The Goodness Game with Bryan Driscoll

 Bryan Driscoll's Goodness Game stems from a stranger's kindness 20 years ago. Discover how small acts ripple outward, when to set giving boundaries, and how to give sustainably. Learn your helping style, conduct an energy audit, and practice intentional kindness to avoid burnout. This episode is for those who want to help others with longevity and heart. 

🎧 Listen now and take the Goodness Game quiz at: goodnessgame.com

Who is Bryan Driscoll?
Bryan, a first-time author, promotes kindness after a stranger's act 20 years ago. This fueled his Goodness Game. Pittsburgh-based, he balances a digital agency, family life with his wife and three sons, and overcoming life's challenges, finding joy in skiing and family time.

Connect with Bryan:
TikTok: @goodnessgame
IG: @thegoodnessgame
YouTube: /thegoodnessgame
Facebook: /thegoodnessgame

Timestamps to help you navigate this episode
0:00 Intro
0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
2:05 From Pittsburgh to Orlando: A Leap of Faith
11:35 Learning to Fall and Get Back Up
12:22 Everyday Kindness: Simple Ways to Make a Difference
23:28 The Goodness Game: Choosing Kindness Even When You Want to Quit
31:43 Understanding Your Capacity to Give

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
• 2:05 From Pittsburgh to Orlando: A Leap of Faith
• 11:35 Learning to Fall and Get Back Up
• 12:22 Everyday Kindness: Simple Ways to Make a Difference
• 23:28 The Goodness Game: Choosing Kindness Even When You Want to Quit
• 31:43 Understanding Your Capacity to Give

Transcript

Lunden Souza: 0:00

Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the place where you'll get inspired to live your life unapologetically, embrace your perfect imperfections and do what sets your soul on fire. I'm your host, Lunden Souza. Hey, before we jump into this episode, I just want to make sure that you get all the free things possible, if you haven't already. You need to get your self-love and sweat free monthly life coaching calendar. Honestly, the way to experience deep change in your life is by doing small, little things over time, and so that's what you'll find in this free calendar. You can get it by going to lifelikelunden calendar. Get yours for free and let's get into today's episode. Happy today and welcome back to the .

Lunden Souza: 1:03

Today we have Bryan Driscoll as our guest. And Bryan. 20 years ago, a stranger picked him up off the street when he had nowhere else to go, and this small act sparked a desire to pay it forward, leading to the goodness game. Bryan currently lives in Pittsburgh with his amazing wife and three sons. He runs a successful digital marketing agency and his biggest strength is getting up when life punches him in the face and it's punched him a few times, though he might not have deserved them. When he's not working. He enjoys skiing with his sons and spending time with his family. So grateful to have you here today, Bryan. Welcome to the podcast.

Bryan Driscoll: 1:49

Hey, thanks for having me.

Lunden Souza: 1:53

Yeah, when we first planned to do this episode and knowing that, yeah, you're all about goodness and kindness and these small acts here, and then when I read through more about you, I know there was a big moment in your life or a seemingly small moment that made a big impact in your life, and I think we've yeah, a lot of people listening for sure have been punched in the face, and it's not always easy to get back up and turn things around. So I kind of want to start there. What was that moment like? When you had nowhere else to go and somebody extended a small big act of kindness your way? What happened?

Bryan Driscoll: 2:34

Yeah, it was kind of crazy. So whenever it happened it just seemed like something normal to me. I was going to sleep I can tell you the story in a sec. But I was going to sleep at a Greyhound station, I had nowhere to go and some lady just picked me up and gave me a place to stay. I'm young, I'm like, okay, well, this is cool, this is nice. Not realizing people don't do that. You know what I mean. That's a really odd thing for someone to do. So I had an angel looking out for me or something there.

Lunden Souza: 3:03

Yeah, yeah, a Greyhound bus station. And you said how old were you?

Bryan Driscoll: 3:07

I was right about 18.

Lunden Souza: 3:10

Got it. And how did you get to the Greyhound bus station? Like what led up to that moment.

