Self Love to Attract Love (Happy Valentine's Day) with Veronica Kelly

What if the secret to attracting your true love is by starting with yourself. What if all the things you wanted from a partner easily and effortless flowed to you? In this episode we dive into the power of self love so that we can become the person that we think we are seeking. We also do a FULL EFT tapping session at the end for about 15 minutes. Stay for the entire episode for a beautiful Valentine's Day treat for you!

>> Join Veronica's FREE Finally Breaking Free Event starting March 8th. Register for your free spot here: https://finallybreakingfree.com

>> Hang out where Veronica & Lunden hang out. Become apart of the NABA community: https://naba.com/lunden

>> Watch to our previous episode with Veronica Kelly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIi2FP6CS-w

Who is Veronica Kelly?

Veronica Kelly is a transformative guide, helping individuals discover self-empowerment through yoga, self-love, compassion, and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). With nearly a decade of experience as a licensed practitioner, she has witnessed the profound impact of these healing modalities. As an ambassador for love and compassion, she believes in the limitless possibilities that emerge when people connect with themselves, receive support, and cultivate self-trust.

Connect with Veronica:

IG: @veronicaajakelly

Timestamps to help you navigate this episode

0:00 Intro
0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
2:40 Self-Love: The Foundation for True Love
12:42 How Childhood Shapes Our Beliefs About Love
23:15 Self-Love Through Boundaries and Wellness
31:59 Setting Boundaries and Language for Love
45:21 15 MINUTES OF EFT TAPPING

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
• 2:40 Self-Love: The Foundation for True Love
• 12:42 How Childhood Shapes Our Beliefs About Love
• 23:15 Self-Love Through Boundaries and Wellness
• 31:59 Setting Boundaries and Language for Love
• 45:21 Stepping into Self-Love: An EFT Session Begins

Transcript

Lunden Souza: 0:00

Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the place where you'll get inspired to live your life unapologetically, embrace your perfect imperfections and do what sets your soul on fire. I'm your host, Lunden Souza. Hey, before we jump into this episode, I just want to make sure that you get all the free things possible, if you haven't already. You need to get your self-love and sweat free monthly life coaching calendar. Honestly, the way to experience deep change in your life is by doing small little things over time, and so that's what you'll find in this free calendar. You can get it by going to lifelikelunden calendar. Get yours for free and let's get into today's episode. Happy today, welcome back to .

Lunden Souza: 1:04

Happy Valentine's Day actually the time that we're posting this episode. It is Valentine's Day, the season of love, and oftentimes we think about loving our romantic partner or having a Valentine's Day date or all those things. But today we're going to talk about self-love to attract love, and we have Veronica Kelly back on the show. So excited to have you back, babe. Thanks for being here. Oh, my gosh, thanks for being my Valentine. I know I do. I will, yes, be mine, but yeah, I'm excited about this topic.

Lunden Souza: 1:40

Veronica and I were chatting just personally, like we always do. We love to stay in touch and just connect and vibe and all the things we were chatting. And then it was like, oh, let's do a Valentine's Day episode, let's talk about what it really means to find that deep connection and love that we sometimes feel like we're searching for all over the place outside of us, when really we know it and want to talk about how it starts within. And so I'm going to let Veronica she's been on the show before we did an amazing episode all on healing and EFT and everything, so I'm going to link that in the description. You guys definitely want to go check out that episode, but I'm just going to let Veronica reintroduce herself a little bit and talk about you know why? Why do we have to go to ourself first if we want to find someone?

Veronica Kelly: 2:30

right. Yeah, I love that. Thank you so much for having me, babe, and I'm so happy to connect with all of the listeners, all the viewers. Thank you for tuning in.

Veronica Kelly: 2:40

Lunden podcast is one of my favorites, so if you're here, then you probably have the same affinity I have for her beautiful heart and all that she offers to us and the tools and the tips that you bring Lunden. It's just such an honor to know you and be here with you. I just love you, babe, same. So uh, self-love to attract love right? It's crazy, because I went at things the wrong way and, just like so many of us, I was taught that we're complete when we're with somebody else and that that love that we seek is going to come to us via someone else, when in reality, we're never going to be loved more deeply than we love ourselves.

Veronica Kelly: 3:23

And one of my favorite quotes because I am a self-love and freedom coach this is what I do, this is my life's work, and I know that our relationship to ourself reflects itself into our relationship with everything. And just knocking all these fun quotes off the top, but one of my favorite quotes that I teach with my clients is you teach others how to love you through the way that you choose to love yourself, and so really honoring and giving yourself what it is that you desire from others creates a safety in your nervous system to experience the world in that way, and so for me. I used self-love to transform every single area of my life and it is so, so, so important, because if we're not satisfied being by ourself and happy being in a space where we are our own company, it's very challenging to invite somebody else in, to be in our company or to have the confidence that they want to be around us if we don't want to be around ourselves.

Lunden Souza: 4:34

Yeah, I love what you said. If we are not enjoying our company, then someone else is not going to.

Veronica Kelly: 4:42

Yeah, and we don't feel confident to invite someone in to enjoy our company if we don't want to be in our own company or we don't feel safe in our own company, and it's a really beautiful experience to just slow that down and be present with that and excavate all of the needs that are important to us and give them to ourselves. So, yeah, self-love and compassion. Coach, I absolutely love what I do. It lights me up inside to see people transform and to witness once that change happens. Frequency first, and then it to go into the 3D world and witness miracles and opportunities and people show up in a way that is unexpected and exciting. It's just such an honor to get to walk people through this journey and bring them back to themselves.

Lunden Souza: 5:32

Yeah, yeah, that self-love journey and I know we talked so extensively about that and what that specifically looked like for you in your life on that previous episode. So I definitely want to encourage the listeners to check that out. It's so gold. But one of the things I think about when it comes to self-love and then, like you said, it starts with ourselves first and going within and loving ourselves as deeply as another person can and all those things.

Lunden Souza: 6:02

But I think of Disney movies where it's just like you have to be pretty and passive and give up your voice on the little mermaid for love and all this stuff is like, oh, especially for women, right, you got to look a certain way and be this so that the ultimate goal is to attract your Prince Charming and he's just going to show up and all these different stories that we think are fun and we play those movies for our kids. But I think we don't really realize how much that programming does not serve us at all, actually, and it's not about waiting for somebody else to come in and love us enough so that we can validate ourselves. It's not that coming into us, it's the in coming out, right, right, I believe that everybody has a choice and we get to through.

