Pain, Validation & Shining Your Light in 2024 (and beyond!) with Megan Gallagher

2024 is the year to STOP dimming your light and truly live your purpose expansively! If other people are triggered by your light and confidence...that's up to them to deal with it. We LOVE having Megan Gallagher on the show (yup, she's back!) and you're not going to to want to miss this empowering conversation.

Who is Megan Gallagher?
She is changing the school system one talk at a time. She is a mental health advocate for teens and 2x TEDx speaker

Timestamps to help you navigate this episode:
0:00   Intro
2:45   FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
12:11 Emotional Intelligence and Understanding Emotions
19:05 Navigating Emotional Upbringing and Supporting Students
37:10 Navigating Success and Overcoming Triggers
41:46 Sponsor: Snap Supplements 25% OFF using code LUNDEN25
42:53 Embracing Discomfort and Navigating Relationships

Tune in to other episodes with Megan:
EP 127 TRANSFORMING EDUCATION: MENTAL HEALTH & MINDFULNESS IN THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM

Connect with Megan:
IG: @meganwgallagher

Transcript

Lunden Souza: 2:26

Welcome to Self Love and Sweat The Podcast, the place where you'll get inspired to live your life unapologetically, embrace your perfect imperfections, break down barriers and do what sets your soul on fire. I'm your host, Lunden Souza. Hey, have you grabbed your free Self Love and Sweat monthly calendar yet? This calendar is so amazing. It comes right in your inbox every single month to help you have a little nugget of wisdom, a sweaty workout, a mindset activity, just a little something, something to help keep you focused and motivated and keep that momentum towards your goals. So every day, when you get this calendar, you'll see a link that you can click that will lead to a podcast episode or a workout or something that will be very powerful and quick to read. And then you'll also see, on the top left corner of every single day, there's a little check box in the calendar and what that is is that's for your one thing. You can choose one thing every month, or it can be the same, something that you want to implement and make this something that you can easily implement, like daily meditation or getting a certain amount of steps or water, for example, and staying hydrated and even taking your supplements. This can be something if you want to get more regular doing a particular habit and routine. You can choose what that check box means. So if you want your self love and sweat free monthly calendar delivered right to your inbox every month on the first of the month, go to lifelikelunden. com/ calendar. Fill out the form really quickly and you will have your calendar in your inbox within a few short minutes. That's lifelikelunden L-I-F-E-L-I-K-E-L-U-N-D-E-N dot com forward slash calendar. Go get yours for free and enjoy this episode.

Lunden Souza: 4:33

Hey, friends, happy today. Welcome to Self Love and Sweat, both radio and podcast. Super excited that now the podcast is available on Dash radio on the expansion channel, and I think I'm even more excited that Megan is here with us, too. Megan Gallagher what's up, sister? How are you?

Megan Gallagher: 4:51

Hey Lunden, how are you?

Lunden Souza: 4:54

I'm doing so good. I'm happy to have you. I don't want to intro you. Tell everyone a little bit about who you are and your mission in the world. She's amazing. I love you.

Megan Gallagher: 5:02

Yes, so my name is Megan Gallagher and I am a two time TEDx speaker, four time Amazon best seller, mental health advocate for young adults, tv host, blogger, a tick tocker you name it, I do it and I'm so passionate about mental health. Really everything that I do stems back to mental health and really giving back, and I call it giving a voice to the voiceless because I've had my own struggles. When I was in high school, I was having crippling panic attacks, no self awareness. You know, when you're a teenager, you're already going through so many changes hormonal, physical, mental and I just felt so alone. You know, I felt really just like a shell of a person and I will never forget having a mini rock bottom moment, like we all in our lives will have, kind of like that something has to change right?

Megan Gallagher: 5:56

And at 16, I remember sitting in the girls bathroom stall in my high school, hearing the hum of the generator in the bathroom, staring at the tiles on the ground, and I was just like I'm like something, really just. I was like I want to feel better and I'm like you know what, at 16, I don't even see a future for myself because I'm just like focused on making it five more minutes and I was in survival mode, hanging on by a thread in all areas of my life, and I'm like I just want to feel better. So I really reached out to my community and asked for help from my parents, and they put me in therapy immediately. But you know, that's why I do what I do is I had my own journey and I have been on this ride for 10 years, since I was 18. And I've loved it. I've loved every second of it, and so it's been a decade of really, you know, giving back.

Lunden Souza: 6:47

Yeah, I love that and I, Megan and I we haven't met in person, but we were just talking off air before we started about how I'm going to be in Texas where she lives in June of next year and I'm so excited and we both said we're like it kind of feels like we've already been friends.

Lunden Souza: 7:01

So it'll just be like the icing on the cake, because Megan was on, you were on my podcast before and we talked all about like mental health in the school systems, mental health being or tools to support our mental health being available to us like so much sooner.

