Women's Heart Health with Heart Attack Survivor Dr. Kirsten Thornhill

 Heart attacks aren't just a men's issue-it's the #1 killer of women, and knowing the signs could save your life. In this episode, Dr. Kirsten Thornhill shares her shocking experience of having a heart attack in her 30s and what every woman needs to know about heart health. Tune in to learn how to protect your heart and take control of your well-being.

We dive into:
❤️ The signs of a heart attack in women (they’re NOT always what you think!)
💡 How stress, exercise, and lifestyle impact cardiovascular health
🚨 Why young women often ignore heart attack symptoms—and what to do instead

About Dr. Kirsten Thornhill:
She empowers PhDs to transition into non-academic careers while advancing healthcare through clinical research. She also hosts full moon events and brings joy with her vibrant fashion and warm presence. 

SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS:
IG: @‌kthorn_
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kirstenthornhill/
LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/drkirstenthornhill

Timestamps to help you navigate this episode:
0:00 Intro
0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
5:55 Heart Attack Experience at Age 30
16:47 Heart Attack Warning Signs
21:38 The Dark Period After the Heart Attack
36:18 Heart Health Advice for Women

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
• 5:55 Heart Attack Experience at Age 30
• 16:47 Heart Attack Warning Signs
• 29:24 Finding Purpose Through Spiritual Growth
• 36:18 Heart Health Advice for Women

Transcript

Lunden Souza: 0:00

Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the place where you'll get inspired to live your life unapologetically, embrace your perfect imperfections and do what sets your soul on fire. I'm your host, Lunden Souza. Hey, before we jump into this episode, I just want to make sure that you get all the free things possible, If you haven't already. You need to get your self-love and sweat free monthly life coaching calendar. Honestly, the way to experience deep change in your life is by doing small little things over time, and so that's what you'll find in this free calendar. You can get it by going to lifelikelunden. com/calendar. Get yours for free and let's get into today's episode.

Lunden Souza: 1:01

Happy today and welcome back to the podcast. Today's guest is such a gift, just such a wonderful woman that I've had the privilege of meeting here, living in Utah, and the funny thing is is we're also from basically the same hometown in Central California, which we figured out the day that we met. We have Dr Kirsten Thornhill here today. Can I say that? Is that okay if I introduce you as doctor? I love that you're a doctor. Yes, yes, it is new but yes.

Lunden Souza: 1:33

Yeah, thank you for being here today and I just want to briefly intro how we met and then you guys are going to hear how freaking awesome and why I love Kirsten so much. But we met in the teepee. So we met my friend, becca, who I met out here in Utah. She has a teepee like a legit teepee in her backyard where she does sound baths, plant medicine ceremonies Just it's such a great place. I love going to Becca's teepee.

Lunden Souza: 1:59

So one day, me and my neighbor Bryson, we go to Becca's house for a hot bay sound bath and there's like a little intimate circle I think there's maybe like six of us, small group, and we're just all, like you know, just chit-chatting and talking about where we're from. And I mentioned I was from a small town in Central California and Kirsten's eyes lit up in a way that only people from the 209 light up Like wait where? And we figured out we're from. Yeah, very close to the same town, have a lot of friends that know each other wild, but not wild, because I feel like things happen like that in my life and in your life too, all the time. And I remember that day you came in and you were just like sharing what you had gone through. There was a lot happening in that moment and I just remember sitting back and being like, oh my gosh, this girl's so badass. She's just showing up for herself, showing up for the journey. No shame, guilt or what she's been going through, just it rolled off the tongue, right.

