its own way? You come back home. Is it date night, is it? You know you're picking up the kids from school, is it? You know you go to sleep and you enjoy that day. So what is that ideal framework? And when you can start to understand that that kind of gives you that purpose, that purpose, then to say, okay, I have to work through it to get to that ideal goal, which is me working on myself. It's like getting into that boxing fight and that person that you're fighting is the most ideal version of you and you're fighting, you're fighting and you know by the end of that match, when you win, you become that person. But it's a matter of going through those 12 rounds.

Lunden Souza: 13:56

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Lunden Souza: 15:52

Now let's get back to the show. Yeah, totally, and I reiterate that it does take time, right? We don't, you know, just hire a coach and do three months of work or whatever, and then automatically poof. You know, it's more of like an excavation process and an interstanding process, and I love the verbiage that you used of failing forward. Before we pressed record, jay and I were having a little chat about NLP, neurolinguistic programming, which has been profound in both of our lives, and really that reframe, that unlearning and that relearning using our words as our superpower, as a frame of possibility has been so profound in our lives and to your point of getting our clients to expand and think about what does this look like, what does it smell like, what is it like getting that full sensory experience of what we want.

Lunden Souza: 16:47

But we can be so stuck in that fear of what some people think is failure, and I'm so on the same page with you when it comes to it's really not the fear of failure, it's the fear of success. But that can keep us so like, like you said, in the back row on the wall, in this small space where we don't even have the capacity within our nervous system to like think beyond. You know, right now, in this moment, of being afraid of taking that step forward. And so I just love that process of like huh, having that, that ability and that that feeling within our nervous system to be like, okay, I can start thinking about what that might look like as I start to take off that mask and release that fear a little bit. So then it's like you can broaden your focus a little bit more and not be so much in that fear, fight, flight, whatever.

Lunden Souza: 17:36

I sometimes add another F, which is facade, and I think that's what mine was because, yeah, I just grew up in a very strict, conservative Italian family of immigrants. It's like you have to look a certain way, talk a certain way. We don't talk about our problems. We got to be like this, because you know that's the way that my grandfather survived coming into another country. So for me it was like this facade of like I need to be this certain type of way or else I'm not going to be accepted or understood, or things like that. But I want to ask you, like, how has NLP impacted your life and what, specifically, like, has it helped you, helped you rewire, and how does it show up in your world?

Jay Dahan: 18:17

You know, NLP, just in general, is is is incredible because, from the basis of just a simple understanding, it's just rewiring your thoughts and being able to do that to yourself. Yes, there's techniques you can do, there's practitioners that you can go to, and I completely understand that avenue. But the understanding, the basic understanding of being able to actually understand the 450 words per minute your brain can actually perceive, to be able to just slow that down, I think was the biggest thing for me. I'm a overthinker and analyzer. I'm always thinking 40 things at once. I'm sure a lot of people are but really to be able to have that control to slow it down.

Jay Dahan: 18:52

You know, talking about my fear of public speaking back in the day, you know it was one sentence or kind of one ideology that I took and was able to really instill it into my subconscious that helped me overcome that fear and it was as simple as understanding that 55% of communication is body language. It's how you see me right now Our eye movements, the, you know the actual energy that's here. 38% now is my nonverbals, it's my tonality, it's my pitch, it's my volume, it's the way that I can put character to my voice and only 7% is just the words. So a lot of the times when we're fearing public speaking, it's interesting. We're still concerned about saying the wrong thing, but it's not necessarily the words that even matter, it's the way that you're actually articulating them. So getting good with energy and getting good with people all stem from NLP by having that confidence and being able to do simple exercises.

Jay Dahan: 19:42

One exercise I love to always talk about is the circle of excellence. You know, it's one that you can almost take yourself as a the hardware and start to download software in an exercise where you draw a circle in front of you and every time that you step into the circle you download information. This could be from a coach, this could be from a hero, a mentor, somebody, but some sort of attribute from them that you want to download like a computer. And when you do this type of exercise, this is instant confidence boost. This is instant things that you can do to remap in the moment, because people have strategies to help you become confident on a long scale.

Jay Dahan: 20:15

I understand that, but what happens when you're you're stuck before that presentation. You're stuck before that, that business meeting. You know you're going on that date for the first time and you're getting all nervous. How do you clear that up? Get your mind focused so that you can go and be present, because being present going back to your original word of authenticity, being present is the number one way to be, to be authentic.