Lunden Souza: 7:21

And I know, you know and those listening you go to school and there's like math and science and social studies and like PE and you know all these like basic classes that were used to being incorporated in like regular school air quotes, if you will, and I remember us like diving into, like what a typical day in an ideal dream school would be for us, like incorporating things like breathwork and meditation and all these tools that, like I didn't find. Or even like you were 16 when you had that moment I think I was probably like 23, 24, where I had this moment where I'm like wait, like I want to feel good. I don't know what's going on. I don't have the tools and resources. You know Western medicine is not providing these tools and resources, school education system is not, and so I think you and I really bonded over that, because we both love breathwork and meditation and all of these tools for mental health, so I really loved that conversation.

Megan Gallagher: 8:27

It's so powerful Lunden and I agree. I think you know there are so many of us that wish in our middle school, high school, college, that there were classes really preparing us for like real life. You know, I understand learning about Math and History and Science and all that stuff is so important, but I always wished, when I was in my high school I can't even count to like tell you how many times I would I was sitting, you know, in my class staring at the clouds. You know, I was always so creative and free spirited and I always felt like a tug and a calling just towards being an entrepreneur, even at like a young age, when it wasn't really cool or there wasn't a class about it. I remember staring out the staring out in the clouds and, you know, just really thinking like I.

Megan Gallagher: 9:13

I was like I just always feel like I'm just different. You know, something in me just doesn't. I don't resonate with Math and although those classes are great, like I was saying, I always wish that there was a class about mental health or just how to listen to your intuition or what is happiness. And I just think that so many young adults, because there are no classes, so many young adults, you know, feel like so, just embarrassed and ashamed and awkward when they're hit 25, 30, you know, when you're really evolving into an adult and they're like, wait, I'm not happy in this nine to five or in this relationship. Wait, I feel so out of alignment like I just I'm depressed. It's because you're probably not listening to your intuition, you're probably not following your dreams and you're settling and just doing things to be realistic and practical and I just wish that when I was younger, they prepared us for, like, how to actually find a meaningful, purposeful life.

Lunden Souza: 10:12

You know, yeah, yes, absolutely. And I guess I'll pre frame this part by saying, like I'm not a parent, I'm 99% sure you're not a parent also, Megan, right? But I was talking about this the other day and really thinking about this. You know, growing up, we often ask kids like what do you want to be when you grow up? And it's like, you know, doctor, lawyer, teacher, marine biologist or like whatever. But I always feel like that does such a disservice, because number one it presupposes that we have to choose one thing, and I know I can speak for myself that, like I thrive running multiple businesses. I love that I can be a master life coach, NLP practitioner. I love I can have my podcast. I love that I can have my Beauty Counter business. I love that I can do voiceover work. Like that part I just feel like fuels my creative energy.

Lunden Souza: 11:10

And so I think what a better question is is like how do you want to feel when you grow up? Like, what do you want to exude on a day to day basis? What does that look like? And I think like to your point of okay, well, I'm in this nine to five and all of a sudden I'm like in the soup, I drank the Kool-Aid and I didn't even like realize I had an option to have multiple avenues or streams of income. I didn't realize I could wear multiple hats and that could be okay. So I often will ask my niece or kids that I work with, like okay, well, like, how do you want to feel when you grow up? Like what is, what are experiences you want to have? Right and to your point, like if we're taught to listen to our intuition and to understand the differentiating factors between feelings of like happiness and joy and frustration and anger and sadness, and like tuning into these different voices, I just like that would be a much better question, don't you think?

Megan Gallagher: 12:11

Um, yes, because when you teach young adults because at that age you know your brain is developing so much, like your frontal cortex, which controls emotional regulation, and like so much of your you just you're growing into yourself, you're being stretched, you're having your first social, you know major relationship interactions, you're learning for some people it's the time when they have their first you know romantic relationships and you're having prom and all these things and you're getting ready for college. It's so much change at once and I always wished, yeah, like why can't we have a class about really emotional intelligence and understanding our emotions? Because if you think about it, if you go through life your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s always on autopilot, just you know band-aid over bullet hole, like, oh, I'm fine, I'm just tired. Well, really, but it's like why, though? Every time you question, but why are you tired, you'll get to the root. It's like a method I call funnel thinking, where, if you think about a funnel, at the top it's very wide and broad and it goes down to a narrow point.

Megan Gallagher: 13:13

Any time I in my own life because a therapist taught me that technique anytime I in my own life, you know, feel like just, oh, I'm stressed, but I always am trained because of the therapist. I question it. But why am I stressed? Oh well, I mean it's you get more specific, more specific, and then boom, you know your real root answer at the tip, because it's narrow. And I always just wish, yeah, there was a class about like understanding our emotions, because you want to go through life being mindful, and that's why I love practices like journaling and breathwork and where you can actually label the emotion. And you know how do I feel? Well, I feel, you know, depressed or nostalgic, sad, not good enough, insecure, anxious, uncomfortable like really label it and don't be afraid to label it.

Megan Gallagher: 14:00

And that's a part two of what I wish was taught in my school was, you know, not having guilt or shame or embarrassment with these emotions, like you know, just knowing that it's so normal and everyone all nine, whatever eight billion humans on this planet we all feel the same emotions, just in a different way and they manifest a little bit differently.

