Self Love & Sweat The Podcast

5 Tips to Overcome Stress & Achieve Your Goals

August 30, 2024 Lunden Souza Season 1 Episode 186

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Feeling overwhelmed by life's challenges? Discover transformative strategies to manage stress and stay fiercely focused on your goals. We kick off this episode with five essential tips to navigate tough times, emphasizing the power of acknowledging, rather than avoiding, difficulties. Learn how to reframe hard situations as opportunities for growth, build integrity through consistent actions, and create pathways in your brain that support resilience and goal alignment.

Timestamps to help you navigate this episode:
0:00 Intro
3:57 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
6:38 Embracing Challenges, Reframing "Hard"
12:03 Anchoring Positive States and Overcoming Stress
20:11 Embracing All Parts of Ourselves
27:35 Optimizing Goal Achievement With Anchored States
32:40 Personal Coaching and Positive Anchoring

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Lunden Souza:

Welcome to Self Love and Sweat THE PODCAST, the place where you'll get inspired to live your life unapologetically, embrace your perfect imperfections, break down barriers and do what sets your soul on fire. I'm your host, Lunden Souza. Hey, have you grabbed your free Self Love and sweat monthly calendar yet? This calendar is so amazing. It comes right in your inbox every single month to help you have a little nugget of wisdom, a sweaty workout, a mindset activity, just a little something, something to help keep you focused and motivated and keep that momentum towards your goals. So every day, when you get this calendar, you'll see a link that you can click that will lead to a podcast episode or a workout or something that will be very powerful and quick to read. And then you'll also see, on the top left corner of every single day, there's a little checkbox in the calendar and what that is is that's for your one thing. You can choose one thing every month, or it can be the same, something that you want to implement and make this something that you can easily implement, like daily meditation or getting a certain amount of steps or water, for example, and staying hydrated and even taking your supplements. This can be something if you want to get more regular doing a particular habit and routine. You can choose what that checkbox means. So if you want your Self Love and and Sweat free monthly calendar delivered right to your inbox every month on the first of the month, go to lifelikelunden. com/calendar. Fill out the form really quickly and you will have your calendar in your inbox within a few short minutes. That's lifelikelunden L-I-F-E-L-I-K-E-L-U-N-D-E-N dot com forward slash calendar. Go, get yours for free and enjoy this episode. Good morning, happy today. I know it's not always morning when you're listening to this, but I decided to go live on Instagram this morning while I'm recording this podcast. So good morning wherever you're at. Happy today. Welcome back to the podcast

Lunden Souza:

Today we're going to talk about ways to reduce stress and move through what's hard. So today's episode is called five tips to stay focused on your goals and move through stress. And, yeah, just really be able to achieve and reach what you say you want to, and be able to tune in to what you say you want to do in a very realistic and expansive way. Right? Sometimes we set all these goals and we have all these things we want to achieve and then life's pulling us in all the directions like stretch Armstrong. We say we don't have time. There's all the things happening, and then we say our goals and then we're not even remembering them a couple of weeks later.

Lunden Souza:

So I want to talk about that today, and so when I talk about moving through stressful situations, overcoming stress and still achieving your goals, stress is really just that hard thing. Right? It's like sometimes life is hard, sometimes there are challenges. I don't think we need to negate what's hard or like eliminate what sucks. I think we just have to change our approach on how we move through it and not how we avoid it, go around it, jump over it, try to pretend like it's not there and it's all good. Right.

Lunden Souza:

We need to acknowledge that things can be hard and things can be stressful, and I work with clients all the time who are super high performers and do a lot of really successful things and still have stress and still have things to move through and still have things to overcome. And so I yeah, I sometimes hear, you know people saying like stop saying it's hard, or if you say it's hard, it's going to be hard. Yeah, yes, change your words, change your world, use your words to create a different perspective. A thousand percent, and I don't know how you guys feel, but sometimes, when I'm doing something hard and I'm pushing through a challenging situation, that's motivating for me, that's exciting for me, that's something that I want to pat myself on the back and that's evidence of my greatness, where I'm like oh fuck, yeah, I did that, let's go. So I think it depends on your frame of what hard means If you're somebody who tends to shy away from what's challenging or somebody who's really motivated to push through what's challenging.