Lunden Souza: 20:36

And that present moment. I don't know if you know of or are familiar with the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza, but I absolutely love him and his work, have gone to a lot of his retreats and that present moment is the unknown. Right. We know the story of our past that you know, half of it is made up anyways, and we can somehow get worried about this particular future based on our past. But that present moment, that unknown, is really where that magic and that authenticity can really, can really bloom. You talk a lot about generational wealth in your content and in your coaching. What's the difference between, like, being rich and generational wealth? And what do you think holds people back? Because money can be a very sticky, uncomfortable, you know, like kind of naked topic. So how, what are like some common roadblocks that you help your people, clients, circle, overcome to build that generational wealth? And like what specifically is generational wealth? For those listening that maybe you know have heard that word but aren't really sure, like specifically, what that means no-transcript.

Jay Dahan: 21:48

Let's go to the definition first, wealth. The word wealth, for me, is associated of many things. Yes, money is a portion of that and it's a tool in the toolbox and it may be the sharpest one, but it's just a tool. There's a lot more that comes with wealth when it comes to relationships, honesty, love, loyalty, respect, things that money can't even buy. So when you understand wealth to a bigger scale, it's about having the accumulation of abundance and freedom. That's really what wealth is defined on my side.

Jay Dahan: 22:16

The generational part now is being able to create a legacy, being able to actually put a staple into the world, and that's where a lot of my IP comes from. The uncaging your roar. It's speaking your authentic message to the world and being able to like I overcame my speaking ability, now shining out there to showcase people, to go roar, because every human has a message, a story to share. So that is the really the focus. The intention, however, is the most powerful thing. Now. You see, when we talk about generational wealth, we talk about intention. When you look at the three generations and I'm you know I love the psychology side of things, so I go more for the thought patterns. It's funny, when I talk about generational wealth. We're not even talking about the money supply. I could sit here and I could talk to you about the economy and I could tell you about the real estate markets and I could tell you about that, but that's not really where it's at. Generational wealth is understanding what era of people came in and what were their psychological thoughts. But, more importantly, what was their intentional thought? Now, when you have the baby boomers era, that baby boomers era was very, very interesting because their era, their psychological brain was wired to survive. And when I mean work to survive, I mean they would get beaten at work because all they were conditioned to do was to survive. If I do not work, I do not put food on the table, my family dies. Very simple, very simple, but it worked. It worked for them in that era, for them to have that lifestyle to be survival mode.

Jay Dahan: 23:35

Then the next generation came in. The next generation was interesting because they came in in the information age. They came in now where it was okay things are moving now, things, the wars have stopped, things are now the economy starting to change up. Now we're hitting the 80s, we're hitting the 90s, there's technology slowly coming into the picture. But what was very interesting about that era is they went now not for survival anymore, they went for standard of living. Standard of living was their intentional thought, which was I just got to be able to make enough money so that I can pay for my mortgage, I can pay for my car, I can send my kids to college and that's my standard of living. The white picket fence that was their intentional thought for an entire generation.

Jay Dahan: 24:16

When it came to wealth, the last and final one, the one we're in right now, whether you call it the millennials, whether you were in the digital social era, the generation of the digital and in this age, it's very different, because we're no longer going for a standard of living anymore. We're going for a quality of life. We would rather get paid less to have conditions that meet more of our daily feelings. Going back to NLP kinesthetic. Kinesthetic is the biggest one now because it's a matter of how I feel now, if I feel that I'm important, if I feel that I'm recording content the right way and the way that I'm showing up in the world. It's all about feeling now. So that quality of life now is very interesting when you take all three of these generational thoughts and these intentional thoughts, you take it to now applying that to yourself.

Jay Dahan: 25:05

What is your intention? What is your intent now If you know that it's the quality of life? What is that quality of life? Let's get more defined. Let's go back to that ideal day. How does that ideal day look? Who's laying next to you? What are you looking at? When you start to map that out, slowly and slowly doing that work, you start to now peel those onion layers off to get to the core, which becomes your life purpose. That creates motivation beyond measures.