Lunden Souza: 2:53

And those listening you know if you've yeah, for those listening, this could be their first episode they've ever listened to, but probably not. And in my family it was like you didn't talk about the hard things, you just pretended like everything was okay and you just said you were all good and you put a smile and some lipstick on and everything was great, right. And here's this gorgeous, wonderful, vibrant, human, kirsten, in the teepee, just like this is what happened. Here's what I've been doing. It was just like so as if you were just talking about anything, and I love that and that's what I love about the podcast and what I love about you. And so, before I pressed record on the episode for today, I told Kirsten I'm like, well, let's just talk like we normally do Just now we're pressing record, right, but I'm so happy to have you here. I freaking adore you. Tell us a little bit about you, so that the listener can just yeah, understand more about you.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 3:42

Oh well, thank you for that introduction. My cheeks already hurt. We've just begun, I don't even know where to start. What I would say is, if somebody said who you are, I really just try and show up in this human experience to the best of my abilities, and what that typically looks like is showing and sharing love with people, even though professionally I just became a doctor and I do research. But personally I think I'm a lot more grounded and self aware to be able to connect with people on very, very different scopes and levels, and then that kind of translates and bleeds into what I do professionally.

Lunden Souza: 4:31

Yes, I remember Well, we were at Friendsmas Was Friendsmas, right, that's what it's called At my neighbor Bryson's house and I invited Kirsten I'm like come over and then we were sitting next to each other, yeah, talking and talking about how, how awkward it is when people ask you what you do and how we kind of don't like that question, and how you were like, yeah, I just like I don't, I don't know about how I feel, like saying that I'm a doctor and we were just talking about that.

Lunden Souza: 5:00

Then we're in the gift exchange and we're all in a circle and we have to say something we're excited about and Kirsten goes I'm excited because I'm a doctor, and you let it out. Which is that's. I love that, Right. It's like when you have something that you're a little bit like funky about, might as well just like say it and get it out. What was that moment like for you? What was going through your head? Do you feel different now that you say doctor, Where's that stand?

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 5:31

Yeah. So imposter syndrome leaks into us any given day, any given time, no matter what we've accomplished or not. And when I did arrive to that party, I was looking for you because I was like I know no one, but I know Lunden and I know she is radiant, so these people will reflect that too. And I started talking to a gentleman and he's like what do you do? And I think my philosophical brain said in what regard? Like professionally or personally, because my innate reaction to that question is I'm having an intense human experience and getting to find out things along the way.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 6:04

But professionally that's a different story and I didn't go into that. He was really surprised. That was my response. But then, when we were in this beautiful circle and people were sharing things they're excited about and I knew nothing about them I was like, okay, I am excited that I finally finished school after 10 years and I have been working on being seen and being heard more and I am really proud of that. So I'm going to share it, regardless of how people respond. I'm excited. And so it was like a very beautiful opportunity to get to use my voice to share what I was proud of, even though it was just a glimpse of getting to meet new people, and we're all sharing this minor thing and none of us know each other.

Lunden Souza: 6:45

I love that. I love that. I remember looking over at you and being like, oh okay, she's going to own it. Today's the day she's owning it and I'm right next to you and I love it. I want to talk about your heart attack. I want to talk about your 30, right, Did you have your heart attack at 30? Right after.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 7:03

I turned 30.

Lunden Souza: 7:07

you had your heart attack at 30. Right after I turned 30. What, what, what? Yeah, like physically what was going on, and like I know you see it, cause that's how we roll it was like it's it's something more than just the heart attack, Right, but like what physically happened, what was going on? And then, yeah, tell us that story.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 7:20

Wild story in hindsight right. If only our foresight was as significant and impactful as our hindsight. My background is in preventive cardiology, so through school I worked with inpatient, outpatient physicians and patients to help with preventative health measures to help people before they have a heart attack, like how, what markers can we find? You know, what type of physical activity can we recommend, what type of stress coping mechanisms? And so me having a heart attack was never in my cards. I it was probably early May I got bronchitis out of nowhere, probably through cycling and being around people or maybe just being in social settings, and so I took time off of exercise and my coughing got really bad. So I ended up going to urgent care and I had minor pneumonia and I just had a viral bronchitis. So there wasn't really any antibiotics I could be put on just to rest, warm liquids, really really rest. And so that was really hard for me because I love to exercise, I love to move my body, and so I really took time off until I physically had no more symptoms to ensure I'd be okay to come back to exercise. So I returned. I was cycling again to exercise, so I returned. I was cycling again like normal. I didn't need an inhaler, I was. I was just slowly getting back into it and I think I cycled about four days that week and had no problem and I was like, great, I'm back.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 8:55