Bryan Driscoll: 3:15

Yeah, so what happened was I was pissed at my parents, right. So I used to get in trouble when I was younger and I'm like you know what I I'm like you know what. I was pissed I don't even remember what for. So I was in Pittsburgh, where I live, and I just went down to the Greyhound in Pittsburgh and I'm like, hey, you know what, I'm taking the next bus that's leaving. So it was going to Orlando, florida. So I hopped on the bus, had like maybe 250 bucks, had some boxes and like a duffel bag, no plan, but it was just like literally next where I was, next place was leaving or next, uh place the bus was going.

Bryan Driscoll: 3:44

So like 24 hours later, like greyhounds they don't go in a straight shot, you're like city to city, you're meeting all kinds of characters. So it was almost like a 24-hour ride. And I got to orlando. So on the last stretch I was talking to the cut, this couple. They're like, hey, where are you going? Like, what are you doing after? And this is before cell phones, before ubers I said I don't really know, I'm kind of winging it. So they took me back to their place and, uh, we pulled out the yellow pages, called around and found a hotel.

Bryan Driscoll: 4:10

It was 25 bucks a night so this yellow pages, yeah, like literally in the day it was like, like my kids aren't even gonna know what a yellow page they don't even. There was a. There was a wall phone with a rotary on it.

Lunden Souza: 4:23

Right yeah.

Bryan Driscoll: 4:25

Yeah, so yeah, my kids are no one's going to know. They're like what? There's a phone on the wall, you know. But so we call around. I got a hotel. It was a day's end for 25 bucks. So I'm like, all right, I got a little bit of money, I got a place to stay now and I hung out and then tried to figure out, okay, what's next. So my idea was I'm going to just go get a job and I'm moving to Florida, I'm just staying here. So I go to a Publix. It was a grocery store.

Lunden Souza: 4:51

And.

Bryan Driscoll: 4:51

I'm like, hey, I want to get a job and realized it's really hard to get a job if you don't have an address and a phone number. So it's like you don't think about it. Especially people that are homeless too. Everyone's like why don't they go get a job? It's not that easy because, like, how do you even get the application? How do you fill out the application? So I was there. I'm like, okay, I'm going to talk myself into getting a job. So I talked to the manager. I'm like, hey, I'm a hard worker, here's what I can do. And he's like, even if I could, you're not going to get paid for like two, three weeks. That's not how jobs work. You work and you get paid in arrears. So I'm like, okay, crap, I got a problem.

Bryan Driscoll: 5:28

So I was starting to run out of money and I found a place they have these places in Florida. It's called a job labor pool where you go and you just show up and you work for the day. So I went, signed up there. It's like you make 25 bucks a day and you get paid at the end of the day and you stand there, guys pull up and pick up trucks and like, hey, we need laborers. We'll take five guys. So I'm doing that and I'm like, okay, I'm making money at least to pay the hotel. I got a job. We are carrying scaffolding. So the guy comes, picks us up, takes us. It was super, super hot and we're carrying scaffolding. They were building like this fake tree, like a big tree right. Looking back on it, I'm pretty sure that was the animal kingdom when they were building it.

Lunden Souza: 6:08

Oh, okay, in Orlando yeah.

Bryan Driscoll: 6:10

Yeah, which is cool. But I'm just doing that and it's like blistering hot and I'm getting paid, but the problem is I don't have any money for food. So I got to thinking I'm like you know what? I was in a Greyhound station. They're open 24 hours a day. I'm going to go there and crash for the night because I don't have enough for the hotel and I figured that would buy me some extra money. So then tomorrow I could go back to the hotel and eat and everything.

