Becoming A Next Level Human with Dr. Jade Teta

Join me in this episode featuring Dr. Jade Teta, a renowned Naturopathic Doctor and creator of the Next Level Human philosophy. Explore the journey from Base Level Human to Culture Level Human, and discover the transformative power of becoming a Next Level Human. Learn how to turn suffering into purpose and make a meaningful impact in your life and the world.

Timestamps to help you navigate this episode:
(0:00)  Intro
(0:21)  FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
(2:20)  The Birth of Next-Level Human
(10:18) Understanding Base Level, Culture Level, and Next Level
(16:22) Sponsor: Snap Supplements 25% OFF using code LUNDEN25
(34:46) Sponsor: Evolve Telemed 25% OFF Using code: LUNDEN25
(37:38) Changing Others and Self-Transformation
(44:10) The Importance of Family as Teachers

Connect with Dr. Jade Teta:
IG: @jadeteta
www.jadeteta.com
www.jadeteta.com/journey
BOOK: Human 365
PODCAST: Next Level Human Podcast

Transcript

Lunden Souza: 2:26

Welcome to Self Love and Sweat THE PODCAST, the place where you'll get inspired to live your life unapologetically, embrace your perfect imperfections, break down barriers and do what sets your soul on fire. I'm your host, Lunden Souza. Hey, have you grabbed your free self love and sweat monthly calendar yet? This calendar is so amazing. It comes right in your inbox every single month to help you have a little nugget of wisdom, a sweaty workout, a mindset activity, just a little something, something to help keep you focused and motivated and keep that momentum towards your goals. So every day, when you get this calendar, you'll see a link that you can click that will lead to a podcast episode or a workout or something that will be very powerful and quick to read. And then you'll also see, on the top left corner of every single day, there's a little check box in the calendar and what that is is that's for your one thing. You can choose one thing every month, or it can be the same, something that you want to implement and make this something that you can easily implement, like daily meditation or getting a certain amount of steps or water, for example, and staying hydrated and even taking your supplements. This can be something if you want to get more regular doing a particular habit and routine. You can choose what that checkbox means. So if you want your Self Love and Sweat free monthly calendar delivered right to your inbox every month on the first of the month, go to lifelikelunden. com/ calendar, fill out the form really quickly and you will have your calendar in your inbox within a few short minutes. That's lifelikelunden. com/ calendar. Go, get yours for free and enjoy this episode.

Lunden Souza: 4:34

Okay, so I'm really excited about this conversation. Today we have Dr. Jade Teta talking about this concept of next level human. I'm excited to have you. How are you?

Dr. Jade Teta: 4:44

Good, what's going on?

Lunden Souza: 4:46

This is a concept that I learned, of course, from you. It's a concept you created, or a lifestyle, I would say, of being a next level human, and then I also have had the privilege and honor of being with you and seeing you live this out and seeing what it looks like in your life, in the lives of your friends, relationships, family, everything, and so I just am excited to break this down for everybody listening today. Where did this concept come from? The next level human.

Dr. Jade Teta: 5:13

Well, you know what most things that we do in life, that we learn it, comes out of suffering. It really does in my mind. And let me clarify that, because right away we can all of a sudden be like oh my God, this is going to be a depressing conversation, but the idea is that most of us, when we go through life, we know you know about me, I know about you, we know about all the listeners, all the listeners know about each other that if you are human, we all know humans suffer. In fact, the Buddhist philosophy has a saying life is Dukkha, which translates into life, is unsatisfactory, and life is suffering. Now, when you first hear that idea, it can be a little depressing, right? It's just like oh my God, like what do you mean? It's just all about suffering, like there's nothing good about it. The trick here is that actually, the way most people see suffering as bad is not bad. And when you come through the most difficult times in life and you learn the lessons that those difficult times generate for you, you look back in awe almost, and say and all of us probably have had this experience like I would never have wanted to miss out on the lessons and the growth and the opportunity that that struggle, as hard as it is, gave to me.

Dr. Jade Teta: 6:28

So the next level human idea was this idea that our suffering is our greatest source of meaning. Our pain is our path to purpose. Our hurt is a way to help, and this is very different than I think. A lot of people in the Western world look at things because they see their suffering as a way to maybe attack others. So this would be the idea of hurt people, hurting people.

Dr. Jade Teta: 6:52

That's oftentimes what can happen with pain and suffering.

Dr. Jade Teta: 6:56

Other people see it as a means of holding on to their pain, almost like a trophy that they get to carry around, and they define themselves by that pain. We might call the first part the hurt person, hurting person the villain mentality, and we might call the second one, the hurt person who identifies with that and takes it on as their identity, the victim mentality. Well, there's a third way to do this, which I would call the victor mentality, which is to take our hurt and our suffering, make it meaningful, help it, derive our purpose and give something back to the world that only we can, in the way that we can, precisely because we suffered. And this is a very different way in my mind of looking at who we are as humans, why we're on the planet and what we're meant to do. And so, to sum it up, our pain is the most powerful lessons that we have to make a difference for, ourselves and others, and that's the idea of being a next level human, that my pain will be something that I use to better the world.

Lunden Souza: 8:00

I have your book in front of me. This is one of my favorite books and I yeah, I've read it a bunch. My dad read it too, or he reads it, and sometimes we'll talk about it. But on the back here it says what does it take to become a next level human? Next level humans recognize there is nothing special or unique about their suffering. They know millions have endured the same hurt, pain and negative forces. What sets them apart is their ability to turn suffering into meaning for themselves and others, and I think that really sums up just exactly what you said. And also, I remember one time I gifted this book to my dad I think it was for Father's Day and he came up to me one day and was like you're not a? What's it called? A PKM? Pkm, is that what you call it in this?

Dr. Jade Teta: 8:44

book PMK.

Lunden Souza: 8:46

So Prom Marriage Kids. He was just pointing out that through one of the entries and this is like a daily for those of you that don't know the book Human 365, it's like a daily thing. So every day you have a little paragraph or a page or a sentence whatever to read, and there's one part where you, yeah, bring that in the PMK. And it was funny because me and my dad had read the same thing in the same day. I happened to be at their house and he came out. I was like you're not a PMK.

Lunden Souza: 9:11

So I think what I also love about the concept of a next level human is kind of the ownership of the way you choose to live your life and the ownership over that meaning because, yeah, it's a process with ourselves, but also with everything outside of us, and how we choose to be next level is very contradictory to the way the rest of the world thinks you should or supposed to be, and so that's probably one of my favorite concepts that's in here, that I just remind myself like I could do it in my own order, yeah you know.

Dr. Jade Teta: 9:40

You know it's interesting about that because I think a lot of people take the concept of PMK, prom Marriage Kids. The idea behind that is simply that there are certain cultural narratives that we all fall into. Like we do come from a culture, we share certain cultural norms and mores and things like that. And Prom Marriage Kids was my way of simply pointing out that in the Western world oftentimes, at least in the United States and most Western countries the job is essentially hey, I go to the prom, at least here in the United States, like that's sort of your transition out of high school and quote out of your teen years, and then the next thing is let me get married and maybe there's a stopover in college you know as well before that, and then there's kids, and then essentially, those are the things that you were meant to do, and I think most of us in the Western world, at least in the United States, can relate to that. And so my point in bringing up the PMK story is not to say it's wrong, it's just to say as next level humans, we need to define our own paths and if that is chosen the Prom Marriage Kids is chosen consciously. It is an absolutely beautiful choice to make, and if it's not chosen consciously, it's a beautiful choice to make. What I'm saying is that most of us don't make these choices at all. We're not conscious that they are actually choices that we can make. Instead, we just buy into the narrative hook line and sinker and basically find ourselves in our future selves like 30, 40, 50 years old realizing oh my gosh, I have never actually lived my life for myself. And so if you make the choice consciously a Prom Marriage Kids it's beautiful.