Veronica Kelly: 6:59

The self-discovery is where we get to discover what feels good to us and what feels safe to us, and I believe that there's nothing wrong with that fantasy of not wanting to work and wanting to have a powerful husband and be able to stay at home with the kids and just mom and let that be your life's work. I think that that's a fantastic goal that lights you up inside, and coming from a place of this is my needs. This is what I desire. I want nothing more than to have a big, beautiful house with kids, and that's my focus and that is a beautiful goal to have.

Veronica Kelly: 7:36

Other people are very drastically different and choose to have a career and choose to have impact and not to say you can't have one without the other. But it's through the self-discovery and really getting honest with what we want and having the confidence to go out and do that. One of my best friends she's a stay-at-home mom with three children and her husband, Michael, is amazing and ever since we were little, she's like I just want babies and a husband and I just want a house and a family that lights me up inside, and she's created that for herself and he is amazing and they have such a storybook love and she gets to choose that because that's what she wants. And there's other people that I never played with, like baby dolls. I had like a microphone and workout gear.

Lunden Souza: 8:22

I was like getting shape girl and singing Karaoke, music or karaoke machine I got my cordless mic and I just thought I was same, nothing more.

Veronica Kelly: 8:32

To me was like just to play and to contribute and to have fun and work out and sing, and that was to me. You give me a baby doll and I was like, nah, I'm good. I knew from a very young age that that wasn't a passion for mine. Now I love my God, kids, I love my family and I've always actually given back and worked with children. I've done youth. I used to lead youth groups in college. I used to work at a nonprofit in LA, teaching, acting to kids and improv to kids which sounds like impossible task, but it's awesome. Kids are so good at improv and I've always given back and worked with kids. So I love contributing to children.

Veronica Kelly: 9:10

But personally I have a. I like freedom. I want to just be with my partner and just enjoy the world and then, if a, if family, comes, then that's okay. But that's not something that we were taught when we were little, especially those of us that are 30 and above. We had a different upbringing where it was very dependent on find the husband, do the thing, be submissive.

Veronica Kelly: 9:32

And what a blessing it is that we are in a society right now, in 2025, where we can 100% make that choice for us to go against what our ancestors have done and our mothers and grandmothers and great grandmothers and so on and forth. They didn't have that choice for us to go against what our ancestors have done and our mothers and grandmothers and great grandmothers and so on and forth. They didn't have that choice. And the fact that we have that right now to make the choice what do I want, what feels good to me, what do I want my life to look like and how can I align with the love that flows, with what I desire and that's amazing, especially as women, to have that choice.

Lunden Souza: 10:07

And what an honor. That is right, yeah, yeah, great time to be alive as women, like you said, to have that choice. I think Lindsay posted something one time on Instagram, one of our mutual friends she's been on the podcast too of like your ancestors, before you did not have that choice. They needed to make you know X, y or Z choices for survival and all these things. And now we are the first in our family line that can decide to you know, bob and weave a little bit and do something different.

Lunden Souza: 10:37

I remember when I was living in Austria and I was dating this guy named Joe and he was the first guy I dated when I first moved to Austria and I remember when we broke up, my parents loved him he's a great guy, right but we were just not for each other. And my mom was like, so worried and she's like but Lunden, you're never going to find someone that loves you as much as Joe. And I was like okay, well, I love me and I don't care. And I was very whippy in my response, whatever, but I just remember that. And so when you say that programming for people that are 30 or older, it's like, yeah, no fault to my mom, Love her. She's amazing, but I just remember she like said that, and you know, I do know, you know, with self-love and to attract love, you know, um, we don't just say I love me and then we, I love me and we're good, right, it's like there's this bridge that we get to build in self-love, right, and you and I work with a lot of people.

Lunden Souza: 11:38

We know that at the root there's a lot of unworthiness and not good enough and a lot of that stuff that you know prevents us from really stepping into what self-love is, and I know it's so much more than just looking in the mirror. I mean, that's great affirmations, you know, you know, for yourself, but like for somebody who's listening today that like, yeah, hasn't really embarked a ton on this self-love journey, or they want to. Where do we start and what does that do in terms of that magnetic effect to draw more of our truest self and also our partner? That aligns with that.

Veronica Kelly: 12:14

Absolutely. And again, just going back to that conversation, that quote that I teach and live by is that you teach others to love you through the way that you love yourself. And just to give a little snippet of my journey with love romantic love as well as self-love and how it tends to work with our subconscious. And when we are really young, from the ages of zero to six, our brains are in theta brainwave state and that's how we pick up the cues on what is safe and how to operate in the world so that we stay alive. We stay in the tribe, we're cared for and we have the best experience that our little brains can create for us. And so during those early years is where we form our opinions about ourself and how to operate in the world. And so when we have trauma or and I'm not necessarily going to say negative, because the subconscious mind doesn't understand positive or negative, it just understands repetition and strong emotion, yep. So when we get cues from our family that you deserve love, it's safe to love. You are worthy, everybody loves you and no matter what you do, even if you make a big mistake, I still love you and you get those cues and that's what you reinforce and that's what you go in the world and create. However, if any type of opposite of that comes into your, your life as a young one, without intending to it, creates your opinion about yourself.

Veronica Kelly: 13:42

So for me, my parents were very young and they were not fit to raise a toddler and there was a lot of abandonment and neglect. And my grandparents stepped in thankfully and adopted me, but you could not explain to three four-year-old Veronica why mom and dad don't want her anymore. And even though I had a loving home with my grandparents and even though I had a loving home with my grandparents, I still had this very broken heart that I missed my mom. I missed my parents so much and I truly took it on that it was my fault.

Veronica Kelly: 14:15

Now, the thing about the subconscious mind is you don't? This is not a conscious pattern, and for me, I was dating the same person on repeat, selfish, addicted, unavailable and it wasn't until I was literally in my early thirties that I actually was like, okay, and I was this whole story is on our last podcast but I finally got to a place where I was like, wait a minute, I've never had a serious relationship. I'm on my thirties, like I'm. I think I'm fine looking. I'm pretty nice to be relationship. I'm in my thirties, like I'm I think I'm fine looking.