Bryan Driscoll: 6:34

So I'm walking to the Greyhound station with my duffel bag and everything and some lady pulls up beside me just out of the blue. She had an old you remember what the geo trackers are Like those old, real small black Jeep looking things Okay, yes, yes, yeah. So she pulls up and she has her adult son in the car. She looks over and she's like hey, it doesn't look like you belong here. Where are you going? And I told her and I don't remember really what we talked about but she took me back to her house me back to her house it was like an hour away from Orlando gave me a place to stay, put me up for a couple of nights, fed me and then spotted me some money and helped me get a job. It spotted me some money for a different hotel, right. So it's like that's kind of where it triggered, and I'm young at the time, I'm thinking there's no big deal. I'm like, well, this is pretty nice. Some lady picked me up Me.

Lunden Souza: 7:23

Now, looking backwards, it's like people don't do that, like it's not a normal thing and it's like Well, yeah, and the safety of inviting a stranger in your home and the just like you said. It was kind of like oh cool, nice lady.

Bryan Driscoll: 7:37

Looking back now you're probably like are you still friends with this lady, like, is she in your life? No see, that's the thing. So what happened was I came back to Pittsburgh, started doing whatever like 18 to 21 year olds do drinking, all that kind of stuff and just got back to life. She spotted me 300 bucks right For the hotel, which the deal was I'm going to pay her back. Time went on. I don't have her contact info and I owe her 300 bucks still, that's. And I saw the movie Pay it Forward and that's kind of what like kind of trickled. It's like okay, I can't pay her back, I feel guilty about that, but maybe I can start helping other people with like kind of make myself not feel as bad and like pay it forward, you know. So I still don't know who she is. I don't have any way to contact her. Oh my gosh.

Lunden Souza: 8:25

I hope that she's listening. If this woman is listening, or find her, you know someone's listening, who knows someone, who knows someone that knows this story? I would love for that to come to fruition. But that's so incredible and so the movie Pay it Forward that something just clicked inside of you. That's like wait, if I can't pay this person back, let me go out and help others inspire. What did you do? What was your first? Did you go and give somebody the $300? Did you just start being kinder, like where did you start when that switch happened? What did Bryan go and do?

Bryan Driscoll: 8:55

I just started keeping my eyes open, so it wasn't anything intentional. It's basically like keep your eyes open. I didn't go looking for people that needed help, but when things came across, I said yes, so that's just kind of what I did. I'm like, keep your eyes open. I didn't go looking for people that needed help, Right, but when things came across, I said yes, so that's kind of just kind of what I did. I'm like you know what this is going to be my my thing now. I can't pay her back. Um, when things pop up, I'm going to help them out, you know.

Lunden Souza: 9:18

Yeah, and I I was mentioning to you, um, before we pressed record on this podcast, I did an episode a while back on random acts of kindness and I just reached out to listeners and people on Instagram and was just like, hey, if you have a story where somebody just was kind to you for no reason or whatever, tell me about it. And yeah, it was the smallest things, right, like one of them was a girl who I think was at Home Depot and she was by herself getting stuff and some guy came out and just helped her carry everything and load it into her car and get that all taken care of and unload it where she was going. Another one was a guy that he was mowing his lawn on the mower and a couple came up to him and just stopped him and they're like you take such good care of your lawn and we just see you showing up and you look so good on you. Great, we just wanted to tell you how awesome you are. And then he even said he kind of looked away and then looked back and like where did these people go? You know, it was like that moment and it was like the littlest things of just like help and support and affirmation and just being able to say, hey, you're doing a good job, like you're enough, like what you're doing now is great.

Lunden Souza: 10:40

And I loved that episode and I loved listening to all those videos and recordings that they sent in, because it's a reminder that we don't have to take hours out of our schedule to volunteer not that you don't need to and you can, and you can spend your whole weeks and all your hours in service, whatever, but it sometimes is just those quick moments. You know that we can just, like you said, keep our eyes open and notice when someone needs maybe the door opened for them or they might be carrying something that you could support with or a genuine compliment. You know, I think and maybe you know, you notice this too it's like people are so tunnel visioned into their own life and their own to-dos and all the things they need to get done, and not to discount it, because we all have a lot going on, and I know every one of our listeners has a lot going on, but those opportunities to keep our eyes open are just so important to being human, don't you think?