Lunden Souza:

Either way, there's going to be challenges in life and I want these tools, these five tips today, to be helpful for you, and I want you guys to reach out to me on Instagram and let me know any aha moments that you have from this episode, because I think it's one thing to listen, it's one thing to process, it's one thing to maybe take notes or like resonate, have a couple amens if you're listening to this podcast while you're driving or whatever, but it's another thing to like, apply it and do it, and so I want you to, yeah, listen to this podcast again, maybe tap into this, really lean into some of these tips, because they will really come to life for you, not only in stressful situations, but just when life be lifin' and people be peopling. That's what me and my friend Kevin say. I think he says life be lifin' and I say people be peopling, and then we combined that together. So, anyways, amongst all of the life doing its life thing and people doing their people thing, what are we going to do to still stay focused on our goals? Come back, reduce that stress, turn down the noise and come back to what we said we were going to do? Right? Integrity we have to do what we say we're going to do when we set our goals, or else our brain is going to call bullshit on us and be like you don't do what you say you're going to do, you're just going to go and do this instead. Right, we have to train those brain pathways to build integrity. Right, integrous pathways within the brain, let's coin it now Integrous pathways within the brain. Right, brain loops that are like I do the hard thing and I move through and I do it anyway. I do what I say I'm going to do. I don't say I'm going to go do my workout or I'm going to go do this for my business and then get distracted and do something different. Right? There's a lot of reasons and root causes as to why we might be distracted and might be procrastinating and all the things. I love to get to those root causes when I'm working with clients one-on-one. But it's just important to understand that, like that loop's going to keep doing its loop thing, that music is going to keep playing that same soundtrack, that same story, until we choose to change it. So let's tap into these tips today, these five tips to overcome stress and achieve your goals.

Lunden Souza:

The first one is reframe the internal dialogue. So, at the simplest form, this is like I have to do this versus I get to do this right. But I talk about this in my communication course within NABA, about how we have to choose our reframes and how we choose to reframe what we say or reframe our words. So what we see and what we focus on is different. It still has to be believable. We can't just be like, oh, today sucks, this is what I feel, but then like everything is awesome, you know, go time right. If that doesn't resonate at a cellular level, if it doesn't, if you don't find congruence within your body of the words that you're choosing and the reframes that you're you're working on, like your brain's going to be like what else? You know it doesn't resonate. So that's why I think words are really powerful and and journaling and thinking about things that you might say and look at some areas of self-talk that you need to clean up and reframe that into a positive affirmation that you can get on board with.

Lunden Souza:

It might not be like I can't handle this shit. That might be the one thing that you're saying, but it might not be like okay, I got this. It's like I'm working on learning what I need to learn to move through this challenging situation. Right, how do those words feel within your nervous system when it comes to then doing the thing? Versus when you say, like I can't handle all of this. It's overwhelming, right, the emotional state that we put ourselves in with the words that we choose. Then we go forward with that. Right, we build upon those beliefs. Right, we go out into the world with that as our foundation, with that as our armor. So for me, if I'm going out into a hard day saying I can't handle this shit, it's too stressful, versus like, oh, this is stressful, right, honor the suck. But like what do I need to learn to move forward to make this not as hard, not as challenging, not as overwhelming. Who do I need to connect with? Who do I need to ask for help? Do I need to meditate? Do I need to learn how to do a new skill in order to make this more effective?

Lunden Souza:

So the first one is reframing your internal dialogue. Get really clear. Write down what you say about your day and what you say about your life, and what you say about whatever it is that you're going after in terms of your goals. What you say about whatever it is that you're going after in terms of your goals right. Oftentimes, our goals will fall into like four categories, right Our physical well-being and fitness, our relationships, our spirituality and our finances. Right. We'll have different goals in those categories, but if what we're saying about each of those categories is limiting and we're looping around in these dialogues that are just putting us in this space, we're not going to see what we want. So it's time to reframe your internal dialogue and this is something that I go deeply into into my communication course within our Nava community and also with my clients, one-on-one, because it's so easy to identify. Well, I should say that's the purpose is creating the container within our one-on-one coaching sessions with my clients to then have more opportunities to choose words to reframe, because we're talking and I'm listening and asking questions and then it's like your words create your world, honey. So if your words are limiting you and you're working with me or you're listening to this podcast or working together one-on-one, I am going to support you and call you in on that Not call you out, but call you in on how you can reframe your internal dialogue even better.