Megan Gallagher: 14:27

But, to know that anything related to mental health or just the holidays, it's a lot of emotions to navigate. It's so normal, like knowing it's normal releases, because mental health can bring so much guilt and shame and embarrassment and isolation with it but you got to like let that go, you know.

Lunden Souza: 14:45

Yeah, I don't know if we talked about this on our last episode. We might have but the feelings wheel. Do you use the feelings wheel? Do you know?

Megan Gallagher: 14:52

what that is. I love the feelings wheel.

Lunden Souza: 14:55

Yeah, same.

Lunden Souza: 14:56

And for those of you listening, it's like I think it's like thefeelingswheel. com or feelingswheel. com you can just find it for free and it's like this wheel of all these different colors and a lot of different words for different feelings and emotions.

Lunden Souza: 15:09

And at first I thought I would be overwhelmed by having a lot of different words for different feelings, but actually it was super empowering to be like okay, what's the difference between like sadness and despair and resentment? And another book that I love is Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown, and she does a really good job at putting like solid definitions to some of these emotions. And I think, like you said, it might be like a closet that we think there's a monster in, that we're like afraid to look in. But I highly encourage anybody listening and I'm sure you would too as well, Megan like, look at the feelings wheel, like just read through it, look through some of the different words, because there are some differences and it's not always just like mad, sad, glad or, like I think Brene Brown says it, or someone said it like Dr Seuss words for our emotions Like mad, sad, glad, bad. It's like there's so many other juicier options, don't you think yes?

Megan Gallagher: 16:11

I agree. And not just this, yeah, not just like, oh, I'm just tired. It's like, specify it a little bit, but what are you really? Are you feeling depressed, sad, fatigued, lethargic, burnt out? You know, really get, because the more I've realized this, the more specific you get. You're only helping yourself feel better and actually figure out a solution and feeling your cup.

Megan Gallagher: 16:35

I think sometimes people can be raised depends on the household that you grow up in. I feel like I got lucky because you know I grew up in a household where my parents really encouraged my sister and I like feel your feelings. This is a safe household. Express yourself, we will hold the space for you and I know not everyone grows up in households like that. And I think how you're raised, like from ages you know, like four to you're like a sponge, you're absorbing your environment and that like shapes your foundation.

Megan Gallagher: 17:11

Of course you can do healing work later on in life, but people really are raised and conditioned like when you're born, if you imagine, like Play-Doh, straight out of the can, no one has touched it fresh, and then ages two, three, four, if you're slowly getting molded and shaped, different edges and morphed, and then all of a sudden you know you're 25 years old, your community, your household, religion, your parents' marriage all of that shapes you and how you view the world, your belief about love, what is possible with money, what communication looks like.

Megan Gallagher: 17:44

So if you grow up in a household where there is extreme like addiction and abuse and you're walking on eggshells all the time and it's like survival mode, not only is your nervous system wrecked, but you that's like your normal because you grew up with that. So you're going to probably attract relationships that are toxic and very like survival mode, abuse it. So it's like whatever we grow up with. That's where a sponge for that environment and you know it's powerful because we you know, we really just are, like I said, we can do so much healing work but, like for me, I feel so grateful because, yeah, my parents were so encouraging Like you know, whatever you're feeling is normal and they did a great job of structure, discipline, but also allowing us to be creative and to explore our passions, and so I think a lot of people may not be super aware of how their you know like childhood really affects the way that their mind is like wired.

Lunden Souza: 18:46

Yeah, yeah, that's huge, it's major. I think I really lucked out on the parents. In fact, I know I really lucked out on the parents card too. Looking back and remember, our memories are like only 50% accurate anyways, right. So it's like I always pre frame that too because, yeah, looking back, I don't.

Lunden Souza: 19:06

I definitely my dad was a coach growing up or he, you know, was my whole life, and so it was definitely more like suck it up, find a way, figure it out. I don't think that my emotions and my wide range of emotions were as honored as maybe yours were. It was more just kind of like get over it, move on, find a way, push through. And I'm really grateful for that, because now, through this healing journey, I'm like, oh hell's, yeah, I like that quality about me, I like my find a way, get her done, like push through. You know mentality.

Lunden Souza: 19:44

But I've also found a little bit more softness and grace for myself, because my parents were just imperfect beings, humans doing the best with the tools that they've had. And I love the work I've done on communication and this work, because now I get to have these really powerful and profound conversations with my parents and luckily they're not like defensive of like oh, you know, you know you're like, they're very open to these conversations and open to improvement, which I, which I absolutely love. And you know, I know you do a lot of speaking and you go to like schools, high schools, junior highs, all the things, knowing that you've had the supportive, free spirit, be your creative self type of parents. How do you help students who don't have that?