I just fell a little weak because I was sick for two, three weeks and then on the fifth day of cycling that week I had a heart attack while I was in class and I had no idea. I just had stabbing pain in my diaphragm, so right between like my belly button and my chest in that area, and it kept getting worse when I tried to take deep breaths and I was cycling at about 85% to 100% of my maximum, so I was breathing really hard. And then I struggled to breathe and I was trying to diagnose myself really quickly and say, okay, is this because I haven't exercised? Is something going on that I'm not aware of? And so I didn't want to get up and leave class because at that point I started hyperventilating because I couldn't get a deep breath, and so I said, okay, I'm going to wait here until class is over and somebody can help me off and we can try and figure out what's going on. At that time I also didn't know if anyone else had a medical background in the room that if I were to get off the bike and fall, if somebody could save me. So I said I'm going to stay on.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 9:58

So class ended, my partner helped me get off the bike and I still was saying I'm really struggling to breathe. I was checking my pulse in class and obviously it was really high, which wasn't helping, cause I was like, okay, I'm exercising, of course my pulse is high, I don't really know what's going on and I have no medical history of cardiac on either side of the family, by the way, no history of anything. And so I go home and the chest pains are still really bad. So I try and sit in the shower because I'm thinking, okay, maybe my lungs are still affected, and so I tried to get some steam in there and just take some deeper breaths slowly in the shower and it didn't really help. And so I went to lay down and kind of just lay in fetal position because closing my chest, my chest, or contracting my chest felt a little bit better. I tried to fall asleep and I kept having. I heard a voice say don't fall asleep, you might not wake up. And it happened twice and it wasn't my voice, I have no idea whose it was, and I tried to roll over and fall asleep one more time, and when I rolled over onto my back, I like gasped for air. Um, and that's when I told my partner I think I need to go to the emergency room. I don't know what's happening and I think it's beyond what I can help myself with. Uh, and so by the time he hopped in the shower and it was maybe 10 minutes from when I told him we need to go, and luckily St Mark's is right within a mile of our place, so he was able to take me there and by the time we got to the ER, which was only 10 minutes after I said this, I couldn't even talk.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 11:36

I walked into the ER and my hands were on my knees and I was literally hitting my chest, trying to tell the nurse that I couldn't breathe because I didn't know I was having heart attack. And so they got me back right away and I was really kind of going into shock because I had been in such discomfort. And so they ran an EKG on me first and I asked to see it because I wanted to know what was going on, because I didn't think it was my heart, because previously I had bronchitis that was more of a lung issue, and so my EKG came back normal and so at first I thought, okay, this is good, my heart's okay, I don't know what's going on, and so took me back for blood work. You know that ER visit ended up being almost eight hours before I got admitted and I really got nervous when they said I needed to get a CT scan to see if I had a pulmonary embolism. And when I came in I could talk in very short bursts when I had a breath, and so I let them know about my background and that they could talk to me medically to tell me what's going on and not beat around the bush or something. And they said, okay, we're going to get you back to see if you have a pulmonary embolism.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 12:46

And my partner does not have a medical background and I he kind of saw me like start to freak out and I wanted to cry but I couldn't breathe, so crying would have obviously made me need to breathe harder.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 12:56

And he said what's going on? I said they're going to see if I have a blood clot in my lungs and it could go at any time and I could die. And I said that and he just stared at me and that was when I was really scared because I had bronchitis and so I thought, oh my gosh, what if it is something to do with my lungs? So there was like an hour of waiting before they could get me in for the CT and then it took about an hour after the CT to get the results and luckily I didn't have a pulmonary embolism. So I was like thank goodness, because at that time, while I'm waiting, I'm also like if I do have one it could rupture and luckily I'm in this facility and hopefully I can be taken care of. But that's terrifying, because what if I exercised and made it?