Lunden Souza:

Number two anchor in positive states. So this is a really fun technique with an NLP that I utilize with all of my clients. It's anchoring in a feeling and an emotion with a kinesthetic action, whether that's putting your hands together, hands on your heart, hands up, slapping your hands on your side, whatever, it's anchoring in an emotional state and doing something with your body that's going to help anchor that in. I love using that to create this mental shortcut to a resourceful state where we can be like okay, I might not be feeling epic and amazing right now, and I know a time of which I felt epic and amazing and productive and connecting and all the things that you want to feel Tap into a moment where that has happened before.

Lunden Souza:

And the way that I do this in a session, one-on-one is I bring my clients close their eyes into deep relaxation and then I have them do the visualization and also this feeling with, go into that emotional state and then we visualize it, we make the colors brighter, we turn the feeling up and then we anchor in a particular action with our body. So when our body knows that we do that, we also feel that type of way. So we can train our bodies in very cool ways to our brains and bodies in very cool ways to anchor in those positive states. So sometimes people want to feel very in control and balanced and successful and so we use really vivid imagery and vivid emotional states to create this physical anchor within the body. And it's kind of like a workout when we do these anchors.

Lunden Souza:

The more that you do them, it's like, yeah, the repeat of it helps anchor in those emotions even more, it helps you be able to access that even more. So anchoring in positive states is going to be so helpful. That's number two being able to transition when the environment doesn't transition. Right, that's really what the anchoring of positive states mean. It's like how can I switch the vibe? Vibe change, but nothing else is changing around me? Right, that's our job, right. If we have an issue, my co-trainer for Voice of Impact, aubrey, when she goes if you got an issue issue. So I feel like it's up to us to transform those states. Um, number three this is transforming a lot of those characteristics, like I mentioned, that we do when we do anchor in positive states, but this one's really helpful to reduce stress, especially over things.

Lunden Souza:

This is different than visualizing success. It's actually taking things that we might find challenging or that we're afraid of or we're moving into, and it's uncomfortable and oh my gosh. It's like we're going into this stressful image that we've created in our head and then we're going to do it right. It's like sometimes we find ourselves in this space of either being afraid of an image because we've seen it in ourselves before or it's happened before, right. Or we're afraid of something that hasn't even happened yet, right? We're afraid of something that's happened in our past and then we're creating it in our future. It hasn't happened yet and we're kind of nervous and afraid and it's an intense situation, right. So the sensory details of those experiences can be changed and it's really cool and I love doing this technique with my clients, one-on-one or even in groups. It's like, how can we take that?

Lunden Souza:

Because usually what's stressful for us, or that we're afraid of or that's intense, is usually this big, intense, blown out image in our mind of what's going to happen or what that means or how it's going to be, or whatever. And it's nice to be able to dim the image, shrink the image, change it to black and white, make it fuzzy. Being able to make the stress more manageable by allowing you to focus with greater clarity on details that are going to dim the light a little bit more, dim the intensity of the situation and so this is really powerful is to, like, get into our body and breathe and think about these stressful images and these big situations that are coming up, that we might be nervous, and how can we decrease the intense emotional reaction. Sometimes that then prevents us from taking action. Right, it's good to have an emotional response to something, but not if it keeps us stuck. And so if there's an image that you have in your mind now of something that's overwhelming, whether you're gonna have a tough conversation with somebody, whether you're going, just whatever that might be, sometimes taking that stressful image and changing what we call in NLP the submodalities of like, what does that look like? Can we make it smaller? Can we turn the volume down? Can we make the colors dimmer? And then, when we're anchoring in some more of those positive states, it's like we want to turn up the volume on the states that we want to have, right. It's like sometimes we're addicted to emotions we don't even like, because the lights are so turned on in those areas and we have to dim them down and we don't just do that by saying I want to dim it. Right, our nervous system and brain connection and everything we do in NLP is so powerful. That's why I love the coaching that I do, because it's just like let's go, what's specifically happening in your brain and what response is your body happening? What response in your body is happening and how can we rewire a little bit by changing some of those stressful images and a lot of the way that we might be perceiving them within our mind and within our nervous system. So another technique I love to do for greater clarity and just transforming those stressful images.