Veronica Kelly: 14:52

I'm pretty nice to be around, I'm funny Girl. Yes, there's no, why am I not able to have any type of person commit to me? And so I stopped and was like all right, so I'm going to take some responsibility for this. And I started to do the work and I learned through therapy that I have a program in my mind that says I'm unlovable, that I'm unworthy, that if my parents don't love me, who else is going to? And so, in order to protect my heart from being broken again, when my parents left, my subconscious put a wall around me and said if nobody gets close enough to love her, then she'll never have her heart broken again. And so I had to do a lot of work around just feeling safe to have my heart broken again and not saying I'm inviting heartbreak in. But I needed to know and create this container that I've got my own back, that I am worthy.

Veronica Kelly: 15:37

It was through EFT and I really just dismantled that A lot of forgiveness, a lot of adult maturity in how I looked at my childhood, reframing it, seeing it, for my parents were very young and they did their best. It's not my fault. Everybody tried the best that they could and it just was what it was. And so having that forgiveness and taking it from being there's something wrong with me, I'm not safe and changing it into no, there's nothing wrong with me. I am safe because I'm an adult and I choose safety for myself and I choose to only bring people in that will treat me with respect.

Veronica Kelly: 16:21

And when I made that shift and it was with EFT, I did a lot of work clearing those old programs and bringing in the new that my subconscious mind caught on board and was like, yeah, let's try this on, let's try this on. What does it feel like to be safe and opening up and letting somebody love me? And that is when within I swear it was like six months of me really getting into EFT that I had my first committed relationship. He was my starter relationship. God bless Pablo.

Lunden Souza: 16:52

And then we talked about Pablo. On the last one, pablo, we love you.

Veronica Kelly: 16:58

And then I stepped into my soul-changing my, the man I was going to marry, and again he's not the one for me. But I will never take, take back those life lessons and that experience I had from our five years together. And so I share that, because the tools of reprogramming your mind and your safety threshold are accessible to every single person when you commit to it. But you need to commit to it and that takes, you know, hiring a coach to help hold your hand, the accountability, having somebody hold a mirror up that looks different than what you see, and like you're an expert in changing that language, changing the pattern in which you speak about this possibility and letting it be really, really fun. So it is something you can absolutely change, but you have to commit that. You are the cause of the relationships you're being handed. So change your relationship with yourself and your relationships will change every time.

Lunden Souza: 18:00

That reminds me of what Aubrey says. Aubrey, she's on her way here right now, by the way, she's going to be here like at five o'clock. She's driving from, I think, arizona to or maybe California to be here. But she says if you got an issue, issue. And it makes me laugh. And yeah, like you said, have fun with it, play with it. Right, don't hit yourself over the head with a hammer. It's just like it's kind of funny.

Lunden Souza: 18:23

You got to issue issue and going back to that drawing board of like, okay, what is my role in this? That I'm attracting, like you said, seeing those patterns, right, it's hard to see the water when you're the fish. That's why coaching and all of what we do is so powerful, not because you and I have gotten all the things together, it's because we're good at supporting and holding that space. Like you said, for that mirror that shows a different reflection than you might be used to seeing. Because as soon as you're able to make that shift, then you can have that moment where you said, okay, let me try it on, let me change that story. It feels kind of like what you said with improv and the kids and that method acting. It's like at first. It's not the programming of who you are yet, but if you want to, then you know, become the person that you know loves and attracts through self-love. We got to try it on.

Veronica Kelly: 19:16

And it might and get safe with it and starting to get safe. And that's what that's why the play is so fun when we are changing our mindset. Because we're computers you can put a program in and you can take a program out, and it just takes that commitment and willingness and that desire to change the program. And when you have that commitment and willingness, the more you can just get fun about it and, of course, feel the feelings. That is so important. In order to heal, we have to feel, and that's a big part of it. But through feeling the feelings, whatever it is that has caused you to have this heart wall or protection or whatever's keeping you away from experiencing the love with the other, there is a wound there and you get to feel that. And every time we feel a wound that we were once afraid of, it builds faith in ourself that I got this. I can feel the feelings and it's interesting. I just actually I have an article out right now Simple plug for our friend's magazine magazine best holistic best holistic life magazine. Yeah, that's it Best holistic life magazine. Um, I just published an article that is about self-love and one of the biggest lessons that I learned through my relationship that did fall apart. It did once. The last year, we really grew apart and it was very apparent that building a life together was not going to be the best choice for us. And unfortunately, I was with somebody that was very hard, had a very hard time communicating, and so he really gaslit me on a lot of stuff and told me what I wanted to hear. When my intuition knew that it wasn't right. I could feel it wasn't right anymore and we were stuck in pandemic together in like a small apartment. I couldn't work my yoga jobs and all the jobs I was doing I couldn't do. In Los Angeles it was, everything was shut down, and so we really were just kind of stuck together and he lied a lot to my face and I don't doubt that he loves me, loved me very, very deeply, but I knew that wasn't going in the right direction and he failed to have the hard conversations and so when we did split, it was very much a jar to me, even though I knew subconsciously and in my intuition it wasn't right. He literally told me to my face over and over again up until a week before we split, that no, you're crazy, I do love you. I think we have a future. We're going to work this out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Veronica Kelly: 21:54

So when we did split, it was a jar to my nervous system, and what I'm realizing and this is a lot that's in the article I invite everybody to go read is that the biggest thing that my heart wall and my self-defense mechanisms were keeping me away from was experiencing heartbreak again, and I had fucking heartbreak.

Veronica Kelly: 22:16

It broke me down. I was on my knees many, many, many, many, many days and nights after we split, and what I've learned now on the other side of that is I can handle it if my heart gets slammed and most of my life, my defense mechanisms kept me from knowing that truth because it wouldn't let me experience it. So I had the love. I experienced the glory of what it is to be in a committed, wholehearted, unconditional love, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. And I learned that, even if I do get taken to my knees, I got this, yeah, and that's a whole other level of being an adult, being a woman, being a person who loves. That's a rite of passage, and I don't take it lightly that. I know I have the skills to move through that, which is huge, yeah, so huge.