Dr. Jade Teta: 11:17

But if you just take the unconscious narrative that culture tells you, then you're living what I would call the culture level self as opposed to the next level self.

Dr. Jade Teta: 11:28

And so the next level self takes their stories and says I am the creator of my story and I will not allow culture to create it. And, by the way, there's another subtle distinction here, because the Prom Marriage Kids person who is not conscious of that and makes that choice? That's sort of the culture level idea. But if you're a contrarian, meaning that you just reject that just because culture says it's good, you're actually doing the same thing, right? You're actually saying I'm going to reject that story simply because it's a culture level story, not realizing that you're rejecting it and that's still you being married to the culture. In other words, the idea is to be conscious of our own narrative choices story. So maybe you do prom but maybe you don't do marriage. Or maybe you do prom and marriage but you don't do kids right, and you can do any combination of that you want. The life is your oyster, so to speak, and the next level, human, takes responsibility for those choices.

Lunden Souza: 12:21

Absolutely. And I heard you mention culture level, human, and because I'm pretty familiar with this whole next level human philosophy you've created, we have base level, culture level and next level and they're operating from different places for different reasons. So can we break that down and go through each of those?

Dr. Jade Teta: 12:43

Yeah, absolutely. The idea is that in when you look at psychology research, right, and you look at the different philosophical orientations, you can get very confused. There's reciprocity styles, right, there's the big five or big six personality styles, there's attachment styles, there's all kinds of different ways that we can categorize people, and so for me, as I was studying psychology and philosophy, it was hard to keep these things no-transcript In my in my brain, like you know. So I came up with these broad buckets base level, culture level and next level. Now the first thing to understand about this is these follow development. So when I say this, I don't want to trigger people, because the base level person Oftentimes, if you're operating from more of a dualistic, binary way of thinking right wrong, up down, left right you'll tend to see base level as bad and next level as good, and I want to Caution you not to do that, because you'll find out here in just a minute that ultimately what it is is Integrating all three.

Dr. Jade Teta: 13:43

But let's talk about the base level, human first. So, as children, our primary needs, psychological needs as we develop, our safety and security needs, and so these are our base level needs. Now, if, for some reason, the safety and security needs are not met when we are young, or there are traumas or, you know, there's intergenerational st rife, like our mothers and fathers are difficult, or they're both not home, or whatever might happen, we can easily have our safety and security needs not met and, by the way, to some degree we all know what this is like. Right, even if you had a great childhood, you may have had an accident where you cut down and hurt, you fell down and hurt yourself or whatever, and that could be seen as something that was challenging to your safety and security needs. The idea here, though, is a base level human is more like our child selves, and if you get stuck in that state, it's not a very good thing.

Dr. Jade Teta: 14:38

Let's talk about this in a minute, because I know people don't like the idea of invoking children for a base the base level sides of ourselves. But think about it. A child is completely reliant on their parents. They don't know that their mom and dad have a separate life. Mom and dad, as to a little kid, are seen as just extensions of the little kid, so the ego of a little child does not see that there are other people in the world who also have needs. So when we get arrested in the base level self. It turns into extreme Individualism. It turns into this thing where it's just me and everyone else. Be damned my needs, not your needs.

Lunden Souza: 15:14

Also, base level tendencies have a lot to do with boundaries and protection and so thinking that boundaries to be base level, to be like no me, me first. Exactly have to do this, for, like I yeah, I was thinking the same thing when you said it.

Dr. Jade Teta: 15:29

Yeah, and so think about what boundaries are. Those are healthy. So that's an aspect of healthy base level behavior. But if you get stuck in base level, what you tend to be is a very self-centered, selfish person who has extreme Individualism and you're operating on by the motto me against the world, my needs, no one else's. Now a healthy base level essentially goes when we move out of that into our next developmental stage. What we should have is not that it's the life is all about me, but I know when to put myself first. I know how to erect boundaries and standards.

Dr. Jade Teta: 15:59

Now, when we leave childhood, we go into the teenage years. They had a lesson years and this is where now we have needs of main, mainly acceptance and belonging. So we switch from this safety, security need and it's all about us, us, us to starting to recognize oh, there's other people in the world, we have peers, we want to be liked. We start to pay close attention to how other people are seeing us, how we look, and so popularity, popularity concerns, become an issue. By the way, base level right during the base level time, you're, it's a power, it's a power struggle, because power is something that when we have power over our surroundings we feel safe and secure. Culture levels more about popularity. When we have popularity, we feel accepted and belonging. And so culture levels all about team dynamics.

Dr. Jade Teta: 16:42

And I would argue and you could tell me what you think about this, Lunden. But I would argue and you listeners can see what you think about this as well. But I would argue, most humans never leave the culture level state. Most people you know live their whole lives, die in their 80s and they're still in the culture level mindset because they can't escape the narratives like prom, marriage, kids, or the idea that one pilot pilot political parties better than another political party, or the idea that one race is better than the other race, or the idea that being healthy is superior to to being overweight. So, in other words, what culture level people do is they create isms, us versus them, racism, sexism, healthism, binary dualities. It's all about my team is good, your team is bad and most of our world is built in this culture level aspect.

Dr. Jade Teta: 17:32

Now, to escape both the power-based base level and the culture level popularity and integrate the two because, by the way, being popular is not bad. You need to know how to relate to other people, but if you operate just from that place you get lost. And so as we mature, as we grow up, we should move into our next level, human self, who is based on pop, purpose rather so. And what is purpose? Purpose is the idea that, hey, I am an individual and I do have to look after myself, but I'm also here to matter and make a difference. And so the base levels about power, seeking for safety and security needs.

Dr. Jade Teta: 18:07

The culture level is about popularity, seeking for acceptance and belonging needs. And our next level, human self, are about purpose, seeking to matter and make a difference. And so long as power and popularity are in service of purpose, that's the healthy developmental state of a human and you've reached your next level human state. But if you get stuck in base level or you get stuck in culture level and you never get to the place where you're looking at purpose and fulfillment, why you are here, how you want to matter, how you want to learn, teach and love, which, in my mind, is the imperatives of the next level human Then you never get to that place where you can love your life, matter and make a difference and be proud of who you are.

Lunden Souza: 18:48

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Lunden Souza: 19:50

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Lunden Souza: 20:43

Now let's get back to the show base culture and next level and what I also love about the way that you, as the creator of this Philosophy and kind of the way you've integrated it into your life. Like some of our dialogue you and I or with your friends, we'll say things like oh yeah, that's the culture level part of me, or hey, sorry about that. I went base level and I love that because you really Created something that you live by and that also others notice, including myself, and I think there's some things about you where I'm like that's never gonna rub off on me.

Lunden Souza: 21:16

But then there's some things like that, where I'm like, oh yeah, like I'll, I say those things now and it's cool, because I Think it's one thing to learn a philosophy and to break it down. It's another thing to see and notice how it's like showing up in your, in your life, um. So yeah, I like that. I like the way that we talk like that.