Lunden Souza: 25:31

Ye s, I love that you talked about the different generations in terms of their thought process and understanding of what is important in terms of a whole generation. I'm going to grab something right here for those listening, you can't see it, but for those watching you can. I look at this every day. This is my great grandma, my nana, and I'm getting the tingly nose feeling because it's important, because I get to see. She came from Italy, her thing, just like you said, just you just work.

Lunden Souza: 26:05

She was, quite frankly, treated like garbage by my papa's mom and her sister-in-law. She never saw her family again, ever, because she didn't have technology, she didn't have phones to call. She found out that her mom died because somebody took a picture of her mom dead in the casket and sent it to her in the mail. She gets a picture. Then I think about her inability to speak her truth in her voice, which was also passed on to my grandma who, despite being a Scorpio like me I'm like you're a Scorpio, are you sure? She just is very silent, doesn't speak her truth. Then, just seeing how that was passed on to my mom, and then looking at what I'm doing now and being like NLP communication speak your truth, say who you are, live that authentic life.

Lunden Souza: 26:52

I think that generational stuff chunked up, let's say, of baby boomers and millennials and blah, blah, blah. But when we have those pictures of our ancestors and we remember what they went through and understand that even more, I think that helps. At least it helped me release some of the anger and resentment from like why, how, whatever, that happened within my strict Italian family, to really lean into and root down into what you mentioned of purpose and what that real wealth can be and what that authenticity could look like. Thank you for mentioning generational wealth not only being like someone got a lot of money and passed it down to their grandkids and great grandkids and whatever, but understanding what they might be thinking about and being grateful for that. I can't even imagine that life that my nana had. But then I'm so grateful because now I have this opportunity to be like okay, like you said, kinesthetic. What does that feel like and how do I want to live?

Jay Dahan: 28:00

And you mentioned that gratitude. Gratitude is the one and soul factor that can completely defeat any negative emotion.

Jay Dahan: 28:09

If you're feeling any type of negativity and you turn that onto gratitude, you'll outbeat it every single second. So that is the most powerful one that you came out. There was the gratitude being able to understand, and that is sometimes in this generation. It's hard for us to understand that because we are so focused in our day to day, in our go, go, go. When you start to actually put that in perspective for your yes, even like you just went up heritage, like you just went up into your generations, you just took that four generations higher and that just even right there, while you were looking at that picture, you felt that emotion. You felt like wow, like that's incredible to feel that. And now that's giving you more motivation and more purpose to showcase what you can now do in your era, the roar that you can now get out there to the world.

Lunden Souza: 28:52

So I love that, I love that, yeah, and sometimes I look at this picture and I'm like she was very quiet, hardly talked that much, and I like feel her being like go Lunden, keep talking, like say the shit, you know, like don't be afraid.

Lunden Souza: 29:05

So I feel very rooted on ancestrally or from these past generations. Let's talk about money a little bit, because I know you mentioned, you know, there is a money component that comes to generational wealth and what you teach and what you, what you coach on. As a man, do you feel like there's more pressure on men versus women to, let's say, make the money, have that status and power that comes along with income? That would be like my first question and then my second question, to go along with that, would be like how can we support our men in that process Not to say that women are not in that process, but this is just something that I'm interested in too, because you're a man, I'm a woman, we're both in heterosexual relationships and how do we better support our men on this quest for creating this wealth and creating this legacy?

Jay Dahan: 30:07

I love that question. So what I do is I have a little mastermind that I've created to about 250 men across the globe, and it's a men's only mastermind for a reason because, you know, a couple of weeks ago we were talking about, yes, money, and I wanted to address that money point. But the biggest thing was is like us men feel pressure. We do feel a pressure, but the difference is we just don't talk about it. So the thing is is that us men, we just were so easy to suppress our emotions so we don't think about them. It's like when we were younger, in school. You know boys, you know they get into a fight, they punch each other and they're back and playing soccer. Women, however a little different.

Jay Dahan: 30:42

That was a little bit more of a conniving game. Now, let's ruin her life. Now let's ruin her whole school year, right. So it's just a little different. When you use that simple example, you start to think about it. Now it is pressure from an income, from a money standpoint, right, with women really being in this movement of independence, which it should have been like that from the beginning. There shouldn't have ever been any separation, but at the end of the day, that movement still has shown a trickle effect. It has shown the fact that, like, a man now is going to feel a bit emasculated because the fact that you know the woman might be making more money than him, so now he's now going to put on more pressure on his side, saying, well, if I don't, if I'm not making the money and driving a nice car and doing all this stuff, I don't think I'm going to find a woman. Yet in the opposite way, a woman really just wants a man to just love her and take care of her. That's it. Keep her safe.