Lunden Souza: 23:15

It reminds me of, yeah, I dated this guy named Jade and he had two, or actually has a lot of nieces and nephews, but one of them in particular. I remember we were either talking about it and, yeah, like his nephew asked him. You know, hey, jade, if there was one thing that you wish would happen to me that's going to just help me moving forward in life, right, like, what would you wish for me? And Jade's response was that you get your heart broken, like I want you to get your heart. I want you to go through that first heartbreak.

Lunden Souza: 23:46

You know, not that it's great, but how necessary it is, right, like you said, it brings you to your knees and you got to got you and that's like the self-love, right, it's like I got me. I don't need anybody else to get me. You know, in order to have and attract the love and all of that, you have to have both. You get to have the moment on your knees and agony and the love that you get to attract and bring in. But that's what it reminded me of and I thought that was interesting. It wasn't like, oh, I wish you. I don't know, you sometimes wish the pain away from your nieces or nephews or littles that you love and that they don't have to go through the roadblocks and stuck points. But then, when he said that, I was like, oh yeah, you're right, actually we shouldn't avoid that. Heartbreak probably is one of the biggest teachers, and I can think about that in my life too. Crazy For sure.

Veronica Kelly: 24:37

One of my favorite quotes that really helped me when I did go through this breakup was by Gwendolyn Doyle from the book Untamed. And it's so simple this is hard, but we can do hard things. And I said that to myself on repeat. I would just be like on a hike, like crying. I'm like this is hard, but we can do hard things. And I don't mean the hike, I mean the tears that were falling from my face.

Lunden Souza: 25:06

Yeah, and that's a really good one. Emotional hard for sure.

Veronica Kelly: 25:10

For sure. And once we have that experience, then the fear doesn't have as much hold of us anymore, the fear of being X, y and Z. When we know that we can break through it, it loses its grip. And when we can move into relationships from a place of excitement and possibility as opposed to necessity and fear, that's when magic can appear and you can build something really really special. So good.

Lunden Souza: 25:41

I know that.

Veronica Kelly: 25:42

Oh yeah, go ahead, go ahead. Oh, this is the thing. And as we're just kind of speaking about ways to create this for yourself, one of my favorite exercises I love is to get your journal write down five of your needs. So what are your needs in a relationship? So, honesty, adoration, x, y or Z? Fill in the blank, whatever your five needs that you desire from a partner.

Lunden Souza: 26:16

Yeah, desire to have them to have the tough conversations.

Veronica Kelly: 26:20

integrity yes, and for me it's a spiritual connection. I found that was a hard thing with my last relationship and I'm so spiritual it is like the foundation of everything I do and he wasn't, and I didn't realize how important that is to have a partner that walks that path with me until I was with a partner who wouldn't walk the path with me. So find what those needs are and then commit to giving them to yourself and really allowing okay, I am going to give myself compliments. So if you want to be adored, like for me, I love words of affirmations that's a big one of my love languages so give them to yourself, like I.

Veronica Kelly: 27:05

This is so random, I don't know why. I just thought about this when I was in my 20s. I had this habit when I would go out and I don't know where it came from, but it was I would look at myself in the mirror when I was all dressed up and I'd be like good enough and walk out. That was like my. I don't know where that came from. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was just telling me stop messing with stuff and get out, you're fine. But once I really got a hold of my creative languaging and how I was talking to myself. I was like whoa, whoa, whoa, good enough.

Veronica Kelly: 27:32

Is that the energy you want to take out into the world when you're looking for a partner? No, you look great, kid, like changing that conversation. And so if one of your needs is, you know, security, then how can you create that for yourself? Maybe you're going to put 15% of your income in savings instead of 10%. How can you create your security in yourself and the more that we can feel confident giving ourselves our needs, then that creates an actual energetic bubble that creates the only way that someone is going to be able to be attracted into your field is if they resonate with what those needs are and are willing to be in harmony with those needs. Because you've already set it up, this is how I treat myself, so that's how everybody else that comes into my space I expect for them to treat me.

Lunden Souza: 28:26

Yes, so good, that list, making the list of your needs and then giving them to yourself. First, people are used to making the list of what they want their partner to be, what color hair, all this whole list and, yeah, I like the idea of taking it out of, like the physical characteristics, going into that what's you know really on the inside, and then you have to, like you said, vibrate there. You have to be there at that address for somebody to meet you at that address. It makes me think of security. For me, that was an unconscious pattern, right, always looking for a guy to take care of me. Every guy that I've dated just, yeah, move in with them, they take care of me. I still run my businesses, don't have to have a care in the world, whatever. That was kind of my repeat.

Lunden Souza: 29:14

But then over the last year and a half being here in Utah, just reestablishing myself, crushing it and all, I just feel so good and that's been the safety and security that I needed to create for myself. And I will say that, while it's been beautiful and incredible, it has not been easy, right, when you find that safety and it's like that's opportunity for a lot of stuff to come up. Like you said, those, those stories of I'm not worthy to be loved because of what happened when I was younger. Right, it's really hard to unpack and rewrite those stories when we're in fight or flight and so when we're able to land and feel safe and good and secure, um, it's a really great. Um, yeah, opportunity for other things to work through, to come up so that you can Attract even more of that.

Lunden Souza: 30:02

Um, I love the idea of writing the list. I know we're going to do some eft too, but what would be some other like self-love practices for those listening? You know, I know exercise for me is now a huge self-love practice, because I don't do it anymore, because I feel like I'm not going to be in shape if I don't, or my body's not going to look a certain type of way. I do it because I'm like, oh, this allows me to just love and give and be the vessel that can serve with excellence and for me, that's so loving. I love to do that. What are some other things for self-love for those listening?

Veronica Kelly: 30:37

Yeah, so, I'm a big fan of saying no, no. Setting boundaries is like the ultimate testament of self-love and just having safety and creating a boundary and giving yourself an opportunity to choose yourself. And when you learn to choose yourself, then it promotes other people choosing your boundaries and your safety. Safety is a huge one to me. I need to feel safe. My safety is valued by my partner and that, for me, is wellness. It's if you have more than one drink at dinner, you're not driving us home. It's like just I want to know that my partner values my safety and my health and my wellness.