Bryan Driscoll: 11:42

I do and it's funny too, like you're saying this small things, like, like the guy cutting the grass, it's like those people probably didn't think they're helping him out, but on that day people like like if you get a compliment on a day, that's like a crappy day Sometimes. That's what makes a difference, and the people doing it don't even realize they're just being nice people and it's like really the small things that can truly help the trajectory of someone else.

Lunden Souza: 12:05

And I know in your bio it talked about how you're no stranger to getting knocked down by life and picking yourself back up when life does its life thing which, yeah, seems like you've experienced a lot of how do you still come back and then keep paying it forward and keep sharing your kindness? And what have been some of those moments where you've got knocked down and got back up and then still decided that goodness was going to be your game?

Bryan Driscoll: 12:38

Yeah. So yeah, I've had like, just like everybody, I've had some tough things happen and it's like sometimes you just want to quit. You're like you know what this just freaking sucks. It's like you keep doing things over and over and it's like you just can't get ahead. I came up with a phrase I always just tell myself just try one more time. Just like, okay, I don't have to do a whole bunch of stuff. All I got to do is get back up.

Bryan Driscoll: 13:03

Once you actually down in Florida too, with a, with a guy who turned out to be like not a non-ethical and like ripping people off, and I lost all my cash. It's like, okay, that's one thing. It's like it stings. Learn your lesson. Like every time you fail, I think it's great. I actually kind of I don't like failing, but it's like a great learning experience, as long as you only do it once. It's like you learn to do that. Learn something from it. Then you still get it. But then I would just try to just get back up. I had problems before. I got too excited about work. I work a lot and didn't sleep and it kind of broke my brain. It's like, okay, you have some issues there, but then you learn it's like, okay, you've got to regulate your health, you got to regulate your sleep, things like that. And if you learn from it, do the mistake once you're good and then hopefully you don't make it again.

Lunden Souza: 13:55

Yeah, yeah. That doing all the things until you realize you're maxed out is something I hear a lot from the clients that I work with. It's like we have these big, ambitious goals and we want to serve with excellence and we love to work and are purpose-driven. But then figuring out the gas and the brakes right we can't be all gas all the time. Sometimes we have to pump the brakes there and I'll push back a little bit kindly, because sometimes it takes more times than just once. Sometimes you relearn the same lesson in a lot of different forms and a lot of different ways until you finally surrender to like, okay, wait, actually. No. My mentor often says if you got an issue issue and you have to point the finger back at yourself and like, okay, where do I need to pivot or make adjustments so that I don't find myself getting knocked down by the same thing over and over again. In your life experience, has it been where you just failed and figured it out and then moved forward, or was there any hiccups in that journey?

Bryan Driscoll: 14:55

No, there's always hiccups. So me telling myself, just try one more time. It's kind of like tricking my brain. So say, for example, in business I probably failed like 100 times. I don't know. I failed a lot of times and so every time I failed it's like okay, just try one more time. So it's kind of like me tricking, it's like I don't have to.

Bryan Driscoll: 15:10

Before I figured out how to succeed in business. It's not like I had to go figure out how to do all this stuff. It's like, okay, it made it easier for me to manage. But like, let me just try one more thing and see if I can get back up, try it again once. And then I get kicked back down again. But instead of me thinking, oh boy, I got to try 50 new things, this is going to take me five years, in my head I'm like, okay, I just got to get back up and try one more thing and it's just a cycle. So you're right, sometimes I get punched like 100 times In business. It took me so long to figure out how to do that, like how to be in business and like work for myself. But then I figured it out eventually. If you don't quit, you know. So it's basically you just keep trying until you figure it out.

Lunden Souza: 15:50

Yeah, you'll figure it out eventually if you don't quit.

Bryan Driscoll: 15:53

Right.