Megan Gallagher: 20:31

That's a great question and, honestly, that comes up more times than you would even imagine, like over my career, the past 10 years. If I think back on all of the middle school, high school, colleges, even Fortune 500 companies, but especially the schools that I've spoken at, you would be so shocked as to how many kids grow up in households where they do not feel heard and seen and understood. And for me, I can sometimes tell, sometimes not, but I can sometimes tell the kids who really are growing up in difficult homes, because when I speak and when I share my stuff and inspire them, they're like what you know, it's like I'm opening a world that they never knew existed. They were like wait, what I'm feeling has a name. It's anxiety. I'm not crazy, like, oh, so maybe this relationship is toxic, like they can label things, and I feel like for me to be able to give that gift to people of being able to label and identify emotions, mental health stuff and what's okay, what's not okay, for me to be able to do that for other people is probably the greatest gift that I could ever ask for. It's, you know, it's really like I said, giving a voice to the voiceless and being that person, that change maker for other people, because I remember when I was in high school, even though I grew up in a great household, I still struggled so deeply with mental health issues because there was no conversation, no self awareness, and I just was like, oh, I'm just dying every day, it's normal. But I, you know. So I really am doing this for my younger self and because I told myself I never want any other student to feel this way. I felt so alone and so, just like this weird, secret, little, invisible illness, I felt so ashamed, but now I'm like the most open book and I'm so empowered by it because you realize now I'm spiritual, so I'm like it happened for a reason.

Megan Gallagher: 22:31

But, to answer your question, Lunden, like all the schools that I've spoken at, there are so many kids that you know also will listen to me, talk. They don't ask me questions, but then after they'll find me on Instagram and they will say things you know like, oh my gosh. You know, Megan, like I loved what you said and I'm sorry I didn't ask the question, but and then they'll pour their heart out to me and they're like you know, my household is this, or I'm dating this guy right now and he makes me feel XYZ, like what should I do? And to me it's special because you know they're still going to find me online and DM me. And I think it's powerful too because I think with men and women, even though it's 2023, times are different.

Megan Gallagher: 23:10

I think men and women can sometimes be raised differently when it comes to mental health and talking about emotions and being in touch with their feelings, and the amount of guys that DM me on Instagram. They don't really ask questions in the talks, but they'll always find me online after and they say things like hey, megan, you know what you said was so powerful and I've been going through, you know, this pressure to be like the perfect football player and excel and succeed and be the man and like have that hot girlfriend, but then guess what? They're still human beings. So they also feel like not good enough at times and insecure and worried about failing and should I'm, what if I don't impress my parents? And just all the pressure that can really make you have just like a breakdown.

Megan Gallagher: 23:57

And so it's powerful when they find me online. But a lot of people you'd be so shocked. It's a sad reality, but a lot of people grow up in households that are not supportive and not that safe space for you to like be a kid or a teenager. A lot of people have to grow up very quickly or take care of their parents or you know. So I just feel grateful I can use my stuff. You know, to be that person.

Lunden Souza: 24:24

Yeah, absolutely. And what I hear you say is like we all come from different backgrounds, different family lives, whatever, but you're opening that door for people to see and then they still have to walk their own path. They still have to, you know, turn their mess into their message or find that message in some of that misery. And you know, I truly believe you know that our parents and our parents' parents like, do the best with the tools that they have, and so a lot of you know what I coach on, especially in communication and things like that is to like, okay, I know it's frustrating and I found myself super angry for a while. I was like angry that my parents didn't know better. But then it's like when you do the let's say, the social studies within your own family, so you start to look back at your family line, your own history book.

Megan Gallagher: 25:18

It's a generational cycle.

Lunden Souza: 25:19

Yeah, you get to see like, okay, well, my parents were raised like this and this is where my grandparents came from. So, like how in the world can I expect them to have those tools? Like this is was my ownership moment, where it's like they didn't have that. And now this is your turn, Lunden. So if you choose to stay angry and you choose to, you know, be pissed off and point the blame at somebody else's fault, that's your choice. And then I have my niece. She's five and I'm like, oh no, like this is my job, it's my job to do the communication, it's my job to teach about feelings and ways to regulate your nervous system and that it's okay to feel a certain type of way. But you can't see it here in the video and of course, those people that are listening can't see it either. But I have a picture of my great grandmother on my shelf up here because it reminds me of her, who came from Italy to America, didn't know anyone, arranged marriage no choice, you know, never saw her family again. There was not like cell phones and FaceTimes and ways to stay connected Like when she, I know, when she found out that her mother died. She found out because they took a picture of her dead mother in the casket and then they mailed it to her. And when we were cleaning out her stuff after she passed away, my cousin found that picture right of, like, her dead mom and we were like, what is this? And we were like, oh well, that was a nice delivery message. So it's like, of course, she didn't have the tools that we have now and there's so much gratitude for the hardships that she went through, because now I get to have, you know, like we talked about in the beginning, I can do whatever I want, I can have whatever jobs I want, I get to live my dream of being able to travel the world and live wherever I want. And now I'm in the mountains and I love it, and I get to go to Cabo after Christmas. Like that's not because I just did it all on my own. That's like a lot of sacrifices along the line that, I think, allowed me to appreciate that a little bit more.