Veronica Kelly: 31:26

That's very important to me because I do, and so I didn't used to value my safety, my health and my wellness. I was doing I did drugs, I drank, I partied. I was a mess. When I was in my twenties I did not value myself and my safety. I did drugs, I drank, I partied. I was a mess. When I was in my 20s I did not value myself and my safety. I put myself in a lot of situations and that weren't the most healthy for me.

Veronica Kelly: 31:48

And so now, when I chose to make my safety and my health and my wellness a really big priority for me, now it's expected that my partners prioritize that as well. So setting boundaries that align with your values and even in small ways, like you know, if your friend wants to go see a movie that you think might not feel good to your nervous system, I don't like horror films and I just don't like to be inside of a theater with a scary movie on films, and I just don't like to be inside of a theater with a scary movie on and having the courage to say you know, hey, so-and-so, I would love to hang out with you tonight, but this movie doesn't feel good to me Are you open to a different movie or are you open to a dinner instead?

Veronica Kelly: 32:31

And just having those conversations where you're really choosing your values in a loving way is a huge way to start to set up the safety to have those conversations when you're really choosing your values in a loving way is a huge way to start to set up the safety to have those conversations when you're in your relationships and so that's a really good one is working on your non-negotiables and your boundaries and sticking to them in ways that are safe, like with friends or with colleagues, and practicing that so that when you step into it with your partner, another really great rule of thumb when it comes to creating the love that you desire is your language. So the reason that in my experience, that affirmations may not work is because our subconscious mind's not on board. So you can say something all day and night and if you, your subconscious mind, disagrees, it's never going to take. There will be a tug of war and a waste of energy happening between the convincing and the lack of trust Exactly.

Veronica Kelly: 33:37

And so adding in some filler words, which are like gateway words, if you will like I'm willing to feel safe in a romantic partnership, I'm open to being treated with respect, I am available to meeting my husband in a way that feels easy and fun. I allow the universe to surprise me with love in a way I never knew possible. And so, having willing, allowing, available, if you add those into your subconscious mind, it leaves the door open for possibility and there's not a fight because your subconscious mind it leaves the door open for possibility and there's not a fight because your subconscious mind's like okay, yeah, we are not in a romantic relationship, but I am willing, I'm willing. And then your subconscious mind starts to get on board and you're like I am willing, all right, hmm, what would that look like for me? And then coming into a place of play Hmm, what would that look like for me? And then coming into a place of play, going through the motions, having those fantasies.

Veronica Kelly: 34:41

People say fantasies are bad, but I don't think so. I believe, like Einstein does, that everything was created in the imagination first. Dr Wayne Dyer says that I will see it when I believe it. Not, I'll believe it when I see it. I'll see it in my reality when I believe that it's possible. And the way to help to get your subconscious mind on board with that is being willing, being open, being available, or like Jana's shorts new book, yet saying I haven't found love yet, and just that word yet just leaves a little door in that subconscious mind for you to peek into and then maybe start to walk through when it becomes an alignment choice.

Lunden Souza: 35:25

Yep, you got to make it believable. I love the show. I actually love it. It's the Queer Eye show.

Lunden Souza: 35:31

Oh, my God, I love Queer, eye Obsessed, right. But there was one episode where Karamo, yeah, karamo, we love Karamo. Jonathan was in the mirror with one of their guests who gets to get all. I secretly wish it to be on the show. I want them just to come and love on me. But he was in the mirror with her and saying like, oh, I love me, I think I'm beautiful. And she's sitting there saying it in the mirror with this wonky face. You can tell she doesn't believe it. She looks at him and she's like but I don't believe that. And he's like it's okay, just say it. And so I made a reel about this. I was like okay, this is good and we can do better. Right, these filler words, these bridge words?

Veronica Kelly: 36:13

right, adding in yet or I'm willing, available for working on being okay with you know, excited to invite in all of that, and also stopping when you have that resistance and go, wow, okay, let's dive into that. And taking a moment and asking in your journal why don't I believe that? What do I believe? Okay, Whose voice is that? Is that my voice or is that someone else's voice? Okay, Can I forgive this? And I'm such a big proponent of hiring a coach, a therapist, a getting somebody that can help you walk you through this, because our ego mind wants to keep us there. You know, and, as you were just saying, those willing like we were just talking about those words help you open the door. But having a trained person who can see you on the other side of the door, be like come on, come on, come on, let's come over here, it really helps you to dive into that. Because once, if we never, if we don't give the opportunity to find out what the resistance is, we can't move past it.

Lunden Souza: 37:21

Yep, yep, we can't run away from it. I had the pleasure last year of being a part of Veronica's Breaking Free right. Is that the correct title?

Veronica Kelly: 37:33

Finally, Breaking Free.

Lunden Souza: 37:34

Finally Breaking Free a free event week long. She provides so much value. Oh my gosh, it's like a full series of incredible information and coaching from Veronica. She brings in special guests. I was one of them last year, so was Aubrey. We got to be together and I know that you're doing this again. So I want to talk about this and what you're doing, and then I want us to do a little bit of EFT so that you guys can get a taste of what that is and how amazing and transformative it is for our nervous system. And then, for those of you listening, we would love to invite you to join in on this finally breaking free event that Veronica is doing in March. So you'll find the links in the description, all of that. But tell us a little bit more about what we can get excited about for this event. And then let's tap a little bit as we kind of land the plane and wish everyone a happy Valentine's Day.

Veronica Kelly: 38:32

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and it is called obviously Finally Breaking Free. We're going to do six days and it's going to be March 3rd and going through the following Monday, and what's really exciting is that it is going to be a massively transformative event. The people who attended last year had massive transformations I'm excited to share. I'm going to bring a massively transformative event. The people who attended last year had massive transformations I'm excited to share. I'm going to bring a guest in to share her experience because she changed just in that week. She created so much change in her life. I was so proud of her.