Dr. Jade Teta: 21:32

Yeah, and you know I assume most of your listeners know now that you and I are partners. So, Lunden and I are partners, and one of the things I remember about this is shortly after you and I first started dating. I forget what it was, but I I was talking about something and you know how we do. All you listeners were related to this, but you know how you do sometimes get a little caddy. Like you can get a little caddy. All of us humans can do that. That was my base level self coming out and yes, I remember that and I said, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry that I went base level on you and you were like that's really interesting that you're able to admit that.

Dr. Jade Teta: 22:03

But the point I think I'm trying to make here is that a next level human one of the aspects of a next level human that's different is that they're they operate by the model always be learning, and so they don't see debate and ego based things as something that makes them bad. They're very much able to correct. That's an example of me correcting myself. And and if you want to know whether you're stuck in base level, culture level or next level states, all you have to do is look for how often people do that, like, for example, again talking about dating, like when you and I first started dating conversations around X's and stuff like that. Base level humans will usually go disparage, attack. Right? Culture level humans will maybe deny or avoid the whole conversation.

Dr. Jade Teta: 22:54

Next level humans you'll hear talk about things like I learned so much from this. You know, you know there's another part of the story, but they're always focusing on lessons. Base level humans are always focusing on winning. Culture level humans are always focusing on wounds and this is a really interesting way that you can begin to say what am I operating from? If they're talking about winning, winning, winning. I need to win winners and you know I need to dominate. That's base level. If you're talking about team-based stuff where wounds I was hurt, they weren't hurt or they've never been through that. I have been through that that's very culture level. Next level humans just always talk about. This is what I learned from this. This is how I grew, this is how I got better, so you can spot that in other people's behaviors and you can spot that in yourself.

Lunden Souza: 23:42

And, as you're talking about this, I have, yeah, just a lot of visuals and memories of reactions in my life to stressful situations or just whatever might be happening that were very base level or culture level in a way where, yeah, like I remember being that way and I can't imagine being that way now, because I feel like those parts are gone and have, you know, let's say, become more next level if you will.

Lunden Souza: 24:09

And one thing I know about change and diving into this more next level philosophy, showing up in a new way out, go out, growing some of the base and culture level behaviors I hesitate to use the word defend, but that's kind of what comes up for me is like and then we talked about boundaries as well as like, in this journey of Taking the necessary action steps, learning, unlearning, growing to be this next level human and we're still, you know, maybe probably in the same family, in the same job, around some of the same people. How do we communicate and protect that next level humaneness while preserving, like, our relationships, because I can see how you might, someone listening, you might get In growth and healing. Sometimes you realize things where you're like, oh my gosh, this would be so helpful for somebody else? So, instead of like pounding it into their throat, how do we model that and defend that for ourselves, even when others maybe want to pull us back to some of those culture and base level tendencies, behaviors?

Dr. Jade Teta: 25:10

Yeah, well, think about it. Just the idea that someone needs to do something, suggest that you're seeing yourself as better than in some way. So that's suggesting some base level and culture level ideal, by the way, we all do this right. So it's. There's no truly escaping your base level and culture level selves ever, because they're part of your development, but the idea is to notice, as soon as you go, this person needs to change. Then that is probably your culture level self setting up this binary of I've changed, they need to change, I'm better, they're worse. Once you do that, it's to notice and essentially go Okay, that's not really how this works. It's more that we're all Learning, we're all growing and we're all at different stages. So that's the first part of how to do this. Now, the second part is you can't change anyone anyway. You can influence people, though, and how do you influence people? It's not by Tricking or conjoling, or telling them to do a certain thing. It's by example. So, in other words, there's a great quote by Marcus Aurelius, which I would say is, you know, one of my favorite stoic philosophers, and it says the idea is stop arguing what a good human is, simply be one. And then he has another Saying. It says the best revenge is not to be that way, and so the idea is to show up fully as your next level human self, and when you do that it inspires other people to begin to do that as well.

Dr. Jade Teta: 26:38

Now, this doesn't mean dynamics are not going to be at play. So let's use an example here so people can get this straight. Let's say you have a dysfunctional relationship with your father. Let's say right, and every time you and your father get together, there's this back-and-forth thing that happens and you find yourself sort of in an argument. There's subtle put downs, you don't feel good about yourself, etc. And then you decide you know what? I'm gonna be different. I'm not gonna put my father down anymore. I'm not gonna assume he's out to get me. I'm not gonna. I'm gonna get past the father wound. However, every time you interact with your father, he still does these subtle put downs and things like this right, which is essentially what you're talking about. How do you behave?

Dr. Jade Teta: 27:16

Well, this is when your base level self has to come out, but it comes out in a next level, human way, because it's been integrated into your purpose and essentially at that point you just say dad, look, I love you, but it's not okay anymore for you to talk to me like that anymore. I know I've done my things in the past to you. You've done your stuff to me. I no longer want to have that relationship with you and I won't interact with you on that in that way anymore and at that point it only takes one conversation Right. And at that point then you have to begin to live this new dynamic. You have to now hold the standard, which means you're gonna have to show up, and a lot of people might be like oh well, then I just get to ignore him or I get to walk away. No, you have to treat people as a next-level human.

Dr. Jade Teta: 28:03

The idea is you treat people according to their best love, their best level Selfs. So let me explain this. A base level human kind of looks at it like I will treat people how they treat me. I four, nine hammer abby's code. That's the true base level state. The culture level is more like the golden role. Right is basically like do on the others as you would want them to do on to you. And maybe another of perhaps better culture level way of treating people is the platinum role, which says Treat people how they want to be treated. But those are still sort of culture level.

Dr. Jade Teta: 28:36

The next level, human way of treating people is treating them according to their best selves, who they are at their best. And so for you to change other people, first you have to change yourself and hold the standard. But then you also have to treat them as if they already also are there better selves, and then you have boundaries and standards to make sure they actually live up to that. So you can't just let them get away with it anymore. You treat them according to their better selves and when they mess up, you hold them to that standard. And I call this the fuck you but I love you situation. It's like you know what, I love you but fuck you. That is what I mean by standards and next level human be. I love you. I love you for who you are. I love that you're my father, I love that you so much about you and also fuck you. You don't get to talk to me that way. That's how you begin to address this and over time what happens is people go. They see the changes you made in yourself, that you. They also see your. There's a door open for them to be different, but you won't tolerate their old behaviors and that's how they. You slowly nudge them and influence them to walk through the next level human door. And, by the way, if they don't, then there's two things that either happen there. The first thing is you can.

Dr. Jade Teta: 29:50

There's nothing wrong with a next level human, essentially saying this person is no longer in my world. You know, essentially they're just not involved in your world at all. But in the case of father and family and things like that, it's just that I will only now have certain conversations with this person. I use my older brothers an example. We used to get an argument after argument after argument about entrepreneurship and business. I did this whole sort of thing with him where I was like I love my brother, I'm always gonna love my brother, but guess what? We're not having that conversation anymore. And for probably close to a decade I just avoided that conversation with loving communication. I just would not have it with him. And now, ten years later, now we're beginning. That's how long it took, I think, for both of us to walk through that door, to be able to have those conversations. So hopefully that makes sense.