Lunden Souza:

Number four is embracing all parts of yourself. Right, like it's sometimes hard and challenging and there's a lot going on and we're wearing a lot of hats and things can be stressful and calendars can be full and life can be demanding and we could want to do, you know, things to love on ourselves, and then other people want other things of us, and then we might not do things on our to-do list and then our goals might not be always perfect every single time. And then it's up to us to make sure that we understand that grace and persistence and resilience and love and kindness and the struggle all of it are parts of ourselves. So we need to give ourselves grace and we need to land and we just need to be like I'm just a person. I don't have all the skills and know all the things, but I have big ass goals and dreams and I'm not going to stand still, I'm not going to stay stuck. So that's when people are like give it a rest, give yourself a break, embrace all parts of yourself. Sometimes we are afraid, sometimes we are angry, sometimes we are frustrated, sometimes we are confused, sometimes we don't get things done on time. Sometimes we say we're going to do this and we don't right, the integrous pathways are just not pathway in. It's like sometimes we're just so human and we just have to make sure that we lean into that a little bit.

Lunden Souza:

There's been times where I've recently been thinking about aloneness versus loneliness and we're not going to go too in detail there on this episode. It could be a different episode that we talk about, but that was really a little bit challenging. But then there was also so many beautiful parts of me, like loving being in Utah, loving exploring the mountains it was like the pros were so overwhelming. But then there were also some other feelings of loneliness and aloneness that were also parts of me that came up when I was trying to strive for my goals. That sometimes were a little bit stressful and overwhelming, and I posted this within our Nava community the other day on our newsfeed. I was like sometimes you just need horizontal days and lizard moments, like days where you're just laying on the couch, laying in bed, laying in the grass, laying on the beach, whatever, and then getting sunshine, because I feel like sunshine and those lizard moments of just being in the sun and being still and getting that vitamin D is so, so, so powerful. So journaling is so great to just talk about your feelings and get super honest.

Lunden Souza:

I remember when I lived in Austria I was dating this guy named Joe and when we broke up, I started a Google Doc that I journaled in and in the journaling I wrote I've cried every single day since we broke up. I wrote that in the journal and it had been like three weeks since we broke up and I don't remember doing that, like I don't remember that feeling of despair and heartbreak even though I don't negate that it was there, it for sure was. But I don't remember that feeling of despair and heartbreak even though I don't negate that it was there, it for sure was. But I don't remember crying every day for three weeks. But I'm happy that I documented it because then I can look back and be like, oh, I cried every single day for three weeks and the world kept turning and I kept moving forward and it was hard but I got through it. And wow, I don't even remember what that feels like, but crying every day for three weeks I'm a crier, but that's a lot of crying and that probably felt very emotionally overwhelming. And also at the time I was working for Rentastic. Joe also worked at Rentastic, so we were navigating a breakup while also working together, which was very challenging.

Lunden Souza:

So sometimes there's some shit that we got to embrace within ourselves so that we can just, yeah, reduce that internal conflict and not need to be so tug of war with all parts of ourselves In our Naba community. I keep talking about it because it's so amazing. This is where I learn and grow. I have my course in there, I take courses in there. If you're interested in joining our community, let me know no-transcript, kind of quickly looking at my notes that I wrote down for some of these things. But yeah, I said like journaling, getting that stuff out, embracing these parts of yourselves, remembering them, having that as a way to yeah, oh, this is what I was going to say. Now I remember Reducing the internal conflict.

Lunden Souza:

Sometimes it feels like tug of war and in our Naba community we did a whole course together on healing your money wounds. It was one of the courses, alongside mine, there's other ones, and so we did this together and I was leading a group discussion and we did head, heart, gut, which is something that we do in NLP to like check in with different parts of our, our system, our head, our heart and our gut to see if they have input on a situation that might be challenging. And one of the things that I felt was like there was so much tension sometimes between these parts of us and sometimes we have to make a jump rope. So in my, in my head, heart, gut meditation, what came to me was like stop playing tug of war, Lunden. It's a jump rope, right. So sometimes those parts of ourselves we think like I shouldn't be angry, I shouldn't da, da, da da. But it's like sometimes happiness and sadness need to do a jump rope moment together. It's like bittersweet, right. It's like sometimes challenge and resilience have to do a little jump rope moment together. It's like we need to embrace all parts of ourselves and not be beating ourselves up and playing whack-a-mole on our own head while we're trying to get some air and swim up shore or whatever, and then we're drowning our own selves, right. It's like we're in this constant comparison of where we think we should be and where we're at and we need to really embrace all parts of ourselves.