Lunden Souza: 13:40

worse. You're there like you're in the position of needing the support and you know so much, I imagine, like, not that you don't know more, but knowing more probably, you know, made you more petrified.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 13:51

Oh, absolutely, because uh, you, absolutely. Because the doctor's coming in and telling me how certain variables in my blood results are increasing, which means I was actively, continuously having a heart attack while I was in there. And to give some perspective, they look at your troponin levels and somebody who's having a major heart attack has troponin levels in the blood of about like 5,000, like massive amounts. I was in the hundreds range and it was continuing. So I was having a minor heart attack while I was in there and so every couple hours they did my blood work and my troponin was still increasing, and so they kept telling me to try and remain calm. But I'm like, okay, I'm actively having a heart attack while I'm sitting here and I'm just waiting for I don't know.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 14:38

So they ended up keeping me overnight and that was a really weird 24, 48 hours of I'm a patient in a room that I once would come in and work with patients, with patients.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 15:00

And this is really surreal because days before I got a state award from the state of Utah and got invited to this big gala and was, um, I got voted best in education for the state and it was just like this being seen. It was this first time of like me being seen post finishing school and then I have a heart attack a couple of days later. And so while I'm in there, I get an email that I was in the Provo Herald and here's this article about me and the title was like doctoral student excels through rock bottoms. And I just start crying, laughing while I'm in the hospital, because I was just at a career high two days ago and now I don't even know this is a rock bottom yet. But I'm like this has got to be a rock bottom of my physical health. I've never endured a physical health problem, luckily and gratefully, besides sports injuries. And so I'm laughing and the nurse is like, are you okay?

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 15:52

I'm like, and so I'm laughing and the nurse is like are you okay? I'm like, absolutely not. I'm in the newspaper, but I'm here, and so that that was that immediate experience, right, it's forever stamped in my brain because it was so extreme and it's something I've never gone through before. And then I didn't even think about what would happen next. I just wanted to make sure I was okay. So that was May last year.

Lunden Souza: 16:20

Yeah, and here we are, yeah, february. So, yeah, march, a few months We'll have to have a little celebration of your one year. Now you're healthy, absolutely Commemorate that. But what's interesting to me and I'm sure there's people listening that think this too I honestly thought when you have a heart attack, you just collapse Like I didn't think you could like, yeah, distinguish if you want to get on the bike or off the bike.

Lunden Souza: 16:46

Like you know, I didn't realize that there's this, yeah, that that's what a heart attack can be or look like. So I just feel like I learned so much right now because I thought like, oh, that that's what a heart attack can be or look like. So I just feel like I learned so much right now because I thought like, oh, your heart just does its heart attack thing. And then you're, you know, on the ground or you just I didn't realize that there's, um, yeah, like you could have awareness through that, and maybe someone listening has gone through that before or didn't know that either, right, and I just think, yeah, that's super interesting, right, you're not just attack and then done. It's like there are some things to maybe notice or pay attention to or, like you said, those voices are just an inner knowing of like wait, I need to get checked out.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 17:25

Absolutely, and I definitely want to echo or bold underline that women have different symptomatic responses during a heart attack than men, and we've probably heard or been informed that right, maybe left arm tingling and chest pain is a typical sign of a heart attack which it is but in women it may present very differently. It may be chest pain that's coming and going, it may be a shortness of breath, it may be all of a sudden, maybe a few days of extreme onset of tiredness, and so I definitely encourage people because unfortunately you won't know until you know to try and really check in with yourself. Right, how are you physically feeling?

Lunden Souza: 18:08

How are what are the levels called? Again, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. You said what's the T word? A troponin, troponin, right? So you're not just going to like feel off and want to go run and get your troponin levels checked all the time, right? It's like how do you know when it's time to, especially as a woman, like you said? You're not, you're not. Yeah, the symptoms are different, or different than what you would expect, or like being tired, I would never think oh hard, you know and not that we want people to think big things out of something that's not that big, but like I would never have known that never, and it's also so important and not to even stretch it as far as hypochondriac in your journal.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 18:50