Dr. Jade Teta: 30:34

It's, it's a subtle. I'll give one more example here on how to do this, a very simple example. But let's say you're, you're, you're part of. Let's say you can't stand that I don't do the dishes right and you want me to do the dishes. The base level, culture level way would be like jade you never do the dishes. You suck at the dishes, matter fact, you suck at everything right in that what we often times do in relationships, the next level human way would be this would be like if you even see me bring a cup even near the dishwasher, you go. Thank you so much for helping me do the dishes. It means a ton.

Dr. Jade Teta: 31:07

Now, at that point, I'm gonna react to you one of two ways. First way I'm gonna go yeah, you're right, Lunden. I always do the dishes. I don't know what your problem is, which we know is not true and the second way is gonna be, you know, Lunden thanks for noticing. I'm trying to do my best and I'll do better. Now, if I react the second way, you know you can work with me. If I react the first way, that's when the boundaries and standards come in and that's when you might have to make a hard decision about whether you want this person in your life or whether you can Relate to them in the way that you've been relating to them. And these dynamics happen all the time. But you have to take the first step to be the one who vets their behavior. That's our next level. Human do this. It's not kindness being the number one thing, it's Compassionate honesty. And to the next level, human honesty is always kinder than kindness, right, but it's not always fun in the short run.

Lunden Souza: 31:59

I love all those examples and I'll share one too and yeah, maybe you can like coach me or see if I'm filling in there, making the connections correctly. But the relationship with my grandfather has been challenging, to say the least. Probably for like the last six, seven years was like the initial instance, that kind of catapulted yeah, huge healing journey to the point where we talked about in the beginning, where you look back and you're like, oh my gosh, that couldn't have not happened in my, happened in my life, like I needed that, everything needed that to happen, right. But yeah, so in this process of yeah, because he didn't like my life choices, decided to become very opinionated on them. That trickled into a lot of family volcanoes and explosions and certain things erupting and yeah, and he's been trying to, in his own unique way you know, communicate with me, have a relationship with me, and his very strict Italian way using, you know, his own way to say his sorry without saying sorry, right, not those words, but you could just tell he's really trying and so you know in my brain so like he will call me sometimes or want to have these conversations right, and so I would say the base level part that I recognized.

Lunden Souza: 33:19

In this most recent time he tried to call me and see if I'm making sense here. But he would call or I would say something like oh, you know, I didn't see it or I missed it, sorry, I was busy in that safety security, just kind of trying to protect myself kind of way. And then there would be moments where he would call and want to have a conversation and I would notice you know those feelings of like you know he did this to me, how could like just a lot of this like tit for tat kind of back and forth, and I'm not going to answer, I'm never going to text back, I'm not that, you know. But then most recently he called me and I love communication, those who listening, no, I love communication and words and being able to say things honestly and respectfully. And he had called me and, like, left me a message and when I saw the call I just pressed ignore and I wasn't ready to talk, like I knew that my like, best, next level human self wasn't going to answer that phone. There was other things going on, it wasn't that time.

Lunden Souza: 34:21

And then when I finally did call him back, he was like oh, what happened? I called you, did you not see it? And I said, no, I saw your missed call. I just wasn't ready to talk yet. So I decided to call you once I was ready to talk. And he was like, yeah, but I like call you and left a message. Did you not see it? I said no, I saw your call and when you called, I pressed the ignore button and I put the phone back in my pocket and now I'm calling you now because I'm ready to talk to you.

Lunden Souza: 34:43

And it was so like I don't know if he even got it, I don't know if he like you know, but it was so important to me because I felt like I wanted to treat him like it was his best self. Right, he's my grandpa, I love him. There's been a lot of good, a lot that I've learned about his childhood. That has helped me, yeah, just understand some of the ways of his behaviors and things like that. But I also see in my family a lot, a lot of like those little white lies of like oh, I didn't see it where I was busy, or just like this, like worry, to fully tell the truth, and I was like, no, I saw your call, I wasn't ready to answer it.

Lunden Souza: 35:15

This was, you know, and that was very, yeah, I felt it felt good for, kind of, the first time where some of the actions leading up to what I would consider being a next level human action they were uncomfortable. It was weird. I did mess up a lot. I was sometimes was rude or disrespectful, I would say, when it wasn't necessary, but I kept trying and I kept Knowing that that it was gonna happen again. Right, we'd be in the arena again. He was gonna call again. I was gonna see him at a family party and Even before that, we're at a family party and we're sitting down at a table, just kind of like this talk in, and He'll be the one, you know, that will say things to me previously like I'm your age, you should be married and done all these things right, all these should.

Lunden Souza: 35:55

But that particular day he was just really kind and was like oh, interested in what I was doing and was talking about me in a nice way to the person sitting next to us in a way, where I was like, oh, he's changing, like things are changing, like you're. You know, he's a you know. I really believe in the neuroplasticity and our ability to change our brains and do things different. Well, into our older years. I think it's a cop out to just be like I can't change anymore.

Lunden Souza: 36:17

So I started seeing some of those things and then, in our most recent conversation, was really be a being able to say honestly and respectfully.

Lunden Souza: 36:24

And then it also felt congruent in my nervous system, right, because I think sometimes you say it's not fake it till you make it, it's be it until you see it, and in some of those, be it till you see opportunities. It was uncomfortable, I did mess up a lot. There was like a lot of room for refinement and then in the end, a very just, truthful, honest, also considering my tonality to like to the point of the dishes thing, like if you put a dish next to the dishwasher and I was like Thank you, jade, for doing that, you know, and being so like whatever, like I think there's some yeah, there's tonality and like energetics to what you're saying, to in that process of being that person and communicating in that way, and so, yeah, I don't know if that made sense, but I just feel like that is my real life example of like what I've really been working on in the last like six years.

Lunden Souza: 37:12

Have you heard of Evolve Telemed before? It's the super cool opportunity to be able to meet with your doctors without going to the doctor's office, right from the comfort of your own home. I recently got my full blood panel done CBC with differentials, thyroid panel, hormone panel, all the things and I was able to meet up with one of their doctors directly on a video call. Go over all of my results, have just a really comfortable, great conversation, really understand the process of Doing my labs and what it means, and giving me more feedback than just like hey, your labs are normal, you know all good, just going through everything step by step by step and really giving me clear insights as to what I see in my lab. So it was cool, like all I did was get the paper off of the online portal. You'll have your own patient portal and you get the order and then I went to the lab where you get your blood drawn. I did that. It took like 20 minutes. They sent the results directly to Evolve Telemed and then they uploaded my results directly to my client portal. Again, I got to go over it on a video call with one of their doctors. It was perfect. I had everything right in front of me, I had somebody who had an immense amount of knowledge and expertise, who was able to give me great feedback, and so it was such a wonderful experience and I just feel like it was so simple and so easy to just look under the hood and Double-check that everything was all good Internally, because I've had a history of PCOS, I've had a history of cystic acne, I've had a history of anxiety and also just like yeah, in general want to make my future not just my history Bright and healthy, and just like do things in a holistic way, and they're very supportive of that as well.

Lunden Souza: 39:03

So if you want to do your labs with Evolve Telemed, you can use code LUNDEN 25 L-U-N-D-E-N 25 for $25 off your labs and you can get started with that process super simply. Just go to evolvetelemed. com and that's E-V-O-L-V-E T-E-L-E-M-E-D dot com, Evolve Telemed, and then, when you decide what labs you want to get done, what information you're interested in whether it's balanced hormones or balanced health You'll be able to get that personalized, expert concierge level service and you can get it for $25 off. So don't forget to use the code LUNDEN 25 L-U-D-E-N. 25. And yeah, just doing your checkups. Stay in, up to date with your health and well-being ahead of time, and do it with Evolve Telemed. Now let's get back to the show.