Lunden Souza:

And then the last one is the forward visualization. So this is awesome. This is like visualizing achieving your goals, right, that feeling of success and completion. But also even in specific stressful situations or even a full day, right, we can go 15 minutes beyond the successful completion of the event. So like in the morning when you're doing your morning routine so powerful, right, I always talk about the three Ms mindset, movement and me time. And a lot of that mindset can be visualization. This is mentally rehearsing a very successful day, going through all the things and then landing within that visualization 15 minutes ahead of the successful completion of the event and marinating in that right.

Lunden Souza:

Getting in the feeling ahead of the experience, right. We talk about this a lot on the podcast. You guys know I'm very much into the work of Dr Joe Dispenza because you know and I'm well for many reasons because it's helped me so much. But we can't wait for our environment outside of us to change. We have to create this internal state that says, hey, I'm going to have the feeling ahead of the experience. I don't need anybody to tell me something or be a certain type of way, or my environment to change, or have the raise, or get the house or buy the car, have the boyfriend or do all the things that are on the list in order to feel as if I have received. And when we can have that feeling, then we draw that stuff to us without needing to do all of it, and I've seen this real life magic happen time and time again in my life and in the lives of my clients, where it's like slow down and get clear about what you want to feel, not what you don't want to feel. Visualize the successful completion of the event 15 minutes afterwards. So the feeling of just oh, I did it, we crushed it, you know what happened, what did I do? Well, right, it's like why can we only have memories of the past? Why can't we have memories of a successful future and then go and then have them right? There's this disconnect with how we perceive, you know, what we can actually impact within our lives. And so those are our five tips today. I'm going to recap them just super quickly Five tips to overcome stress and achieve your goals right.

Lunden Souza:

Number one is reframing your internal dialogue getting a hold of the records and the soundtracks that you're allowing to play with words in your mind and unlooping them and reframing them right. There's a lot going on there, which is why coaching is so helpful, but reframing your internal dialogue, anchoring in those positive states, being able to have a physical action coupled with an emotional feeling and drive those two together in a neuropathway that's just going to help you so much tap into resourceful states, even when your environment's not changing. Number three transforming those stressful images. That's changing those submodalities that we say in NLP. A lot of really great work to be done there. Embrace all parts of yourself, right, playing that jump rope instead of tug of war, sometimes, with these feelings and the shoulds and supposed tos. Right, being able to, yeah, feel more balanced and focused.

Lunden Souza:

And then, number five, visualize that success. Visualize 15 minutes after the successful completion of the event. Get yourself there ahead of the time. So then, yeah, your brain and body can just catch up when it's time. And then, yeah, most importantly, these are tools. That are some of them you can really, you know, just go gung-ho on now, and some of them, you know, coaching is really helpful. So that's why I love doing online coaching and one-on-one stuff and, you know, then from there I might do a part two episode. Let me know if you want me to do this. But on like, specifically, how to organize and put things you know in a visual space, or how to store your goals and how you're achieving them Right, so I think, each day to day, if we can go in, um, you know, really being able to move through the hard by not just like these techniques that I love so much that I just talked about and these ways that we can reframe.

Lunden Souza:

It's not about you know, um, it's about yeah, it's about really reframing and changing how your brain and body feel about moving through the suck right. So it's not just me saying, hey, everything's awesome, get a planner, write it down, do the thing, let's go right. There's sometimes pathways within our brain that either are afraid of success, are looping in ways that have limiting beliefs we all have them and it's really hard for us to see the water when we're the fish, and so that's why coaching and having that external perspective is so powerful and helpful, because you can like move through the weeds quicker instead of marinating in your own. You know stuff and we all do it, but it's just nice to be able to you know, and a lot of the clients, like I said, that I coach, they're super successful leaders, entrepreneurs, and a lot of the clients, like I said, that I coach, they're super successful leaders, entrepreneurs, just really big movers and shakers in their lives, in their communities, in their families, and it's just like we need to have that room to not have it feel like quicksand and more like being able to move through some of these challenges that our brain can just be so limited by, and so a lot of these tools and techniques I love using with my clients or in workshops or in voice of impact that we're doing very soon, if you want to come to Salt Lake City and hang out with me in August and work on communication and transforming some of these stressful states, we'll do an anchor in our positive state. Of course, we're always going to be transforming dialogue because it's on communication, but it's just so nice when we can start to understand how we need to utilize not just what we do with our eyes open and what we think we can do and how much time we have and our to-do lists. But it's like that mental ping pong can limit us and we'll find ourselves stuck time and time again in some of those same loops if we don't understand how to unloop them and loop into new ways. So thank you so much for listening to this episode and for being here with me on Instagram. I appreciate you guys so much.

Lunden Souza:

If you want part two on this about how to actually organize and document goals in a helpful way or in different ways that might be helpful for you, whether you're visual or more auditory, or, like you know, I have all of my goals. I'll show you here on Instagram, um, written on sticky notes and everything there. So that's how I like to do mine, um, and so, yeah, I like to have a visual thing. I'm, like you know, saying my goals out loud. I'm going through some of these areas where I'm like, okay, when I'm going to reach these goals, right, I look at I have to keep going here because this is important. I look at the goals because they're there, right, and it's in front of me and I'm captivating myself with my own goals and I'm seeing them right.

Lunden Souza:

And I'm seeing now, when I look at my goals right now for this month, there's some where I totally crushed it and got like three more beyond my goals, some where I'm not even there yet and we have a couple days within this month. So then when I look at that and I look at what we talked about today, right, I'm not just going up there as a blank robot looking at my goals and like, oh, check it off. No, there's like feelings and emotions coming up of like, oh, did I do good enough in this area? Oh, I totally crushed it here. But then there's also part of me that's maybe saying things like, yeah, but you didn't there, so don't celebrate too much. And then there's other parts that might say, no, but I need to celebrate. Like, all that dialogue, that's like chatter, that's going on. We really have to be able to rein it in when it comes to achieving our goals.

Lunden Souza:

And so when I look at all of what we talked about today, right, when I even walk up to my goals, there's opportunities to reframe my internal dialogue. There's opportunities to utilize that anchored in positive state that I do by mine is grab, taking my right hand and pinching my left ring finger. That's just like something I do. I just like kind of always, kind of wiggle that finger. So I changed that to be that this anchors in a state of three words that I want to feel, which is positive, present and barrier breaker. So I created this anchored state that when I do that, I get that within my feeling. I can do that while I'm looking at my goals.

Lunden Souza:

Right, real life tips, any stressful images, any parts of myself that might say, hey, you know you're lazy or you didn't do that or whatever, right, anything that's just going to start popping up doesn't mean that I need to believe it. It's just like I need to check it right. I need to not let those thoughts run me and not be overwhelming and I need to focus on my why and my mission and like go beyond. But when we say go beyond or move through, sometimes people are like I don't know fucking how to do that shit. I don't even know what I'm feeling, I don't even understand what's happening within my nervous system and I can't do it and I can't focus and I'm all over the place, right. So being able to utilize some of these tools and techniques are so helpful, because things do come up. Things do come up in our lives. Yeah, I'm just going to.

Lunden Souza:

I know that you guys will give me feedback on this episode. Thanks for joining me live on Instagram. Thanks for listening today. If you have any aha moments that you want to share, just shoot me a DM on Instagram. I'm at lifelikelunden L-U-N-D-E-N and I just love hearing anything that might come up for you.

Lunden Souza:

If you want to do some one-on-one sessions or coaching, let me know as well. I'd love to help you anchor in a positive state and do some NLP to help with some of these reframes of challenging situations. You can find more information about that on my website, lifelikelunden. com. Forward slash shop and you guys have a great day, love, love. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Self Love and Sweat the THE PODCAST. Hey, do me a favor Wherever you're listening to this podcast, give us a review. This really helps a lot and share this with a friend. I'm only one person and with your help, we can really spread the message of Self Love and Sweat and change more lives all around the world. I'm Lunden Souza, reminding you that you deserve a life full of passion, presence and purpose, fueled by Self Love sweat. This podcast is a Hitspot. Austria production.

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