Lunden Souza: 27:17

And then, of course, feelings of anxiety and stress and all of that. Oh my gosh, I bet you my and not to discount my feelings, because I want to. You know, all of feelings are valid, but it's like my anxiety and stress is like. When I look at it, it's like, you know, grains of sand compared to the mounds of stress and anxiety she must have felt, you know, moving to a different country and not having her. You know all these different things. And so I just share that, because that's been so healing for me. And I think we have to look back. We have to, like do our own social studies work, you know, and like go back in our own history class of our own family line and, like you said, that funnel where it's like you get to that point where you're like, oh, I can't do anything but say thank you, like I am no longer angry, like I'm so grateful for all of that foundational groundwork that led me to be where I am at now. You know, like it gives me goosebumps even talking about it right now.

Megan Gallagher: 28:17

Yeah, and it's so powerful what you just said, Lunden, because it's like, honestly, you know the I'll I agree to like, for we all let's be real, no matter how amazing your childhood was, we all have stuff, we all have baggage. Nothing is perfect and it's. It's a powerful thing because in the healing journey, I call it undoing the doing. You know something was once done but you're peeling away those layers and for most adults not all, but the ones that are self aware in our open and on that healing journey, their walk about I call it like an Australia they're on their walk about. You know, when you reach, I think, like 25 and just beyond, in those years, you know 26, 27, 20, 29, 30, as you, you literally just start looking back and questioning things, which is good, that's a part of the journey. You question Did I really love this tradition and this belief about love and the way that my parents were strict and you know, did this and that and that? And you know you have to realize that it is. You know it's so powerful when you can go through, kind of the seven stages of grief, where maybe you feel angry but you feel into it, and then you maybe, you know, pass through different emotions of gratitude and acceptance and etc. And for me, I know for sure, like when I, yeah, and you look back at maybe, your parents, the way that they were raised, maybe they're just doing the best that they could with what they knew. You know, I mean, if we think about it, our parents mine grew up in the late 70s, early 80s. Times were very different. And then, if you look back at different generation my grandparents grew up in the 40s and 50s you know, like they grew up it was very much survival, depression after the depression. You know, just get a job, just go to college and you're the Betty Crocker at home If you're a girl. Like times were so different. My grandma got married at 22 and had her first child at 23,. You know, and it's fascinating to me, and she's been through so much, like she's, you know, been a widow, multiple, like she's been through a lot and she's still so strong.

Megan Gallagher: 30:24

And I just think that that generation, you know, went through so much. But no one talked about things. You know, it was just very much like, oh, mental health under the rug, oh, you know, you're, you know, gay or lesbian or under the rug, and it's. It makes me sad to think back.

Megan Gallagher: 30:42

I feel so grateful to grow up in this generation because, you know, it makes me sad to look back and to think about how much shame and isolation people went through in that day and age where God forbid they didn't want to go to college or they resonated with a different sexuality. I mean, they were just like shunned or they had to push it down. And when I feel like, when you bottle up your emotions or when you suppress who you really are, it just manifests in such unhealthy ways or you want to drink away the pain or you think something is wrong with you, but it's so, not true. And so I think, yeah, just like the whole Parenting Forgiveness Act, it's a really beautiful journey when, yeah, you can get to a point and look back, like for you, Lunden, and be like you know what. I'm so grateful because all of that conditionings and the teachings and the way that I grew up it did somehow shape me into the successful person that I am today. It did give me the drive and you know, like for me.

Megan Gallagher: 31:41

Sometimes, you know, I look back and I'm like my anxiety though it did motivate the crap out of me, because I'm like I never want to feel this way again so it serves a purpose and I really think in those moments. I think of all of my favorite leaders and speakers and gurus that I look up to, like you know, ed Milet or Tony Robbins. I mean, they grew up in very difficult households, like Tony Robbins had an abusive alcoholic mother, grew up extremely poor.

Lunden Souza: 32:09

You know, but if he didn't have that?

Megan Gallagher: 32:11

upbringing, he would not be the person that he is today. That gave him so much drive and it probably taught him a lot about reading people and just so many little skills that shaped him into the powerful speaker that he is today and I'm. I would never say that that childhood is so not difficult and traumatizing, but it all serves a bigger purpose and that's why I always say you know it's happening for you, not to you, but yeah, I think it's just. Life is one giant, you know, unlayering, removing healing, going inward, and we're all on this journey.

Lunden Souza: 32:46

All humans are so hmm, oh, I love everything that you just said At the time of recording this. Right now, what's today, december 13. So we're at the end of 2023 at the time of recording this. And, yeah, speaking of like looking back on things that we learned from or things that maybe we thought were like disastrous, but now we're like wait, I would not have changed that because that was major. I needed that in my life, like I needed that pain in order to find my path to where I'm at now. And I think the more that you do that, it's like strengthening a muscle. It's like the more that you practice finding purpose and some of that pain, the more I think you look for it proactively. And I love and I know you do too like like that end of the year, like that retrospection, looking back, introspection, like what did we learn? What did we take from this year? What do we want to bring into next year? What do we want to, quite frankly, leave here? Because, like I mean, I'm not perfect and I just know there's some shit I messed up on, for sure, or like things, I'm just like those parts of you that, like you know, I can think of like envy and jealousy that was very prevalent for me early on this year, especially in relationships and things like that. Now I can't really remember her that much anymore and I'm super grateful and I'm like she can stay here in 2023, you know, that envy, that jealousy, that's not going to come with me next year. It's not necessary.