Dr. Jade Teta: 40:04

Yeah, it's. It makes a lot of sense, and stories like this are the best stories, because every single one, as you're telling me that I can relate to many people in my family, and I'm sure the listener can too right? Well, we all know these dynamics. The first thing, though, let's do these. Deconstruct it a little bit, though, because the first thing I think that we have to do here is Work on ourselves, which you have done right. I want to communicate better and, by the way, let's not forget the gifts that our family gave us.

Dr. Jade Teta: 40:31

Part of the reason some of us find honesty important, find kindness important, are interested in empathy and compassion, is because perhaps we didn't see that in particular ways, we oftentimes forget that that the people in our family are our greatest Sources of practice. In fact, what I have noticed in my clinical work with people is that the things that they most want to change and be are the very things that they're most challenged by in their family, which Brings up this incredibly interesting thing that what if, in some weird woo, woo new age way, our family was chosen for us in Very specifically so that we could work on these things that we needed to work on to grow to our next level. That's the first thing we have to essentially say I'm going to be it until I see it. My next level, human self First. I'm not gonna wait for them to change, I'm gonna change. That's the first thing that you did right, that I know about your story. The second thing, though, is is to then treat your grandfather and all of us right, treat the other person as their best selves. One of the things I know about your story I'm kind of in awe of your grandfather, based on his, some of his stories, because here's a man who Worked his ass off, is taking care of the entire family, is, you know, brought a lot of wealth and stability and safety and security financially to, you know, not just his kids, but their kids, right, like this is who this man is, and there's a lot of power and Beauty in that, and he needs to be seen and appreciated for that, while at the same time Recognizing that he also is on his journey and he has a less desirable and dysfunctional aspects about him, the same way you do, the same way I do, the same way all of us do, and that, by loving him, you love the part of him that has given the safety and security. You also love the part of him that is struggling with his base level and his culture level tendencies and you call these people out on that in not a way of attack, but in an incredibly loving way. Let me give you an example of visual that I like with this.

Dr. Jade Teta: 42:41

Have you ever seen, you ever seen these videos where, like they'll be like a bobcat or something, it gets caught in a trap, in a hunter's trap? Ever see this stuff on, like maybe YouTube, and they're trying to get this Bobcat out of this trap, let's say, and a bobcat is a nasty creature, right, like it's just gonna safety security base level all day long. It does not know that that hunter is trying to save it and so it's gonna go after that guy viciously, but that guy that hunter is not reacting to, he doesn't go. You know what? You're mad at me? Yes, bobcat. Therefore, I'm gonna leave you in the cage and let you die right, there's such compassion there. He doesn't take it personally. He knows that the bobcat is just Afraid and that the ferocious, aggressive reaction of the bobcat is because the bobcat is scared and he continues to free the bobcat. A bobcat gets out of the cage and runs off right. I'd like to use that visual when we're dealing with family members to realize that he's just in the cage. He's the bobcat in the cage who's scared to death, has a certain way of doing things and you're presenting a very different Way of doing things and he is gonna react from his base level self of aggression.

Dr. Jade Teta: 43:48

And we have to hold the the. The person we have to hold the mentality of this is just a scared person who's lashing out and I'm still gonna try to free them. I'm not gonna let them scratch me, I'm not gonna let them take my eyes and I'm not gonna let them keep doing this, but I am gonna gently say, hey, you're in a trap, you're better than this and I love you and also fuck you. You don't get to treat me that way and that is how we have to approach this. And then we have to have extreme patience, extreme patience and extreme love and compassion. That we show up like that every time. Every time we don't do this victim thing where it's like he was rude to me.

Dr. Jade Teta: 44:25

He said XYZ. If we love the person, we show up every time, loving the parts of them that we know are beautiful and also Holding them to the standard of being a better human by our own boundaries and standards, and we must do that every single time. And, of course, there's nothing wrong with just saying you know what. You're so cruel, you're so nasty, you're so much, you know the bobcat, that even when you get out of the cage you jump on my back and start scratching out my throat. I can't and won't deal with you. And that's how this is done and it's always done this way. And, by the way, when we do this in the most roundabout way, we're not healing them, just them. We're actually more healing ourselves and we're breaking intergenerational traumas. We're breaking his we're, you know, he's breaking ours, we're all sort of completing the loop in the family. This is what makes it so beautiful.

Dr. Jade Teta: 45:18

We cannot forget that those people in our lives who have caused some of the most difficult pain are the greatest teachers in our lives. And if you think about you know, you know this about me, but you know we talk about this idea of you know what's the word for you know lovers who are, like you know, spiritually connected, our soul mates, right, like we think about that as romantic. But to me, a soulmate is your greatest human teachers, right. So to me You're great. If your grandfather is your greatest teacher and he's had, you've had the most difficult time from him. He's probably taught you the most and therefore he is your deepest soulmate. That's how I see soulmates, and I think there are multiples of them, right, the ones who teach you the most.

Dr. Jade Teta: 46:02

So that's how I see this game and it's a constant game and it's not for Accolades, because that would be a culture level, human right, and it's not to win, because that would be a base level, human. It's so that you can grow in rich others and evolve the world. That's the next level. You're not doing it to win and you're not doing it to be better. You're doing it to grow, to learn, to teach and to love. And when you're coming at it from that place, it's not a matter of you know. If it's gonna happen, it's just when, and there has to be patience there.

Lunden Souza: 46:36

I Want to talk about that, your next level human journey that you've been doing and, yeah, which are in-person events and also virtual events for this Story where you write this big, profound part to the next level human journey. And I got to participate in the two that you had at your place and definitely participated, especially in a lot of the writing portion. And, yeah, I mean I know a lot of people listening to the podcast or who have followed me on social media for a long time know a lot of. You know these big stories. But I even go when we're talking about my grandpa, even before that was like my journey with PCOS and Cystic Acne and just the most up and down side to side moods, ways of processing or not processing, and then going back even further and being like, okay, yeah, I needed that, because if I didn't overcome that hormonal journey, get my hormones in check, get my mood in check, get just kind of the way I act and react in the world kind of a little bit more under control in a way that I, yeah, I'm proud of. There's no way I would have been able to, then you know, life be life in, or people be people-ing and doing their thing and it's like then, when I was presented with this opportunity for growth as I see it now, with my grandpa, I had to look back and be like, oh my gosh, if I was still that person who had PCOS, cystic Acne, all these hormonal issues, and then this happened on top. It's like this giant, like yeah, just layer after layer of like stuff you know and that work in process I often talk about instead of it always being about the workouts what the work ends is really going back to a lot of those stories, rewriting what they meant for your life and like fully integrating that into the now and even childhood stuff. Like, yeah, it's just, it's so interesting to see how sometimes the things we're most scared of facing and dealing with end up being and for anybody listening who's maybe, yeah, has some fear or reservation about doing the work-ins and that deep inner work, it's like it's when you're in it, it's just like you can't not appreciate it.