Lunden Souza: 31:29

He has nothing to do with her.

Jay Dahan: 31:31

Yeah, he has nothing to do with the money. Well, to a certain degree, of course, but what that is showing, though, is from an income standpoint is, again, our psychological wired. Minds are very one thought at a time. Y'all. Women can really be processing and doing a lot of things at once. We're very like we're. It's like the game of chess Like the king can only move one spot at a time, the queen can go all across the board.

Jay Dahan: 31:51

So when we know that we start to think of that from an income standpoint and we say to ourselves we're putting this pressure on our heads and we're not being able to release it, I think that is really the biggest. You know. When you said, how do we support that is being able to have open conversations with men themselves. So what I've noticed in my lines and call now is that men are starting to chime in. They're starting to actually release emotions. They're talking about certain things that are happening in their relationships where they've never had an open space to do that because of the way that social norms. It's like oh, are you gay? That you're talking about emotions and rub some dirt in it. You'll be fine, be a man, be a man, and that, again, is a very, very bad way to condition especially young people, because it's a lot of confusion you're giving them, especially in the social era that we're in. So what I highly recommend my men to do is, first of all, get a part of a group like that and for the women out there, you know, encourage them to be a part of it. It doesn't mean like we're doing this mastermind in Vegas and my girlfriend, she says to me she's like yeah, but you know, they all have wives and I don't know if they just I don't know if the wives are going to be okay with just a new little group of men that they found, that are going to go to Vegas together. Like it seems like and I was like no, invite them to invite the women, to let them come out, let them have a little bit of a spa treatment day.

Jay Dahan: 32:59

Well, while us men can do the mastermind and we kind of make it a couples thing, the point is is that women, the women side of things, need to be a little bit encouraging on that factor. It needs to be a little bit more so and like let the man have a night to go out with his friends. Like, don't, don't put so many barriers on him. Like, let him be a little bit free, because we'd like to be rah, rah but also have certain you know parameters, like make, make certain deals with one another, just as from a couple standpoint, but from also just outside of a couple standpoint. Right, have that fresh conversation, trying not to put those labels on to it and and and associate with different things, when instead it's just a real conversation to have. It's like how do you feel about this? Like, let's talk about it. So often, so far.

Jay Dahan: 33:39

Often we actually sit down with our partners at the end of the night and say can we just do a self reflection on today? Was there anything that I did today that maybe you know? Maybe you know during the work day or during the other day, like anything that I've done? Let's open that up, let's decode that thought, let's go back into it. What was, what were my thoughts, what were your thoughts? Okay, let's remedy that. Let's put the bow on it so that we can still focus on what we need to.

Jay Dahan: 33:59

Because us men, when we get into an argument with our woman, it's funny because in that moment we're in the argument, but the minute that that argument is over, to us men it's like okay, the argument's done now, now I can go back to my normal world with the woman's like whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. We have not finished this yet, so take that time, take that extra time to just sit there and say, no, let's just take five minutes, let's set a timer and let's release our emotions. Let's give this a chance. And that is the first step. After that, there's a lot of different ways that you can kind of open up, but I would highly recommend that for most couples out there, and especially men that are maybe listening to this, that are thinking of themselves. Like you know, I do sometimes have emotions. I want to be able to express them. You do have the right to express them, so make sure that you are finding the right community to do that with.

Lunden Souza: 34:40

Yeah, I love that, being able to be in community, in a safe space like you've created for men and other men to feel like, oh, I'm not alone, because I think that's important and I think in relationships they can't be our only outlet. I think Estaire Perrell says that it's like we want our partner to be like our best friend, our confidant, our provider, our safety net, our all the things, and at the same time, we're all freaking humans. So I think what you highlighted there is like, yeah, having that safe space, that community, but hey, wives are invited, if you want to come to Vegas, we're going to be mastermining, if you want to go get a massage, and then we can all hang out later, great. And then having those conversations of and the way you described it reminds me of two people versus the problem, or facing the situation versus you did this wrong. Ok, well, you did this wrong.