Veronica Kelly: 39:09

And we meet every day on Zoom. I give wisdom teachings, we tap, we speak, we connect and then in the evening I have my speakers, which you are going to be one of, because I love you and I appreciate your wisdom. I'm so happy you're going to be here. And in the evening, people get to have an experience, taste other magic of different ways that they might resonate with. For healing, we have quantum healing. I've got somatic healing, nlp healing, eft experts. There's going to be language experts yourself. We're going to have different people in so everybody can get this experience of what it feels like to try different modalities in their bodies and find the one that fits and I love Try it on. Yeah, try it on, and then finally breaking free is by the end of this experience.

Veronica Kelly: 39:56

If you commit to it, you will have a massive shift. Emotional freedom technique will change your nervous system in five days, if you commit, and then I'll have an opportunity for people to buy the recordings too. So if they want to keep them in their toolbox, they're more than welcome to, and it's going to be great. You can register at finallybreakingfreecom as well as on my Instagram. Register at finallybreakingfreecom as well as on my Instagram. There is a link tree that will take you to the most updated information on everything as well. So you can register via my Instagram or on finallybreakingfreecom, and I know that you're going to post all those links in the notes. Yeah, but it's a huge, it's going to be great. So if you really want to create that self-love and connect with yourself to attract the love, I got you.

Lunden Souza: 40:44

Yeah, you do got us. It's a great experience. I got to be a part, yeah, of a little nugget of it, but I know that it was incredibly transformative for everybody that joined. I mean, it was incredibly transformative for me just being able to be there and witness you do your thing and see all those women that showed up to the container that you created. And, yeah, like you said, it will change if you commit to it. Right, it will. But you got to show up and put in the repetitions and it's fun to put in the repetitions together and I feel like when we do that all together and in that space, um, it's, it's fantastic. So, yeah, and for everyone listening, I'll put those links there for sure Finally breaking freecom, um, so that you can join us and be a part of that in March.

Veronica Kelly: 41:28

Yeah, I'm so excited, and thanks for the plug.

Lunden Souza: 41:31

Oh, okay, let's tap a little bit. Yeah, a little self-love Valentine's day, if you guys know what tapping is. Or EFT, awesome. If you don't, all good right, we're going to start where you are, yeah.

Veronica Kelly: 41:43

So the basics of tapping is you really can't get it wrong. So as long as you are following along and loving and accepting yourself right where you are, you can't get it wrong. So we're going to go through some tapping points and we're going to just chat with ourselves. And what I love about EFT is it's based in self-acceptance, compassion and forgiveness, and the more that you can hold a compassionate willingness to be with the parts that are wounded and bring them up and sit them at the table and feed them with love and compassion. That is when the healing happens, and having the courage and the willingness to be with what is is paramount. And so the first couple rounds of EFT we just let that be. We'll let that be what it is, create the safety and the willingness, and then we'll create a conversation to move what you want to let go of. And then we'll close it out with just being in the state of anything's possible and we'll bring in some really positive affirmations and plug them in.

Veronica Kelly: 42:53

So EFT is an actual studied method of which you recreate neurological pathways inside of your system, and one thing I want to talk about briefly is that one of my favorite things is that it gets out of your head and gets it into your heart, because we can know something all day and night, but until we believe it to be true in our heart center, it doesn't change our field. And if we don't change our field, we don't change our reality. And one thing that I love as well that science has backed up now is that and I think I've given you this data before, but do you know how? So, with the electromagnetic mapping devices, when they take a scan of your field, do you know how much stronger the pulse of electricity coming from your mind is versus how much stronger the one coming from your heart is? Do you know how much stronger the electromagnetic pulse is beaming from your heart is versus the one beaming from your head?

Lunden Souza: 43:52

I'm going to guess like 10 times.

Veronica Kelly: 43:54

If you don't do any exercise and you're just walking around your day-to-day life, it's around 70 times more strong. If you do work on your heart, do heart coherence and connect with your heart more, it's up to 100 to 130 times stronger than the pulse from your brain.

Lunden Souza: 44:12

Yeah, Isn't that wild? Out of our head and into our heart, let's go.

Veronica Kelly: 44:17

Exactly, and that is literally what is creating the energy around your body that is literally connecting people, place and things to you. So just like to drop that in the bucket of. One of the main positive things about EFT is we get out of our head and into our heart and into our bodies. Cool, All right. Lunden, what do you want to tap on specifically?

Lunden Souza: 44:41

Well, I think that, yeah, self-love, and let's say, like exactly what the topic is right Self-love that attracts your ultimate yeah, partner, right. And I also want to note too right, sometimes people are already in relationships. Remember, we change and transform and we're growing, so it's like, even if you are in a relationship, becoming more of the person that you want to be alongside that partner and attracting that again is so beautiful. So, whether that's the state you want to attract from, or you're single and not in a relationship and wanting to attract a partner for your of you know, a partner for your highest good, let's do that.

Veronica Kelly: 45:21

Great, all right. So we're going to start on the karate chop point, so just start to take some deep inhales and exhales.

Lunden Souza: 45:27

So we're tapping for those listening on the outside of our palm, that pinky line below.

Veronica Kelly: 45:33

Yeah, okay, like you're about to judo, chop somebody right there. Take a big breath in, even though I desire more self-love.

Lunden Souza: 45:47

Even though I desire more self-love, I accept myself exactly where I am.

Veronica Kelly: 45:52

I accept myself exactly where I am, even though I may not fully feel safe accepting my own love.

Lunden Souza: 46:01

Even though I might not fully feel safe accepting my own love.

Veronica Kelly: 46:05

I love accept and forgive myself. I love accept and forgive myself Even though I desire to shift my relationship with myself.

Lunden Souza: 46:15

Even though I desire to shift my relationship with myself.

Veronica Kelly: 46:19

I, love and accept myself right where I am. I love and accept myself right where I am, coming to the eyebrow points where your eyebrow meets the nose. Take a big breath in, even though I've been living my life this way for a long time even though I've been living my life this way for a long time outside of the eye and even though I've gotten comfortable exactly where I am, and even though I've gotten comfortable exactly where I am under the eye and even though I may not have prioritized my needs and my desires before, and even though I may not have prioritized my needs and my desires before and even though I may not have prioritized my needs and desires before, the nose.

Veronica Kelly: 47:06

I love and accept myself anyways. I love and accept myself anyways. Big breath in, big breath out the chin, Even though I may have picked up other people's opinions about how love should look.