Lunden Souza: 48:51

I guess I should say, and it's been so helpful to go back and rewrite those stories, make them mean something better realize I am the author in that space to look back and say I needed that, I needed that, those were tools. It wasn't just like a shit thrown at me. These were tools that I could actually use, and so in the next level human journey, there's a lot of walking and fasting and also a lot of writing, and I had a lot of opportunities to write out a lot of these stories and what I wanted to make them mean in my next level human journey and my next chapters. So why is writing so important?

Lunden Souza: 49:27

Tell us a little bit more about the idea behind the next level human journey, because I think this is like it's one thing to have the concepts right and be super chunked up, and the next level human journey is really chunked down. It's like what are you doing? What specifically, are the stories you are telling? How are you going to rewrite it? Okay, actually take the pen and rewrite it. Okay, now, walk as it. Like so much of. I think, what people say is like well, I don't know how or what's the first thing I need to do, and we're really immersed in that in the next level human journey.

Dr. Jade Teta: 49:58

Yeah, the first thing you need to do is change your perception. So I don't know if you listeners noticed when Lunden was talking, you said I needed that, I needed these horrible things. That happened. I needed these very you know, distasteful, dysfunctional, difficult things, things that are very hard.

Dr. Jade Teta: 50:16

Most people who are stuck in the culture levels way of thinking don't say that at all. In fact, they blame, complain, whimper, whine, distract and deny about these very hard things. They get stuck in victim state. Now this can be triggering as soon as we start talking about victims. So let me just let people know here that we all have to.

Dr. Jade Teta: 50:36

When we have difficult things, when we are hurt, when we go through suffering as humans, we all must be. We deserve to be. We must be victims for a time. We must be. In the same way, if we cut our finger, we have to stop. Look at it, meant to ex-squeeze it, binge it up, put ointment on it, bring it back to health. We have to be a victim for a time. However, at some point, being a victim becomes a choice, right, and if you're going to blame, complain, whimper, whine, distract and deny, you're stuck. You're not getting the lessons.

Dr. Jade Teta: 51:07

Something about what you said was I needed these, which means somehow you got the lesson. This is the first aspect of the journey to realize that your perception around your pain and difficulty is actually your problem and you can easily choose a different way of looking at it. Like, think, let's all do this together you listeners and we can do it as well but think about the most difficult times or traumas, trials, tribulations you've had in your life, right, even the big capital T traumas. Think about that just for a minute and then think about what that felt like and what that wrote in your mind as a kid or as an adolescent or as a young adult, that portrayal, that abuse, whatever it was. You wrote a story.

Dr. Jade Teta: 51:47

Whether you realize it or not, you constructed a story about what the world meant, Right? If you constructed a base level story, it's basically like all out for me, I'm hurt, so I'm going to hurt. If you constructed, that means you became the villain. Or you could have constructed a victim story which is like now, this is part of my identity, I'm no good because of it, and these people are no good because of it, and you know I'm hurt and you don't know because you're not me, all of that kind of stuff. At some point you have to transcend the villain and the victim and become the victor. And you become the victor by saying there's a lesson to be learned in this wound.

Dr. Jade Teta: 52:22

And the writing portion of what we do, this written exposure therapy, is going back to these traumas, reliving them and correcting the story that we wrote. Because, let's face it, when you're a child, you don't have the logic and the reason and the maturity and the experience to understand why what is happening is happening Right. You don't know that you can make a different choice. As an adolescent you don't necessarily know. And if you've never learned, even as an adult, you don't know. And the idea then is to say I will choose now to write a different story about what happened. I'll use it. I'll give you an example.

Dr. Jade Teta: 52:57

So Alfred Nobel from the Nobel Peace Prize, the inventor of dynamite right Before he died there was an obituary that was written about him that he got to read because he wasn't dead yet. That basically said he described him as the merchant of death because he invented dynamite. He was also one of the richest perth people, if not the richest people in the world at the time. Now he could have taken that and turned it into a victim and did whatever, but what he did is he goes. You know, I'm going to take the money that I made from inventing dynamite. I'm going to establish the Nobel Peace Prizes so that, when I'm gone, all of my riches for the rest of eternity. We all know the Nobel Peace Prize how many of them have been given out, and they're always given out to people who have great inventions or have done great work for peace. This is a redemption story. Alfred Nobel did this when I was a kid.

Dr. Jade Teta: 53:46

There's another one of you know, when I was growing up, there were always these missing kids on milk cartons. Well, the people who did that lost their kid. The little boy was raped, murdered Worst thing that can happen to parents. They could have easily chosen to be the villain or victim over that. What they chose to do instead, though, is save tens of thousands of other people's lives. In other words, they made it mean something positive for the world.

Dr. Jade Teta: 54:08

This is what we all can do, and so the first idea is perception. The idea that you're suffering is a source of meaning, your pain is a path to purpose, your hurt is a way to help. And, by the way, who would you be without your pain, perhaps much less than you are. Your pain needs to be integrated, and here's the thing about pain. It's like carrying a backpack you never get to take it off.

Dr. Jade Teta: 54:30

The problem, though, is what the villain does. Is they reach in their backpack, take out bricks and throw them at other people or the victim? What they do is they just take out the bricks, look at them and whine and whimper that they have bricks in their backpack. What the next level human does? The victor looks in their backpack, sees those bricks or building blocks that they can build something a school to protect other people, a building to protect others, a way to defend others. And so they all have to carry the backpack, but they all do something different with those bricks, and so, by you saying I needed this, you learn something.

Dr. Jade Teta: 55:01

You changed your perception. That's the first thing. Now, the second thing is ownership, which essentially says I will own this and use it for good in the world, and the journey is about both of those, and so, from the writing to the fasting, to the walking, that's all about changing perceptions. We've all heard about religious figures and philosophical figures who've walked and fasted and had ultra perceptual states. That's what all that's used for. But then we also construct an honor code and a new value system and a new way of seeing our pain so that we can integrate it in a different way.

Dr. Jade Teta: 55:36

And I'll give you a shortcut here. If you really wanna know how to transcend your pain, simply look for other people who are dealing with the same pain and seek to solve theirs, and they're all around you. I would argue that probably the people that you are struggling with the most are the ones that you need to solve their pain. Let's use your example of your grandfather. Here's a guy. If you really looked at, his story is probably a pretty horrific story of suffering, right Like. You know the little I know about him and again, I'm fascinated in all of him. Italian kid comes here. You know tough upbringing. You know a difficult world builds something for himself. You know he struggled in some way. Perhaps he's the very one that needs the love that you also needed from him. And that's the first place to start, because if you can do it with him, you can do it with anyone.

Lunden Souza: 56:29

Yeah, and that perception and ownership piece that comes with the writing, with the rewriting and owning that story has been so powerful and I've been utilizing it with my clients too. And you don't make the pain go away, like nothing gets rid of it. But in my visual system it's like a junk drawer or like just all these papers thrown in a cabinet but not filed the right way. And when we're doing these writing sessions it's like okay, yeah, here's what here's. Like, literally on paper, like you could fold it up nicely and put it somewhere. Like here's what I decided to make it mean Not like here's all these papers stuffed in drawers that I can't even open and I don't know what's in it and it's whatever it's like.