Lunden Souza: 35:34

One of the phrases that I like to use a lot with men in my life is just like how can I support you? How are you feeling? And like, how can I support you? Not judging their emotions or trying to fix it or whatever, but just like creating that open space to vent, because I think, as women, we do that a lot, like unpack the basket of the day, of like this happened and this happened and this happened. And I think that even though maybe men as a whole overall haven't been conditioned that like that's OK to do it, I really do think, because some of my closest friends my neighbor is a guy, you know like I love being around men and what I'm noticing is like no, they actually do want to unpack, it's just they haven't been taught that it's safe or OK and they think it's like you know, like you said, like you know not masculine or whatever, and being able to just like listen and hold that space. And how can I support you? Because then they're going to feel less pressure, you know, more motivated to go after their endeavors or go after on that path. And I think you said it's called the lion's den.

Lunden Souza: 36:43

Is what you've created, is that what you said? Cool, and I think you know and correct me if I'm wrong but I think, even if there's a woman listening now to even be like, oh, to their partner, their male friend, whatever, hey, I was listening to this podcast today and you know there's this guy, jay, that was a guest on the podcast and he has this group called the lion's den, where, like men get together who are like really wanting to increase generational wealth, really wanting to up level and like, yeah, maybe you should check it out, Just like here's the link. You know, instead of being like you never open up with your emotions, I feel like you're so closed off, you never listen to me, you never tell me how I can support you. Like I think sometimes, as women, like you said, of the high school scenario of like ruining someone's life and making the whole school your shit I think on accident we can sometimes do that and so I feel like some of those phrases of just like, how can I support you? How are you feeling Not needing to have the answers, just letting them unpack and, as we learn in NLP, just kind of repeating more or less what they might say back to you, you know, within reason, and just like hearing and listening and then also giving suggestions without expectations.

Lunden Souza: 37:52

Right, it's not like you need to go to the lion's den here's the link and you better go because they're doing a thing in Vegas and I want to come to, you know, like just being able to kind of suggest that and pass it over, without expecting that our man or our friends or whoever we're reaching out to like have to do that. Would you say those are some good ways, or do you have other options of things we could?

Jay Dahan: 38:15

say, as women, I agree Absolutely.

Lunden Souza: 38:18

Yeah, cool, I love words and I mess up a lot, you know, and so I like to. And what you said about NLP is that you know it helps you slow down a little bit, and in my brain, nlp is like a speed bump where it like gives you a moment to like slow down, look both ways and like go over the speed bump and be like, okay, you know, slow it down a little bit. Do I want to say actually what I want to say or is what I say actually what I mean?

Jay Dahan: 38:50

Exactly. I love that. Words are very powerful. Words are very powerful. Yeah, like I said, you can say the exact same sentence but a different way with different tonality changes it Right.

Jay Dahan: 39:01

So we've got to be very careful on how we're actually going out there and empowering people, because you know, going back to social media, a lot of people are out there right now as coaches, as influencers. You know showcasing all this motivation and showcasing all this content it's like, but you know, really be looking for, for somebody that, going back to the authenticity, that's whole and complete, giving advice, whole and complete. They have to be a demonstration of what they're preaching. See, when we're talking about NLP, we're guiding on NLP is because we've gone through NLP, we've understood it, we've gone, we've gotten certified, I've gone ahead and gone a little bit deeper, into the hypnosis side of things as well too, to really be able to channel how hypnosis works. And it's funny because we're getting hypnotized every day all commercials, all advertisements, our attention spans, it's all hypnotism. It's not clucking like a chicken when somebody can do it on stage, but it's understanding that wiring of our brain. And even, you know, going back to men as well too, it's like men. You know, there's a. The statistic was last year, 13% of men sought out personal development and coaching and 64% of women Like, look at it, look at it, look at it 13% versus 64%. So we're already kind of a little bit slow in the game because we're not really giving ourselves the permission and really having that emotional capacity to go do that. We're just trying to be all raw all the time, focusing on work, trying to make money, thinking it's going to actually impress the woman. But we should really just dial back a little bit and exactly what we said in this call some of the strategies like take that time to sit there, take that time to ask your partner hey, like you know what? Like let's just let's talk about it and and not going forceful on it either.