Whether you journal or just make a note. If you notice just feeling weird one day, just write it down. It may be nothing right, it may just be stress from work or you know where you're at in your menstrual cycle or whatever it is. But just make a note. If you feel like something's weird or just you know, just write it down. Because once I was in there, once we figured out the diagnosis of having a minor heart attack. I had acute pericarditis, which is where the swelling of the lining around my heart filled with fluid and I was obviously cycling really hard and my heart couldn't keep up with the demand. But that resulted because the infection from the bronchitis went from my lungs to my heart and no one knew. I didn't know, the doctors didn't know. They said this happens to less than 1% of people and it's typically in people that are in their twenties and thirties that are really active because we're pushing our physical boundaries. Uh, and so that once I got that information I was like this is really weird, because something happened to me that no one would have expected, I would have never known.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 19:58

And some of the symptoms I did still have, like I mentioned, the sharp, sharp chest pain and even the days a couple of days before I was really tired, but it was hard for me to ever think about it could be a heart attack because I was getting over being sick. You know, I started cycling again. I just thought those were potential things that would happen when I'm getting back into it. And so when they were like, have you noticed any tiredness or shortness of breath the last few days? And I said yes, but I don't know if it's correlational or causational, because I was also sick, and so even just saying those things out loud to the physicians and the team that I was working with, I was like, oh, those are some things I kind of brushed off.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 20:40

Or, you know, maybe I could have told my partner or told a friend of like, oh, that is really weird. I'm feeling like this today. Just kind of voicing it out loud or sharing it with somebody could really help to make sure that you're with someone or you're not alone during these times where you kind of feel off, because what would have happened if I fell asleep? I have no idea what would have happened if I didn't go to cycle that class and there were 40 people around me, like so you know, everything happens in the timing that it does for a reason, whether you understand it or not, at that time right Hindsight or foresight. But I'm glad things happened the way they did and the timing that they did, because the rock, so to speak, that was dropped in the pond that day rippled. It's still rippling for me, but for probably four months after that I was in a really dark place and I have a lot of gratitude for that space that I was in. But wow, what a life experience to have a part of you physically die.

Lunden Souza: 21:47

And that's when I met you is when we were in the teepee and you were like coming out of that dark period. I was just talking about this because before you and I hopped on, I was on a one-on-one client call and you said you know, everything happens for a reason. We might not be sure about it. I like to say things happen and we make a reason, rather than everything happens for a reason, because these stories that we tell are so tight knit right In terms of you know, so what's your? What? Like you, said I, when you look back, you kind of don't wish it didn't happen. Of course, in the moment you know all the things, but like things happen and we make a reason, what's why you didn't have a heart attack?

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 22:29

What a question. I think it's multifactorial for sure, but one is I needed to slow down, and whether that meant physically slowing down because I was trying to take on the world, or if that meant emotionally and mentally slowing down and checking in with myself because I became so good at being there for others and putting everything first, I still was in a really good place to put some of my needs there, but I still wasn't my main focus. And that experience had to happen for me to one truly love myself at rock bottom. I physically can't even walk up the stairs for months. I'm on bedrest, I am left with me, and I'm really glad that at that time I already had a really good meditation, meditative and journaling practice. But I really had to lean in and say, okay, what am I not seeing in my blind spot, what am I not practicing, what am I not dealing with? That this experience is trying to show me. So that was a huge factor.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 23:42

And then, two it was a weird culmination of my background has been preventive cardiology and then I have a heart attack. I, yeah, it made you shut up Wild, yeah. And so I really even not even an identity crisis, but I'm a very introspective person and thought maybe I'm not meant to work in this field anymore. Maybe this is the most symbolic sign that, yes, I've endured school, I finished my PhD, I now have that in my pocket. What if I don't need to work in that field anymore? What if I can do anything with my life now? And I've never had that privilege and that freedom that this is just a brand new restart that I don't know I'm going to be really grateful for.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 24:26

And so those months were very heavy, with a victim feeling whether that is right or wrong isn't necessarily in the ballpark, but sitting with okay, this has happened, this is happening for me. Why is this happening for me? You know, going through the periods of grief, of anger why did this happen for me? Going to the periods of sadness like why did this happen for me? Then entering the state of empowerment, of wow, why did this happen for me Just that whole process. Right, I would say I'm more on the latter end now of this power.