Lunden Souza: 47:25

Even though I may have picked up others' opinions on how love should look.

Veronica Kelly: 47:30

Even though I may have been programmed by Disney movies as a little kid, disney movies as a little kid, Even if I've been programmed by Disney movies as a little kid. I'm open to choosing my version of love.

Lunden Souza: 47:45

I'm open to choosing my version of love.

Veronica Kelly: 47:59

The chest, big breath in and even though and I invite everybody to insert here what it is that you've been doing so even though I put other needs ahead of mine, even though I keep myself isolated, even though I don't feel safe, even though, just, whatever that is for you, just name it, you know, hmm.

Lunden Souza: 48:12

Even though sometimes I feel a little nervous to fully express my true self in relationship.

Veronica Kelly: 48:19

That's okay. I love and forgive myself. That's okay. I love and forgive myself. I totally forgive myself for operating this way. I totally forgive myself for operating this way. I totally forgive myself for abandoning myself.

Lunden Souza: 48:34

I totally forgive myself for abandoning myself, big breath in. I totally forgive myself for abandoning myself.

Veronica Kelly: 48:38

Big breath in the side of the ribs. What if I was to let that change?

Lunden Souza: 48:48

What if I was to let that change? What if I was to make a different choice? What if I was to make a different choice? That would feel pretty cool, that would feel pretty cool.

Veronica Kelly: 48:58

That would feel pretty cool. Am I safe enough, though? Am I safe enough though? I don't know. I don't know. Big breath in Top of the head. I am open to prioritizing my needs and my authentic self.

Lunden Souza: 49:19

I am open to prioritizing my needs and my authentic self.

Veronica Kelly: 49:24

Eyebrow points Big breath in I'm safe, I am safe, I'm safe sitting with whatever is blocking me.

Lunden Souza: 49:41

I am safe sitting with whatever is blocking me. I am safe letting it go too.

Veronica Kelly: 49:46

Outside of the I, I allow myself to soften into possibility. I love and accept myself as I figure out what that looks like for me.

Lunden Souza: 50:00

I love and accept myself as I figure out what that looks like for me.

Veronica Kelly: 50:04

Under the eye. I do not have to be perfect in order to get love.

Lunden Souza: 50:08

I do not have to be perfect in order to get love.

Veronica Kelly: 50:11

Perfect doesn't exist. Perfect doesn't exist, man messy seems to be the rage these days. Doesn't exist, man messy seems to be the rage these days, messy seems to be the rage these days. I mean for real, like have you watched reality TV?

Lunden Souza: 50:26

The masterpiece.

Veronica Kelly: 50:31

Big breath in the nose. I get to be me. I get to be me, just plain. Old me, just me, exciting me, exciting me, tired me, tired me, bitchy me, bitchy me, successful me, successful me, sad me messy, me, messy me. All of this is welcome at my table, all of this is welcome at my table, the chin I choose me. I choose me. Big breath in. I let go of the resistance to seeing myself. I let go of the resistance to seeing myself.

Lunden Souza: 51:20

I let go of the resistance to seeing myself.

Veronica Kelly: 51:24

I let go of the need to put it in. Maybe it's please, maybe it's overgive, maybe it's martyr. I let go of the need to just put it in.

Lunden Souza: 51:36

I let go of the need to have somebody else desire me in order for me to feel desirable.

Veronica Kelly: 51:43

Yeah, good, and I want y'all to just take a big breath into how that feels. I get to let this go. I get to let this go. I ask for my body to trust me and let this go.

Lunden Souza: 52:02

I ask for my body to trust me and let this go the chest.

Veronica Kelly: 52:07

Who would I be without that? Who would I be without that? I'm willing to find out.

Lunden Souza: 52:14

I am willing to find out Big breath in.

Veronica Kelly: 52:18

I am willing to find out big breath in. So right now, I am sovereign and I'm making the choice to let go of and I want y'all to put in that thing. What is that thing? I'm choosing to let go of people pleasing. I'm choosing to let go of and just just name it. I'm safe. I'm choosing to let go of playing small. I let it. I'm safe. Choosing to let go of playing small, I let it go. Let it go.

Lunden Souza: 52:42

I let it go.

Veronica Kelly: 52:44

I let it go. I choose to let it go. I choose to let it go. I'm safe on a cellular level Letting this go.

Lunden Souza: 52:52

I'm safe on a cellular level, letting this go Big breath in the ribs.

Veronica Kelly: 53:02

I accept myself right where I am. I accept myself right where I am. I witness myself exactly as I am. I witness myself exactly as I am. Nothing, there's nothing I have to do or be to deserve love, nothing. There's nothing I have to do or be to deserve love.

Lunden Souza: 53:19

Nothing, there's nothing I have to do or be to deserve love Right here and now.

Veronica Kelly: 53:24

All of the flaws, all of the successes. I get to witness self-love now.

Lunden Souza: 53:32

Right now, all the flaws, all the successes. I get to witness self-love now.

Veronica Kelly: 53:41

Top of the head. I'm available for the shift right now.

Lunden Souza: 53:43

I'm available for this shift right now. Eyebrow points big breath.

Veronica Kelly: 53:52

I'm safe. I am safe outside of the eye. I allow myself to be seen. I allow myself to be seen. I am safe letting go of old programs. I am safe, letting go of old programs under the I. I bring in possibility and excitement. I bring in possibility and excitement. I'm worthy, even on my shittiest admit I'm worthy.

Lunden Souza: 54:23

Even on my shittiest, darkest moment, I still deserve love I am worthy.

Veronica Kelly: 54:28

Even on my shittiest, darkest moment, I still deserve love Unconditional love, unconditional love. Let's make a sound the nose. I let this go, I let this go. I'm safe, I'm safe, I'm worthy, I'm worthy, I'm open, I'm open. I don't have to have this shit figured out, I just get to be me.

Lunden Souza: 54:52

I don't have to have this shit figured out, I just get to be me Good old me.

Veronica Kelly: 54:56

Good old me, big breath in Good chin. My needs are important. My needs are important. I value my needs. I value my needs. I give myself my needs.

Lunden Souza: 55:15

I give myself, I gift myself my needs.