Lunden Souza: 15:54

And I think that's what happens is a lot of people give up too soon, or those blows and punches yeah, we're not able to bounce back from them. That's why I think community is so important Podcasts, just all the things that could help us have a little umph and drive to like what happens if I get back up, what happens when I don't stay down, what happens when I choose a little bit more of that victor over the victim and just push a little bit further. I always am inspired Well, yeah, I'm definitely inspired by the history of myself, of the moments I've pushed through, and I think there's nothing more powerful than like I've done that before so I can do it again. But I also love hearing other people's stories of just like that hard moment and I still did it anyway and I think if that can move the needle just a little bit or turn the knob towards trying one more time, that could be the time that could be that game changer moment. Yeah.

Bryan Driscoll: 17:01

Yeah, if you keep trying, you're going to figure it out eventually. Or you're going to die Like you'll figure it out, or you're going to get too old. But if you keep trying for like life, you're going to figure out what you're trying to do.

Lunden Souza: 17:11

Yes, um, I know that you're a father and a husband and, um, especially when I'm thinking about how are your, are your sons, teenagers?

Bryan Driscoll: 17:22

Yeah, so I have a 13 year old-old, 10-year-old and a 9-year-old? Okay, yeah.

Lunden Souza: 17:27

And, yeah, I mean Times are always changing but, like you said, back in the day you were no phone or you had to do the dial, the circular phone or the ones where you dial the numbers or whatever call, collect all the things. Now it's so different for kids where you have so many ways to be so connected to our own world and our friends and our things and whatever. So how do you parent and foster, let's say, that culture within your family of giving back and I know we have a lot of parents listening and sometimes kids just want to be on their video games or be with their friends or not open up their eyes to the possibility of that. How do you parent kids that want to pursue kindness and goodness and give back? Is that something that you yeah, what's that like in your family? How do we support this generation to like get off their iPhone and get into, like, the human world of engaging with people?

Bryan Driscoll: 18:33

Yeah, that's a good question. So you're right, because even my kids, they always want to be on tech, even like adults. Everyone's on their phone these days. So I do a couple of different things. We have them do chores every week, right, and they get an allowance. And I got them a bank. It's actually one of the Dave Ramsey banks that has three different we love Dave Ramsey, cool yeah.

Bryan Driscoll: 18:51

I like his stuff, so he has the spend. It's kind of like the adult version that he has also. But in the bank the triangle has three sections One spend, one give and one save. So it's like, okay, say you get five bucks, or say 10 bucks for an even number, say they get $10 for something, $8 goes in your spend, $1 goes in your give, $1 goes in your save. So they see that and it's not that much money going in every time.

Bryan Driscoll: 19:17

But eventually I remember, like my sons, they had like 10 bucks in the give and what I did was there's a place down the street from me. It's called Shim and they deal with it. It's like a food pantry. So instead of just donating the money, I took them in to physically hand the people the money. And then they got to see what's happening and the people in the place too explained to them.

Bryan Driscoll: 19:36

They're like which I didn't even know. They said it's nice when people donate money for us versus things, because they say we can buy five things of peanut butter for the same price you can get at one at the store, because they buy from the food bank and stuff. So. But the kids got to see that Same thing, like they just got to see that same thing, like they just and I think it's important just how you live, because your kids you're not even teaching them really, they're just seeing what you do. So it's like if you're going to a football game and there's a homeless person, they see you give money to that person or they see you being kind to people. They just learn because they're mimicking what you do. So some's intentional, some's not intentional, just byproduct.

Lunden Souza: 20:16

Yeah, and at the same time they're learning valuable financial skills that will carry them into the rest of their life. And yeah, you're right, I um, you do. Just see what your parents do. And we can't just tell I'm not a parent, but I'm an, I'm an aunt and I work with a lot of kids. It's like you can't just tell I'm not a parent, but I'm an aunt and I work with a lot of kids. It's like you can't just tell them what to do. You have to be that and demonstrate that and show that.