Lunden Souza: 24:59

I love that part. You said the same thing, but you said it angry, sad and empowered and everybody listening felt it. I just got goosebumps over my whole body and this is huge, because this is the words change our world. Right, it's like the same but different. Same but not. It's like the same sentence, but same but different. Same but not same sentence.

Lunden Souza: 25:16

But sometimes we need to ask that question or get things out from a space of anger and grief and sadness and then empowerment, right, and I love that you said about that victim, you know, wanting to be in that space and that it's not right or wrong, neither here nor there. Right, we all need that for some amount of time and we get to choose the duration of that and when we choose to transition from victim and sadness and feeling right. I don't think we should skip over that. But we get to decide how long do I want to be here? And then when is it time for me to move to that empowerment phase? And I just love hearing the nuances in your voice of why did this happen to me? Why did this happen to me? Why did this happen to me?

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 25:59

It was like Absolutely and then. So there's that level of internal conflict, internal talk, internal mindset, with experience, and then there's that external. How do I tell people I had a heart attack? Do I want to tell people? Do I want to have those conversations? Do I have the bandwidth to have those conversations? Are people going to feel bad for me, right? So then it's like this juggling of internal dialogue. External, how do I ask people to be here for me and support me, but I also don't want to project onto them and have them feel my pain, because I'm aware that I will probably project if I'm not in a good place. So at that same time, when I was really going through this healing process, is when I kind of found Becca and going to these different sound bath ceremonies and really leaning into my spiritual community, which has blossomed, leaning into my spiritual community which has blossomed, and I was just in a state of like this happened for me.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 27:03

I don't have all of the answers yet, but this is going to make me stronger as a healer, stronger as a leader, stronger as somebody who people come to for their health. And now I have a deeper layer to be able to relate to patients. Whether I still work in cardiology or not, which I actually don't right now, I can still relate to them on having something catastrophic happen to you out of nowhere, even just that level of humanness, of empathy and compassion, of experiencing something you never thought you would.

Lunden Souza: 27:31

So, yeah, so good you would. So, yeah, yeah, so good. Um, we heard a little glimpse of Kirsten's dog bark and you have the cutest doodles ever. Oh, thank you, little guy, and they're so sweet. And you know and I say that because I know you're you're back at it again, right, I went to cycling class with you.

Lunden Souza: 27:51

You brought me to M cycle studios to do an 8am class on a Sunday. It was so fun. I know. Recently you had your podium ride so you got to be on kind of that platform and that cycle place you go to is phenomenal. So it's just like great music, good vibes, choreography the guy was burning sage or Paula Santo.

Lunden Souza: 28:08

At the end we had a meditate, epic, right. And you're with your dogs and I know you're hiking and getting out and every morning at 6am Kirsten cold plunges on a cold pledge in her roof that she oftentimes has to break the ice first because it's so cold in Utah. Like you're, you're living, right, you're alive and you're living, and it's so beautiful to, to watch and witness. But what has that journey been like? Like, have you been a little bit? What was like getting on the bike the first time?

Lunden Souza: 28:35

After that, were you scared, like? And now you're inviting more of the community in right. Like I'm really grateful of the time that I met you, like of all times, to meet Kirsten. Like this is really fucking cool and it's such a gift to to see you and witness this. Like it's it's going to make me a little emotional, but like you're living and you're going after what some people might not have. You know, some people have heart attacks and freaking die. You know, and here you are and that didn't happen. So what was that journey like? Back to finding your physical health and wellbeing and now stepping in role of facilitator for community and all of that. Right, you're not pumping the brakes woe is me. Like you're creating something anew and what's that been like?