Lunden Souza: 57:08

It's a very great organization system for your nervous system to be able to call back on that story. It's not like you're never gonna remember the pain again or you're gonna make it go away, but you have a clear, congruent, rooted meaning of like, like I said, like I needed that or I couldn't imagine my life without that. And so I think you know I did it for one story and then you do it for another and another and you just become the author of this most beautiful, like master piece that you just kind of yeah, I just feel like it helps things feel very organized in my nervous system, helps the pain feel a little. I'm a pretty type A, so it's like it's like it organizes it in a way that is that brings peace and closure in a way that I didn't realize was possible until I started diving into that myself through you. I just thought it was really cool.

Dr. Jade Teta: 57:58

Yeah, and think about it this way, right, like you know, I forget what it's called the name, skipping my but there are people on the world who don't feel pain and they end up cutting their arms off and doing all kinds of damage to themselves. You don't want to not have the pain. The pain is a reminder of the good you will do with it. It should not be a reminder of how unsafe and unsecure you are. It should be a reminder of how you should work to create safety and security in the world for yourself and others. Right, it shouldn't be in the reminder of how worthless you are. It should be a reminder of you can create and generate worthiness and acceptance and belonging for yourself and others. In other words, a hero or a victor. What is that really Like? When you think about what is a hero? Every hero, every superhero we've ever learned about is simply someone who's hurt, who chooses to help people. It's the opposite of the hurt person who hurts people. It's the person who is hurt who chooses to help. That's the difference and you have to be that.

Dr. Jade Teta: 58:54

And this writing this narrative acts as because here's the thing once you write this, it's not like your life's just gonna all of a sudden not have storms. In fact, the way life works is it goes okay, Lunden, okay, Jade, okay, you all listening. It goes this, who you wanna be? Okay, then here it comes. We're gonna give you the challenges and more trials and see right Opportunities to be what you say, opportunities to be what you say, exactly. Those are gonna pop up again and again, and so those storms are gonna happen. And what you need in a storm is you need a lighthouse, you need an anchor, you need a sail, you need a compass. Right, you're stuck out on the ocean in this boat. You're gonna need those things. You're gonna need the compass, the sail, the lighthouse, the anchor. That's what an honor code. And this new narrative of this hero narrative, that's how they act. They act as a psychological compass, lighthouse, anchor and sail in the storms of life.

Dr. Jade Teta: 59:50

And guess what ends up happening? Right? We know we're not doing well with this when we see repeated patterns for current obstacle, stuck emotions, when the same storm happens over and over again, we seem to get stuck in the same storm. Life does this for a good reason because it goes okay, Lunden, okay, Jade, we're gonna keep you in this storm because you haven't learned a lesson. So you know you haven't got it. If you keep seeing repeated patterns, recurrent struggles, stuck emotions. However, once you get this new narrative and you start acting and you go through the storm and you make it through once, what happens is now you start seeing synchronicities and serendipities and coincidences and opportunities that bring you to new oceans, that bring you to new storms.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:00:32

And, by the way, once you get past this challenge, it's like we're playing a video game. The next one is coming. People call it a human school. That's exactly right. It's like we're in a video game. You get past level one, now you're on to level two. Get past level two, now you're on to level three. But don't get stuck in level one, right? Don't do that.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:00:54

It reminds me of Mario Brothers when I used to play it as a kid. Super Mario Brothers you get to the end of one level and you have to figure out the right sequence of fireballs and spins and jumps to like get past the big boss. And if you didn't do the right sequence, what happened? You died and had to repeat the whole thing. Repeated pattern. You have to go through the whole thing again until you figured it out. And once you clear that level. Life is always gonna bring it back to you one more time. It's gonna be like, just to make sure, we're gonna give you the same relationship. We're gonna give you the same financial struggle. We're gonna give you the same health issue. We're gonna give you the same thing and let's see if you remember the right sequence of fireballs, jumps and spins to get past this, and then you're on to the next thing.

Lunden Souza: 1:01:38

I like that a lot from you the repeated patterns, recurrent obstacles, stuck emotions as a tool to know if it's like you that needs to take care of your shit or if it's somebody else Like I think of romantic relationships, friendships and things like that, where I can think of one friend, for example, that I had to have a really tough conversation with and I practiced on my own with you and just trying to have this, and I had to ask myself, okay, is this a repeated pattern, recurrent obstacle? No, I don't have friends like that in my life. She's the only person that shows up like that. So that was helpful. That's a helpful tool to distinguish.

Lunden Souza: 1:02:14

Okay, is it my Taylor Swift moment? It's me, it's I, I'm the problem, it's me. Or is it a moment for me to set a boundary? Because it's very clear to me that this is not the normal flavor that's in my soup or this is not a topping that I normally see in my life, and so I like that, that recurrent patterns, stuck emotions, just some of that sameness. If we keep seeing that sameness, okay, we can be pretty sure it's us, if we, if this is like whoa, whoa, whoa, like this is not my norm, and I think that's a lot of the real life stuff is is our friendships, our relationships.

Lunden Souza: 1:02:51

What about when somebody is on their journey to becoming a next level human and their partner's not, or they're on a different spot? I know that you often say, and you've written a book that will come out next year. That's like you grow me, not you complete me, but like I think a lot of people are. Sometimes they go to, like I don't know, a retreat or an event like yours, or go and they have these profound aha, awakening moments and maybe somebody listening to it's like how do you start to integrate that with? Let's do it with romantic partners, because I think that's important.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:03:23

Yeah, well, I think the first thing is don't fall for the culture level, duality and binary thinking. Culture level people are stuck. You know, some people say you got to get out of the matrix. Right, to me, the matrix is the dualities and binary thinking up down, left, right, et cetera. So one thing is my romantic partner has to be a particular way. Right, that's a duality type of thinking, or that I'm better than and they're worse than, or that there's this duality thing there. So the first thing is is that realize that everyone is just on their path of growing. That's the first thing.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:03:59

Next level humans always, always, always integrate their selves and others simultaneously. A base level human will only care about their themselves. A culture level human will only care about their team. You know Democrats suck because I'm a Republican. Republicans suck because I'm a Democrat. You know men suck because I'm a women. Women suck because you know that's what we.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:04:19

The next level human goes I will always look after myself and other simultaneously. So in romantic partnerships they're not gonna say I have to stifle my growth to grow my partner. Nor are they gonna say I'm gonna grow on my own, regardless of what my partner does. What they're gonna do is. They're gonna play this game where they try to grow together and then they're gonna look at repeated patterns, recurrent obstacles, stuck emotions in the romantic coupling. So in every romantic relationship, there's you, there's me, and then there's an identity created in the middle that I call you me and you me. What happens in romantic relationships is that most people get too attached to the you me. They forget about themselves. A next level human is going to keep all three in mind. They're gonna be like I have to take care of myself, I have to take care of my partner, take care of themselves and we both have to take care of you me. So then you start looking at the repeated patterns, recurrent obstacles and stuck emotions of you me, that dynamic, and if that continues to be stuck recurrent obstacles and you can't move it and you've done everything that you can within reason without becoming the martyr and without draining all your own resources, then it might be time for you to go. If the boundaries don't work and the standards don't work and the other person is not willing to move, then you might have to go. And here's what is a really beautiful thing.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:05:44

Some people and every single one of us will relate to this if you have any experience in romantic relationships. Sometimes the only way that person changes is when they lose the thing that they were anchored to. Isn't that right? When they're forced to swim? When I was a kid, I learned to swim by my uncle just picked me up and threw me into the deep end and I had to figure it out.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:06:04