Lunden Souza: 20:44

And yeah, it just made me think of my own parents. My mom's a hairstylist and she would go and donate her time to cut hair at the homeless shelter. Or, like my dad oh my gosh, probably more times than I can count on both hands He'll spot someone like a homeless guy outside of a restaurant and go in and he'll always say like I'm not going to give you money, but I'm going to buy you a meal, and he'll go and get them whatever they wanted, but not for any recognition or reward, just because that's the heart of who they are. And I think, yeah, it's those little moments, those little things that then kids and the younger generation start to see, and I also love that you guys went to the place and gave them the money right, because a lot of people have a lot of money right and it's easy just to write checks and give and not to discount. That I know it's really important, but don't you think there's something about getting your hands dirty a little bit outside of just sending the money a bit?

Bryan Driscoll: 21:42

Yeah, I do, especially with the kids too, because kids at least my kids are so used to being instant gratification in front of computers, things like that. It's like they can hear that there's people out there in the world that have problems. But when you go and you see a place that looks like a grocery store that people go to cause they can't afford food, they see that and it's different. It's real, you know, versus just hearing about it. You can tell kids stuff you don't know what's in their head, what they're imagining when you're saying it, but when you take them somewhere, they can actually see it and I think that kind of connects more.

Lunden Souza: 22:22

Yeah, yeah, because you're like you said, you're on screens or you see this world or you get to be kind of wherever you want in your zone. But there's a lot going on in the world that unless we go out and see it and witness it, it's easy just to kind of dismiss or just kind of get back to your own bubble. And I know that you've, yeah, the goodness game and you're a first time author and all the things. Tell us about your mission and journey. Now. I know you want to bring goodness and kindness to the world. What's your big, audacious goal when it comes to this? What mark do you want to leave in the world? In the same way that that woman did that day. I just think that's so wild. Just pulling over, come on, get in. It's like that is, like you said, an angel moment. I just think that is so that.

Lunden Souza: 23:18

But what's your? I don't know how old you are now you don't have to say that, but you did mention death and I'm super motivated by death. I have a sign on my fridge that says you're going to die. No one cares. It's time, let's go. So I feel very motivated by the fact that this life is temporary and I don't want to play small and I don't want to have a list of. I wish I would have you know at the end of my life Um, so what? What's your goal and mission? Um, now and moving forward.

Bryan Driscoll: 23:47

Yeah, sure. So I'm 44,. I'm turning 45 in like two weeks from now, so happy birthday, yeah. So I would like my goal. So that lady helped me at first I saw, okay, something she did made an impact in my life. So I got to thinking.

Bryan Driscoll: 24:00

I'm like I wonder if, because everybody says small acts make a big difference, right, but it's like and I'm skeptical a lot too Like, with all the media and stuff, I'm like I don't know what. I believe you got to prove it right. So it Right. So, to answer your question, my goal is to prove to people that you can do small, excuse me, you can do small things and they do make a big difference in the world. Right, you don't have to do like big, grandiose things. I think it's really small things in the world that make a difference, and that's why I put the goodness game together.

Bryan Driscoll: 24:28

I'm like how do you promote kindness? Because, like your dad and you were saying too, they just do it to be kind. Like it's not, it's kind of cringy to go out and talk about being nice If you're talking about yourself, right, it's like you don't go make social media posts saying, hey, look at me, look at the good stuff I do, maybe you can do it. So I was thinking for like 10 years probably, like how do I do this and make it socially acceptable? Well, games are acceptable, you know. So it's like, okay, we can do the guidelines here. It's not about hey, look at what each person does. It's it's kind of like a framework, kind of like um, what was that? There was a game that people had a 75 hard for lifting and like working out.

Lunden Souza: 25:11

Oh, and they had to work out twice a day and he drank a gallon of water and do a million burpees.

Bryan Driscoll: 25:15

Right.

Lunden Souza: 25:16

Yeah.

Bryan Driscoll: 25:17

So that's kind of what I was thinking. I'm like you know what? So they made that into a game and people can get behind it, because it's like. It's like a game of life. It's not like a game you win or lose, you just get to win because you're doing good things, you know. So that's kind of what I was thinking on this side of the goodness game. I'm like if we can put something together there that inspires people to open up their eyes, be kind to people and also show you don't have to go start a nonprofit, you don't have to go and donate millions of dollars.