Jay Dahan: 40:29

So when I say that, a little quick little technique I wanted to wanted to share as well too, was you know, one thing that that me and my girl do really well is she'll kind of know that. You know, if she sits me down and says, hey, like how was your day? Like is there anything that you want to talk about, that kind of automatically starts to maybe go like Whoa, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. But what she noticed is now she can start to say, okay, you know what he's, he's good in movement, so she'll she'll say let's go on the balcony, let's go, let's go, let's go look at the, let's go look at the water.

Jay Dahan: 40:55

All we're looking at the water. She'll start to kind of bring it up in a different way, like, yeah, the day was really good today, no, and then, and that kind of just opens me up in a softer way to actually get emotional about it in a different way, because I know I tend to see myself as a man put those guards up and I got to go, okay, no, no, no, no, put those down, put those down, relax, relax. So this is just a different, softer approach with that to really like help men kind of ease into it a bit because they don't want to talk about emotions. I'll tell you that now.

Lunden Souza: 41:20

Yeah, and I can totally imagine what you're saying about like setting the stage. It's almost like the therapy session, where there's two chairs like facing each other and you're like, honey, sit down, how was your day? Versus like, hey, babe, let's go on the balcony, like the sunset's beautiful, and you guys are more side to side and just like casually, like conversation, ninja, in some good questions, to help your partner feel more available and open. And I absolutely agree, cause I can think of moments with previous relationships where I did not do that, where I'm like, sit, stay, we're going to talk about this, and you know, and learning that that is not the way to connect, and that is not a way to.

Jay Dahan: 41:59

And for men as well too. Doing that for your woman too right, like being creative on that side by asking her questions. You know that that's another thing that we sometimes we just forget about it. Honestly, it's not like we're doing it on purpose, we're not out to get y'all to tell you, but we just sometimes don't really think about it to realize like, oh, I should actually ask those questions, like she said. She just said good, oh, that means that doesn't mean just good. Like maybe I need to kind of like dissect a little bit and kind of do my own little kind of techniques a bit to kind of warm her up and say, hey, let's go for a walk, let's go talk. I, you know, let's go clear the energy a little bit and just go do something else. And that is really important for men to also stand up and really really be there for their women as well too.

Lunden Souza: 42:35

Yeah, I love that it goes both ways. One last question, because you mentioned that generational wealth was like leaving this legacy, right? What legacy are you leaving? What do you want to leave before you go?

Jay Dahan: 42:51

So, funny enough, my name, my full name, is not just Jay Dahan, so my full name is Jeevan Jeet. That's my first name. Sing is my last name and Dahan is my last name, or my middle name, sorry. So Jeevan Jeet Sing Dahan, translated in Punjabi, means winning at life as a lion for the next generation, which is my last name. So my name was intertwined in my purpose from the beginning, which is incredible because I not I only really understood and realized that very recently in my life. So the legacy that I really want to leave is really being able to empower people to live a life by design, to helping them really uncage that roar, because when I say uncage roar, uncaging is really being able to understand the brain, understanding the two minds and really being able to think clearly. But roaring, roaring is where you actually go out to the world and you spread your message, you share your voice. One human being can change the world as long as you can uncage your roar. So that's the legacy that I want to leave in this world.

Lunden Souza: 43:53

I love that. When you said the name your name and what it meant I literally got goosebumps over my whole entire body, so that was just really special. Thanks for sharing. Thank you so much, Jay, for your time and for being here today. I feel well, yeah, upgraded, after having a conversation with you. Truthfully, Let our listeners know how they can connect with you. I'll, of course, put everything in the show notes, but go ahead and share social you know website things like that so those listening can connect with you.

Jay Dahan: 44:21

Absolutely. First and foremost, I just wanted to say thank you for having me on here. You know, taking the time for you to do what you do is the best, because it takes people like you to spread more awareness and more of that roar. So thank you for doing that and having me on here. And, absolutely, if you want to get in contact with me, the best place would be is Instagram and my handle is jaydhan, so that's J-A-Y-D-A-H-A-N. That'd be the best place to get in contact and we can definitely open up more conversations from there.

Lunden Souza: 44:48

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Self Love and Sweat The Podcast. Hey, do me a favor wherever you're listening to this podcast, give us a review. This really helps a lot and share this with a friend. I'm only one person and with your help, we can really spread the message of self love and sweat and change more lives all around the world. I'm Lunden Souza, reminding you that you deserve a life full of passion, presence and purpose, fueled by self love and sweat. This podcast is a hit spot. Austria production.