Lunden Souza: 34:19

It was helpful because it helped me, you know, identify some of those things I also think of. Like you know, especially the shoulds and supposed tos. You know, I think a lot about like. You know where I'm at in my life. I just turned 35, I'm not married, I don't have any kids. I, up until you know, july of this year, I was kind of living everywhere, just like out of my suitcase, traveling wherever I wanted to, loving that life, living that life, owning that life. But there is a lot of chatter, right, and it usually comes from people who are triggered by the fact that you're living out your unapologetic life and it reminds them that maybe they didn't do it right. Like, I'm not trying to like, I'm not trying to like call anybody out, but more so I had to tell myself that of like. Okay, it might just be that I'm living my life unapologetically and they're not, and so that's triggering, right, and so silencing a lot of those shoulds and supposed tos, I think was a huge learning this year.

Lunden Souza: 35:17

This time last year, I fully quit fitness, like I told myself I don't want to be a fitness coach anymore, I'm not going to coach fitness anymore.

Lunden Souza: 35:25

I didn't really know, if you know, I was making great money and collect all the things all my fitness career. I done it since 2012, right, so it was like eight years and I just was like no, this doesn't resonate with me anymore. And so now, looking back, I'm like so freaking grateful that I did that, that I stepped out, that I took the leap. So for me, those are some of the learnings about envy and jealousy, the shoulds and supposed tos. Taking that leap, even when you're scared shitless, like I just think there's nothing quite like starting when you're not ready and going for it when you don't think you're qualified yet, because I think that really super charges something inside of you that, like, nobody else can teach you. You know what about from your perspective, like what are some things that you learned this year? Or stuff where you're like that's going to stay in 2023, or I want to bring more of that in 2024.

Megan Gallagher: 36:17

Oh my gosh, so many things Lunden. But also I want to, I want to just do some snaps and really reiterate what you just said your lifestyle can really trigger some people. That is so like my soul just did a backflip, that this past year I experienced that on a deeper level. And it's awareness because for a while I was like, you know, is it? I'm like is something wrong with me or these relationships don't work. I'm like what is happening? But this year I did realize, and it's just the truth, it's not condescending, it's not cocky, it's just the truth. It's like when you are and I saw Brendan Bershard did a fabulous post, actually yesterday, I believe, about the, the, the taxes, the stuff that comes with being successful and really being a, you know, a fully lit, passionate person you get, you know, you the people's opinions.

Megan Gallagher: 37:11

You know some people will not support it and they don't want to see you live that fabulous, successful, really like just maxed out life. And he did a great post about navigating the emotional growing pains that come with being successful, the stuff that comes with it. But what you just said is so true like this past year, in 2023, I realized, you know, by me following my dreams and living this maxed out life, you know, in Austin, texas, and I can pick up and move wherever I run my own business. You know me getting in the really the best shape ever and just overall mind, body, soul, spirit, just really like so fulfilled, so happy, reaching my dreams and being, you know, outspoken about it. It will trigger some people, but there's a quote that I love your triggers are your responsibilities.

Megan Gallagher: 38:00

So if someone else is triggered, bothered, it triggers something by me living out my dreams and doing this, that's on them. You know your trigger is your responsibility. This is not an excuse to go around being, you know, like rude and mean. But no, no, no, you have to understand. Let's say, for example, if someone who lives in my apartment building is triggered by me doing all this, that's because there is a part of them that is not following their dreams. That's what a trigger is. You know they see something in me and they're like, ooh, I'm jealous and secure. I wish I was her envy. But some people are not self-aware enough to understand that their trigger is their responsibility and it's nothing to do with me. I'm just kind of a mirror of oh, there is something unhealed in me or I want to, whatever it is, but it's a real thing, you know, being successful. Like in all areas, it comes with extra stuff.

Lunden Souza: 39:00

But yeah, and don't you feel like? I feel like, no matter what, there's just going to be the peanut gallery, there's going to be the chatter and the noise. We just cannot please everybody. We just can't, never, never. And I just feel like ugh, there's, and it was so unconscious, like I wasn't consciously trying to please people, but I think I was unconsciously playing small because I didn't want to be like too much. The other day we were on a meditation call for our Nava community. We were going to meditate together and we all unmuted ourselves for like 30 seconds to say like what we wanted to let go of. And I, when I said it, I was like, oh, I want to let go of playing small. Like I feel like I've dimmed my light because for some unconscious, subconscious reasoning, I thought that I was, like you know, being too much for others and I'm just sick of that shit. Like I'm not playing small anymore, I'm turning my light up super bright.