Veronica Kelly: 55:18

Yeah, and I want you to really just breathe that in. I value my values.

Lunden Souza: 55:27

I value my values.

Veronica Kelly: 55:29

The chest I deserve and I want you to just drop in some needs, so just kind of let your mind go with it. I deserve safety. I deserve to be adored. Just let it flow. I deserve to be in a very passionate, sexy relationship. I deserve a big, beautiful house. I deserve just name it all y'all.

Lunden Souza: 55:52

I deserve I deserve, I deserve safety, adoration, spiritual connection and so much fucking laughter.

Veronica Kelly: 56:02

Yeah, I deserve that. The ribs. I choose this for me. I choose safety. I choose laughter and just let it go. I choose it, I choose safety.

Lunden Souza: 56:17

I choose adoration, I choose laughter. I choose spiritual connection.

Veronica Kelly: 56:22

Big breath in Top of the head. I don't need to know how this is coming, I just need to be in alignment with it.

Lunden Souza: 56:33

I don't need to know how this is coming, I just need to be in alignment with it. I brought points big breath in. I have so much courage to let go of the things blocking me. I have so much courage to let go of the things that are blocking me. They're gone in this moment for now.

Veronica Kelly: 56:53

They're gone. In this moment for now, just for today, I choose to let them go. Just for today, I choose to let them go. What if I truly, truly believe that? What if I? Truly truly believe that let's have a game. I'm going to believe it today.

Lunden Souza: 57:09

Let's have a game. I'm going to believe it today.

Veronica Kelly: 57:11

Under the eye. I believe I deserve love. I believe I deserve love. I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my bones the nose I take really good care of myself. I take really good care of myself. I have the freedom to design a love that feels safe to me.

Lunden Souza: 57:31

I have the freedom to design a love that feels safe to me.

Veronica Kelly: 57:35

And that's so awesome and I'm so awesome. Big breath in I love myself. I love myself and those that are listening. If that doesn't feel right to say I'm willing to love myself more deeply.

Lunden Souza: 57:55

Yeah, willing to love myself more deeply, the chin.

Veronica Kelly: 58:00

I fully, fully surrender anything that says different.

Lunden Souza: 58:04

I fully, fully surrender anything that says different.

Veronica Kelly: 58:09

It's just great to just give myself a break. It feels so great to give myself a break To fully let myself off the hook and forgive myself.

Lunden Souza: 58:19

I fully let myself off the hook and forgive myself. I am forgiven and I forgive. I am forgiven and I forgive. I choose different, I choose different.

Veronica Kelly: 58:30

Because I'm worth it. Because I'm worth it, the chest Big breath in Good job me. Good job me. Body, you're beautiful, body, you're beautiful. I love you heart. I love you heart. I'm so grateful for myself. I'm so grateful for myself. I'm so grateful for the love I already have.

Lunden Souza: 58:57

So grateful for the love that I already have. What a blessing.

Veronica Kelly: 59:02

What a blessing Big breath in Side of the ribs. I choose to sit in this field of possibility. I choose to sit in this field of possibility. I choose to be grateful for myself. I choose to be grateful for myself and I let anything else fall away. And I let anything else fall away and I tune back into me. And I tune back into me because I'm worth it, because I'm worth it, because I'm worth it Top of the head. This is the reality I'm choosing for myself.

Lunden Souza: 59:42

This is the reality I'm choosing for myself, with faith.

Veronica Kelly: 59:46

With faith and love and love and curiosity and curiosity and safety and safety. Just tap all around. Tap your neck, your shoulders, your arms, your boobs, your belly, your back, your legs. Just take a second y'all. I want you to just imagine that your cells and your bones are drinking in the shift, just like a plant absorbing nutrients and water. Drink it in to your cells, in your bones. I invite y'all to revel in this feeling tone as much as you can and come back to this tap as many times as you're available to as you create the shift. Come on back.

Lunden Souza: 1:00:49

Fuck yeah, oh, I love tapping with you. Thank you so good.

Lunden Souza: 1:00:57

I just ditto I get lost in the act now and now I've been doing the tapping we did on Instagram. We did a live together. I always just scroll back and save it and I'll redo it. So I feel like, yeah, my ability to kind of get lost in it is so, yeah, more yeah available, because I that's when the magic happens, girl and keep going back. Thank you so much for sharing that and, yes, for those listening, save this episode, star it and listen again, of course, but also fast forward until you get to this point and we invite you to tap and re-tap with us. Thank you, bk. My pleasure and that's.

Veronica Kelly: 1:01:40

it's like you said earlier, it's putting in the reps. You know our, the, the repetition and strong emotion is how we rewire our brains and EFT when you do it consistently, daily. That's why my clients have massive and I mean like I'm blown away to this day, humbled and honored, how massively transformative my clients receive their EFT journey. It's day and night when people work with me if they show up every day and do that EFT, because it will 100% change your life If you can commit to it.

Lunden Souza: 1:02:17

Yeah, I just kind of I'm going to hang out in this feeling for a little bit. Thank you guys so much for listening and being a part of this. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, enjoy this. Share this episode with a friend. If you're listening to this and you're like, oh, wow, that's the ultimate gift, right, me and Veronica are only one person each, let's say, and whenever you guys share our social media accounts or these episodes with someone right that you think this will resonate with. Even if just one person's life and heart is shifted from this episode, I always consider that a win. I can definitely say more than one in this instance, but share this with a friend. Copy paste, send someone a little happy Valentine's day message. Remember them, remind them you know how much you care and love them and give them the gift of self-love through this episode today. We appreciate you and join us in March for Veronica's finally breaking free event. I'll be there on one of the days in the evening as a guest speaker alongside so many other incredibly, just yeah.

Veronica Kelly: 1:03:22

Yeah, incredible. The list of experts I have on this one is like what. It's so amazing. So y'all please join me, please join me, finally breaking free Lunden.

Lunden Souza: 1:03:33

I love you. Love you too, sister. Thank you guys for listening. Something resonated with you. Do me a favor and share this episode with a friend, someone that you think might enjoy this episode as well. That's the ultimate compliment and the best way to make this podcast ripple out into the world of others. And also you can leave us a review up to five stars wherever you're listening to the podcast. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you at the next episode. I appreciate you.