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 29:23

It really was a burn to the ground for me. So the months that came after, right, the heart attack is I'm dealing with a physical immobility, okay, and as a person that exercises numerous times a day, every day, to have that taken away from you, it messes with your psyche, it messes with your physical appearance, perceptions, it messes with the communities that you have around exercise. So all of that's gone. While that's gone, I've obviously finished school. I'm now unemployed while I'm job hunting. So I'm job hunting, but I feel very uncomfortable of, okay, this limits me because I can't work in person. I don't want to have to tell an employer that, hey, I'm on bedrest. It's not that I don't want to communicate the vulnerabilities. I don't want this to continue into this huge new chapter of my life where I'm finally not in school after 10 years. So I'm dealing with that, and then I'm looking in the mirror and I'm like I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like a part of me died. I don't recognize myself, even though the same people are on me. I went through a full blown death, a physical death, and so then that also came with an emotional and mental death as well. I got to a point in probably, I want to say it was September. I didn't want to live anymore. In probably, I want to say it was September. I didn't want to live anymore, and that was a really, really scary place to be, because of my background being so close with physical and mental health.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 30:56

I, you know, communicated my thoughts and feelings to my therapist, and it really was beyond what her and I could do. So I really looked to my resources, even if I didn't know what they were. I just started calling around places of you know who can I talk to beyond my cognitive behavioral therapist, because I'm having these feelings and these thoughts and they're not a reflection of who I really am, but they are a projection of what I've gone through. And so I'm going to use my resources because I know if I were to tell a friend this was happening to me right now, they would want what's best for me. And even though this is hard, I need to help myself, and if I can't help myself, I need to find people that can. And so I really had to go through a mental death after that.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 31:39

And again, these experiences were so raw and vulnerable that there was so much power in them, there's so much power in being at your lowest and still being your true self, regardless. If it's to strangers, friends, family, whoever you need to tell, and just owning it. It's not even being proud, owning it. It is just like this is what I'm going through. If this is how you could support me, if this is how you could support me, if this is how you could be there, great. If not, I totally understand. Just full surrender of what's happening. It will help with the healing process, whether you're in the beginning stages or at the end.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 32:15

And so once I started to quote unquote, come out of this I really was very introspective for months, still very much hermiting, but really leaning into my spiritual community and trying to go back to cycle again was terrifying. You're telling me I'm going to walk into the same room that I had a heart attack in and no one's going to know, and I'm going to be fine. Terrifying. But I did it anyways because I said I'd rather do it scared than not do it at all. And that's kind of been a mantra of mine even of late, of like I'm really scared but I'm going to do it anyways because I'd rather do it than than ponder what would have happened if I did or didn't. Uh.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 32:56

And so I got back into it and, with my background, I've been a clinical exercise physiologist for many years at the? U where I was helping patients post heart attack with exercise rehabilitation. So I just treated myself as a patient. I walked in there, I used my pull socks, I monitored my heart rate, I took things at my pace, I took my blood pressure and I just treated myself like an external patient. Okay, I know mentally I can do more because I have a very athletic background, but physically I have to treat myself like a patient. I have to treat myself like a heart patient because I am, and so I really just gave myself grace that was definitely my word last year, not even knowing all this was going to happen.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 33:40

And then coming to this place of deep, deep meditative work the last few months, where I actually connected with my spirit guides in a meditation and I asked what was my purpose, what is my purpose in this human existence? And instantly my spirit guide said to heal and be light. And for you to heal, that means you need to go through a lot of stuff people will choose to not go through and that is going to make you stronger to be able to help others. And once I got that, I came out of that meditation and I said, okay, this all makes sense now. That was like the answer right that I was going through for the grief of like why? And then I got that answer of, oh, I am here to heal and because I get to do that and endure these things, this gives me the ability to help others and that is very near and dear to my core values.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 34:31

So I've really blossomed in that way of opening to community, opening up and inviting people to do my quote unquote weird things with me and cold plunge communities at my house and sound baths and full moon ceremony, and I just opened it and at the end of the day I'm like, if no one shows, I still love this. If everyone shows, I still love this, because it's authentically who I am. So if it's with community, that'll be great and it will just enhance the experience even more. But if it's an opportunity to connect deeper with self, I also am all for that.

Lunden Souza: 35:08

Yes, yes, so many snaps to that. We were at the. Yeah, me and Kirsten, not knowingly, but we were at the Utah Jazz game two nights ago, right Two nights ago. At the same time, I posted something on stories and then she's like wait, you're here and I'm in section 139. And I was like, okay, I'm 135.