Lunden Souza: 39:57

I'm not going to you know it doesn't matter because like.

Lunden Souza: 39:59

I'm going to die. You know, I have a note on my fridge that says you know I'm going to die, nobody cares, it's time, you know, it's like that reminds me of my mortality. You know, not in a like, not in a, I mean. I guess maybe for some people it might seem morbid, but not really in a morbid way. More, just like, girl, let's go time. You don't know if you get another round Like, let's go chop, chop. You know.

Lunden Souza: 40:24

And I just feel like that's really helped me get that that good tunnel vision of just like, no, I'm not going to die. But I think that's what I'm talking about. That's the whole definition of just like. No girl like, this is your light, turn it up, crank it up. But I think also this year too was a realization of that. Like just certain habits, limiting beliefs, different things I was doing was really a reflection of that subconscious belief of like I have to play small, I can't be too big, I can't be too bright, or it might be uncomfortable for some people, but I'm like, if it's uncomfortable for them, then I don't need to be around them.

Lunden Souza: 40:57

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Lunden Souza: 41:59

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Megan Gallagher: 42:54

No, their triggers are their responsibility and you should just, anytime you feel like you know you're around people and you feel I call it an old timeline because, let's be real, there will always be people throughout our whole life. The more successful we get, it doesn't matter how we can we become a billionaire, there will always be people who are bothered by it. But I say this, I have all the affirmations in my iPhone all the time. Their triggers are their responsibility and also, let's be real, the people that are also on that path of following their dreams and pushing it and really maxing out. They'll never have a opinion or a problem with you following your dreams. It's always people that are like either doing and I'm not trying to sound condescending when this comes out, but are doing less than you, or just not on that path. So what you said is so powerful and it's like when you realize also that this is something that I love to tell myself, if I feel like uncomfortable in life and like, ooh, just all you know, like I'm really being stretched and out of my comfort zone, it means you're doing something right. So congratulations.

Megan Gallagher: 44:02

I think as a society, sometimes we can tell ourselves oh, like, if I feel like I'm not dying, but if I feel like uncomfortable because I'm doing so many things and growing and doing things outside my comfort zone and really living in my light, it means you're doing something right, you know. It means you are growing and you are growing at a fast rate. You know whether that's living in a different city from your family, traveling to a foreign country, of course, the nerves, the fear, all that but those are good nerves and good fears. So, congratulations, you know, keep on doing things outside of your comfort zone. And yeah, I think for me too, I've had so many friendships this past year dwindle away, which has been painful at times, but I also trust I would rather follow my dreams to the max and be surrounded by like-minded, high-vibed people than anything else.

Megan Gallagher: 44:56

So, to me, I listen to my intuition. When a relationship starts feeling like you're putting on a pair of pants from when you're five years old, you know it just doesn't fit, I'm like this has reached its expiration date. So, yeah, I totally feel that and I think, as we go into 2024 and we're ending 2023, it's a great way to reflect what are you proud of? What do you want to bring into 2024? And I feel like for me. I definitely this past year I learned so much about myself. This chapter in Austin, texas, a lot of unexpected life moments, but it taught me so many things.

Lunden Souza: 45:40

I have one more thing I want to bring up, because you brought up Brandon Burchard and then it made me think of his book High Performance Habits. Then it made me think of this book I recently read.

Lunden Souza: 45:48

I'm really moved by books, I love to read and I remember Brandon Burchard wrote this book High Performance Habits and that's the book that I read right before I quit my job in Austria to pursue my own thing. And I remember being like at a photo shoot, getting my hair and makeup done, and reading that book and like every second I got I was like glued to that book and it like changed me, it profoundly changed me, and then recently I read this book. I joined a book club. Since moving to Utah I've been wanting to meet new people, so I joined a book club. The first book we read was called Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Miss. I highly recommend it. If you haven't read it, it's so good. Okay, I like there's so many mic drop moments in that book Speaking of mic drop moments you're going to like and the audio book. The book, I guess, is a lot longer, but the audio book is two and a half hours, so I've listened to it like four times.

Megan Gallagher: 46:40

Now I'm obsessed. That sounds really good.

Lunden Souza: 46:42

Obsessed. I think I've like told everybody that I love they need to read it. So one of the things that she says that totally changed me and I know is going to be like the trajectory for 2024 for me. She says the first marriage you have needs to be to yourself. The first marriage you have needs to be to yourself, and when I look back at so many relationship patterns which, undoing the doing right, I'm currently unlearning, undoing a lot of the sameness of the ways I've showed up in relationships, I kind of just got like sick of my own shit. You know, I was like I don't want to be that person anymore. I got to know time for me and I got to do my own thing. And so that part though your first marriage has to be to yourself was so profound, because I think sometimes we can look for somebody to like make us feel a certain type of way or to fulfill a particular need, and that's something that I'm for sure leaving in 2023.