And sometimes, when we love ourselves and love others simultaneously, we simply have to grow in different directions. But you'll know, because it will be that dishwasher scenario that we talked about you go hey, babe, you don't do the dishes. And then you tell them thanks so much for helping with the dishes. When they just move one cup in the direction and then they go. That's right. I don't know what your problem is. I always do the dishes when they don't. That's probably gonna be the person that you're eventually gonna have to grow separate from.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:06:34

But I'd also say this another culture-level belief that is wrong is that romantic partnerships are supposed to be about you complete me. They're not. Every human dynamic is simply about growth. You grow yourself, you also try to grow others simultaneously, and an example of this, by the way just to kind of drive this home is the airplane oxygen mask. It's a great analogy because we all know it right. We all know you gotta put your oxygen mask on first before you help other people.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:07:00

Well, a base-level human in romance and in relationships with other humans is gonna put their oxygen mask on and then fold their arms and sit there in the chair, just like this. Or maybe, if they got a wife and a kid next to them, they're gonna put their oxygen mask on and put their kids stuff on, right. That's what a base-level human's gonna do. The culture-level human what they're gonna do is they're gonna put their oxygen mask on and they're gonna look for every other person who's also wearing a blue shirt and try to help them, but maybe run around and the people who are wearing the red shirts try to pull their oxygen masks off right. That's what a culture-level person is gonna do.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:07:30

What a next-level human's gonna do is they're gonna put their oxygen mask on. They're gonna help the person to the right and left of them, they're gonna help the three people in front of them and the three people behind them, and then they're gonna stay there and hope that, by their example, every other person on the airplane does the same. That's the same thing that we have to do in relationships, regardless of whether it's our parents, our siblings, our coworkers, our romantic relationships. That's how we have to do it, and if someone comes and tries to take your oxygen mask off, move away from them. That's your only choice at that point and that is a very next-level way of doing things. That is a next-level human using their base-level aspects of themselves for protection in the right way.

Lunden Souza: 1:08:16

Yeah, I love that, and I think one of the things that I find is helpful for me when, yeah, planting seeds in other people's lives that we love in a way, that's not like I know this and you need to be this way and change now is by sharing books with them or YouTube videos or things. So someone listening might be like, okay, I'm on board. This resonates with me. Maybe they've been listening to your work before, jade, and maybe this is the podcast that you can share with your partner or your friend. I've also gifted your book Human 365, to a lot of people in a way that I feel like it's not coming from me, right, it's like a third-party source. Someone else wrote it, a different video or like a video from Dr Joe Dispenza, where I just kind of like, hey, you should listen to this podcast, I loved it, maybe it might resonate with you. Or here, I really like this book, maybe you wanna check it out too. And so, I think, a lot of friendships, especially, too, when I've gifted them even my dad the Human 365 book. It's cool because they're reading it daily. It creates a different dialogue than we would normally have, which might be more culture-level in some cases.

Lunden Souza: 1:09:21

I think sharing podcasts like these or books like yours are helpful to kind of elevate the conversation a little bit and do that so for anybody listening. If you feel like I don't know, hey, I'm getting this. This resonates like share this podcast with someone, grab Jade's book and gift it to them. I think that's always really helpful to utilize other tools other than what we think the other person should be doing.

Lunden Souza: 1:09:48

One of the things that you and I talk about and I think we could probably wrap it up here is living a life of used to's, like getting to the end of our lives, which death is an open topic between you and I, and we talk about it very realistically. I'm that when we get to the end of our lives, you wanna we don't wanna Get to the end of our life, thinking like we did things the same, like I used to think this was important. I used to be a person that would react in this way. I used to treat people maybe in this way, and now I don't and being really, yeah, fulfilled through all the different versions of ourselves and all of that change the next level human lives by three imperatives.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:10:29

In my mind, that's learn, teach and love. Right and so if you get to the end of your life and you're saying things like I always wanted to do this and I always wanted to do that and I wish I had been this and I wish I had done that, this is a life where you didn't learn. So we can all check in right now, like how many of us have things that we can go. I wanted to do this, I wanted to do that, I wish I had done this, I wish I'd been that. What you really want to do is you want to. When you know you're learning, when you're like I used to be a liar, I used to be a cheater, I used to be angry, I used to be so sad, I used to be overweight, I used to you know Not have visited all the countries I visited. You know now I've traveled all over the place. Right, so you know that you're living the next level human way of doing things, when you can say I used to Wow, I used to, I used to, I used to, I used to versus I wanted to. This means that you're learning the, the primary Goal set of a next level human in my mind, is someone who wants to grow, and not just grow for themselves, but grow so that they can enrich others and evolve the world. That is what purpose and fulfillment is all about. If you're gonna do that, you really want to be Someone who's all about the used to Culture level.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:11:49

People don't change. Base level people resist change and even want to pull you backwards. And if you think about this, just historically speaking, base level humans are always trying to bring us backwards. They always are invoking something in the past that was better and they're gonna bring us back culture level. So always like, let's not change, let's just stay right here. And there's this balance between next level people into this forward base level people pulling us backwards. And so if you're listening to this, I would say the more culture level people who start living this used to way of doing things that I think changes a good thing. Change is the best thing. It's, it's, it's inevitable. By the way, things are going to change regardless, so you might as well get on board and change with it, and when you do that, you tilt the balance. You literally start tilting the balance like I'm that, that tug of war between the base level and the next level.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:12:40

With all these culture level people in the in the middle, the silent Majority who are just not getting involved, you can begin to say no, I want to see a better world and therefore I will simply be the better human I will get out of this binary. I'm better than you and these arguments and these things that go on a social media and all this political division and simply just go. I am going to stop arguing about what a good human is. I'm going to start being it, which then means I need to change, which means my language is going to be language of used to. I used to be this, I used to be that, and now I'm better and the world around me is better as a result. And when all of us do that, we evolve. And one thing I'll add for, to close, is I, you know, thinking about just relationships friendships, all those things is like.

Lunden Souza: 1:13:25

There will be people who will point out those used to. What do you mean? You're like that you know, and being able to acknowledge them. And like you're right, I did. I used to be that way. I used to be a person that would be in that space, and now this is who I want to be and acknowledging the used to instead of you know, denying who we maybe once were, and all these different evolutions. I feel like that's been helpful for me to have deeper friendships and relationships to. When they decide they maybe want to call me out on certain behaviors or whatever, I'm like you're so right. Yeah, I did do that.

Dr. Jade Teta: 1:13:57

Yeah, let me say one thing about boundaries there, just as we wrap this up to me I have. I think there's one rule that every next level human, aspiring, next level human needs to Keep in mind never, ever, let someone treat you away. You are not, or no longer wish to be, next level. Humans don't do that. They treat people as their better selves. Do not let someone treat you as a past self. Some never let someone treat you away. You are not or no longer wish to be. Only keep company with those people who call forth your best, and you do the same for your friends.

Lunden Souza: 1:14:31

Jade Teta, I adore you, love you too, Thank you so much for listening to this episode of self love and sweat the podcast. Hey, do me a favor wherever you're listening to this podcast, give us a review. This really helps a lot and share this with a friend. I'm only one person and with your help, we can really spread the message of self love and sweat and change more lives all around the world. I'm Lunden Souza, reminding you that you deserve a life full of passion, presence and purpose, fueled by self love and sweat. This podcast is Hitspot Austria production.