Lunden Souza: 35:29

And so we look up and we're like waving and we see each other and you sent me a text. You're like I love how we're like orbiting each other and I'm like same. It's just I love, yeah, I love everything that you needed to go through in order to get here so that we can tap into this relationship that we've started and are working on. We're always trying to spend time together and make plans and whatever. And I was with my friend Maritza and she's like, oh, who's that? I'm like, oh, that's the girl we're going to her full moon ceremony on the 12th and she's like, ok, cool, I'm like she's from Turlock and my friend Maritza, who's visiting, she's from Merced too. So she was like we were just kind of sitting there and it was just fun. We're like munching on French fries. You're one you know a couple sections over and I get to bring you know my friends into your creation and those containers.

Lunden Souza: 36:12

And I went to your last one, which was so fun and I knew I couldn't come from the beginning, so I came an hour late but I was like I don't care, I want to be there, I want to be in your space. I know I need that for myself, Didn't make a ton of connections with the people that were there, but for me that wasn't the point. I wanted to show up for me and be in a space of um of that. So you're creating, yeah, what you're creating is impacting my life. So thank you so much. I love that, I'm glad. And then the last thing I know that you're, yeah, I want to honor our time and everything. But yeah, for for women and our heart. What can we do? What? What is the day-to-day things that we can do to love on our heart? I know that, even as a preventative cardiologist expert that you were, you still got the journey that you needed in that. But like, yeah, for all the women listening, what are some things that we can do to love on our heart even more?

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 37:08

I definitely recommend starting your morning with self, and that can look like one minute of silence, that can look like one minute of journaling, that can look like five minutes of a walk. Check in with yourself. Okay, you may say, kirsten, what does that even mean? That could be you physically touching your arm, touching your legs, having a somatic experience with self to say I'm kind of sore today or oh, wow, my leg's moving, I'm a little jittery, maybe I'm anxious.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 37:38

Just try and check in with yourself a little bit every day, because things do compound, right, like they're saying, kind of habits build upon each other and micro things add up to macro things.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 37:48

And check in with yourself on a daily basis, because oftentimes heart attacks are the quote unquote silent killer, right? So how much are we just putting things down right or putting things at the bottom of the list and we keep pushing and pushing and pushing and don't realize that that's contributing to maybe physical manifestations of health or illness? And trying to check in mental, physical or body, mind, soul on a daily basis, whatever that looks like for you and maybe that'll just that kind of routine will happen over time can help you preventatively. Try and figure out okay, what does my body need today. Do I need to do movement? Mentally or physically? Okay, do I need to sleep in longer? Is that for my mental or physical? So kind of having that mindfulness and conscious awareness of self and what you can show up with the world today will make a huge difference for yourself and then who you surround yourself with.

Lunden Souza: 38:46

I love that. You know you're not telling us what to eat or do this. It's like literally a check-in, you know a work-in process. I appreciate that so much. I know that you are newish to Instagram and you weren't on social media a ton, and even if this conversation is where we leave it, wonderful. But is there a place where others can connect with you? Do you want to share any info on that or do we not want to? It's your call, yeah.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 39:15

I'm happy to share. I've been on Instagram one year now just personally as like a fun thing, and I want to get better at it, get more involved. And that is K-T-H-O-R-N underscore is my username and I am really big on LinkedIn. That is my one social media that I do speak very authentically on there, mainly about my professional endeavors and challenges, but I feel like I light very well on there. So those are probably my two places.

Lunden Souza: 39:50

Noted. We'll add those to the description so those listening can connect with you. Thanks, babe, I appreciate you. I'm so glad to know you, I'm so glad we're friends and we connected in this very cool way. And yeah, thanks for agreeing to share your story on the podcast.

Dr. Kirsten Thornhill: 40:07

Oh, thank you. I love that you invited me to share your space.

Lunden Souza: 40:12

Thank you, guys, for listening and we'll see you at the next episode. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Self Love and Sweat, the Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode or were inspired by it or something resonated with you, do me a favor and share this episode with a friend, someone that you think might enjoy this episode as well. That's the ultimate compliment and the best way to make this podcast ripple out into the world of others. And also you can leave us a review up to five stars wherever you're listening to the podcast. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you at the next episode. I appreciate you.