Lunden Souza: 47:39

And I wake up in the morning now, ever since, you know, when you just read something and you're just like never the same again, I wake up in the morning and there's like, there's like a like the union, the couple that lives inside me talks to each other of like good morning, sweetheart, I love you, you're so beautiful. Like there's like this dialogue of this marriage and this union between myself. Right, I live alone. I am alone, like you know. I just, yeah, I guess, yeah, I'm a self talker, so I'm talking to myself out loud sometimes when I'm wake up.

Lunden Souza: 48:09

But I'm like that was so profound too, because I'm like, oh, as I'm continuing to learn, like you said, your triggers are your responsibility. So, as I'm triggered, I'm like I don't need somebody to come and calm the trigger, I need to go in and have this union with myself. That's like, huh, where did that come from? Why, what might have happened? It happened like go through that social studies history book of myself and look back and, oh, and I don't know how that sits with you or what that says to you, but I'm like that's kind of what I want to do is like I just want to like marry myself and fall back in love with myself and like dig deep into who I am and, you know, get rid of like prune the book like the rose bush, if you will of like you know what's dead, what's, what needs to be cut what?

Lunden Souza: 48:58

What do we need to foster? Even more of what are we missing? What nutrients do we need in order to bloom? And that's just like my theme is like I'm gonna propose to me from me. I have my aura ring, so maybe that's my wedding ring to myself.

Lunden Souza: 49:14

but I'm like that's what really 20, what I mean I don't wanna wait till 2024 to feel that, and I read that book a couple months ago so it's been kind of resonating with me. But that's really my theme from now and into next year is just like how can I love and nurture and marry myself even more?

Megan Gallagher: 49:33

I love that. That is so powerful, Lunden, and I feel like it's just so true. You know, self love is such a lifelong journey. It's not an overnight fix. It's the journey, it's the vow we make to ourselves, and there is a fabulous TEDx talk that this woman gives, and it's famous actually. It has like millions of views. It's so powerful.

Megan Gallagher: 49:54

It's this cute 40 year old lady. It was a few years ago, and the whole TEDx talk is you know her. There's a mirror on the stage and she's talking about how her whole life, you know, she's like when am I gonna meet my soulmate? You know, from the day you're born, you're like oh my God, this man I'm gonna marry, he's gonna be this and that and that and that, and, basically, you know, she reached a point where she was like 32 and she's like I still haven't found this person. And one day she looked in the mirror and she realized just how the biggest epiphany she was like this man you know that I have been dreaming about and praying for, and all the qualities she was like that's me, though, and she just looked in the mirror and was never the same, and so she made the vow to herself, which is like a marriage vow, through sickness, through health, till death, do us part like for myself I'll be there for you, I'll show up for you, I won't abandon you.

Megan Gallagher: 50:47

And I thought that was so powerful because I do think sometimes we can spend our lives or parts of our life seeking that like external person to fill us, complete us, validate us, secure us, whatever that word is. But we do have to realize in life we gotta go on our own journey that will be for our entire life, of, like the never ending exploration, understanding all of our layers and attachments in our love, languages and how we operate. And that's why, for me, like I'm single right now, I love being single because I never get to stop exploring and understanding who I am as a woman. And I do think getting older is the most beautiful thing ever because with it comes radical acceptance. I love I've never loved my body more and I just am so secure with myself as a female and I'm so secure with just everything that makes me me.

Megan Gallagher: 51:47

I just think it's such a powerful journey when you can become confident in who you are Like. Yes, I fully. You know I'll never say I fully love myself, because I think that is a lie, to be honest. But right now it's like I feel pretty damn good and I'm comfortable saying that and I just think it's. The seasons of life are beautiful, you know one day. Of course all partners will come and go and I'm sure I'll find a partner, but I'm so enjoying the exploration and just me and understanding myself.

Lunden Souza: 52:22

You're so magnificent, Megan. I'm so grateful for our time and conversation here today. We'll just kind of land the plane here and just know that Megan's gonna be back. I already told her before we started.

Lunden Souza: 52:33

I'm like you wanna come back like I'm like you wanna come back like every other month and be on the podcast, be on the radio show. Thank you guys for listening to Self Love and Sweat, the podcast and radio available everywhere you listen to podcasts as well as on the expansion channel on Dash Radio. Again, Megan, I appreciate your heart and soul. I can't wait to hug you in real life. And, oh and, Megan is meganwgallagher on Instagram, so give her a follow. I'll put it in the show notes and everything too, but give her a follow and check out all that she has put out there. I appreciate you, sister. Have a beautiful day.

Megan Gallagher: 53:08

Thanks Lunden, thanks everyone.

Lunden Souza: 53:11

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Self Love and Sweat The Podcast. Hey, do me a favor wherever you're listening to this podcast, give us a review. This really helps a lot and share this with a friend. I'm only one person and with your help, we can really spread the message of self love and sweat and change more lives all around the world. I'm Lunden Souza, reminding you that you deserve a life full of passion, presence and purpose, fueled by self love and sweat. This podcast is a hit spot. Austria production.