Lunden Souza: 25:48

That's where the goodness game came from. That's what it's about, yeah, yeah. So can you explain a little bit about the game and like what, what it entails? I mean, I want everyone to do it, I'm going to get mine too. So can you explain a little bit about the game and like what, what it entails? I mean I want everyone to do it, I'm going to get mine too. So I want to know, kind of what, what is it about? How many people do you need? Like, are you going out and doing things, or are you just talking about them, or what's the? What's the gist?

Bryan Driscoll: 26:08

Yeah, sure. So here's the framework. I break it into five roles, right? So have you ever seen fight club?

Lunden Souza: 26:13

Yes.

Bryan Driscoll: 26:14

Okay, so I was thinking fight club. The role of fight club is you don't talk about fight club. Yeah, I was thinking in this game it's like the first rule is give without remembering. So rule number one is we're not bragging other people, we're doing things. There's a couple of different ways to do it Like. Number one is you can do something and help somebody else and nobody even knows, not even the person that got helped. It's like totally pure kindness. The second way is you're helping someone and the recipient knows. The third way is you know and other people know the only way you can do. The third way is if you're inspiring them to play the game. So, for example, your neighbor was in a car accident or something and you want to rally the neighborhood to make dinner and for them like split it up, like that's the way you can involve other people by inspiring them, and like trying to involve them in the game. We don't do anything like posting on social media and stuff like hey, look at what I did, stuff like that. It's like that's the first rule is you just do it to be kind. We're not bragging.

Bryan Driscoll: 27:12

Right, I'm a helper by nature. I'm just like. It's just like I'm. I'm built for it. I feel bad and I like try to help people and I found sometimes I'd get into situations that I'd actually be putting myself in a worse situation, like, say, back in the day, um, I'd I'd get involved with like, say, I don't know cutting grass or something Like. I found that there's like different ways that you can help people. You can help people by sweat, like doing things. You help people. You can help people by sweat, like doing things. You can help people financially and you can help people like be an empathy, like being there for them. And I started to look, I'm like some of these things that I do, I'm like freaking, drained at the end of the day, but then there's other things I do that I'm pumped, like I could just do it forever.

Bryan Driscoll: 28:00

So and I started thinking about that and I think everybody's built for something and I'm not built for what you're built for. Everyone just likes doing different things, like some people like cleaning the house I hate cleaning the house, you know, and so and so I started thinking it's like okay, how do we explain to people? How do you find out what your style is? So in business, I do something that's called an energy audit, where you take a piece of paper, draw a line down the center and on one side of the paper you say what gives you energy. One side, what takes your energy away? And you write down everything you do for a week and at the end of the week the stuff that takes your energy away is stuff you should delegate, like in business, right? So I thought about that on. I got that from a book called Buy Back your Time by Dan Martell. I got that from a book called Buy Back your Time by Dan Martell.

Bryan Driscoll: 28:44

But I started thinking about that. I'm like, okay, that works in business. How about in your life? You're not really delegating it. But if we're thinking about helping people, why don't we class different things into different columns too and see okay, what do I really, what gives me energy also that I can do a lot of, and what drains my energy? So I can intentionally think when something pops up, you know what that's going to take a lot of energy for me and I can make a decision. It's like you know what I can do it and I'm worth it, and I'm aware it might burn me out, or I know that, hey, you know what I can't do, that long term. I can't commit to it. And you got to set your boundaries. Make sense, yeah.

Lunden Souza: 29:20

Yeah, totally. It reminds me of a quote that I heard from well, she said it one time Chalene Johnson, who I love. She's just someone I follow on Instagram, but she said just because I know how to do it or I can doesn't mean that I have to, and especially with yeah, when you want to give and you want to serve. It also makes me think of too chronic givers, right, of people who just give, give, give, give, give and have no energy left in their tank. And it's not coming from a place of like the goodness game route let's say it like that or that mission. It's coming from like just trying to do all the things for other people, right, and so I think kind of of both, of like that delegation and not needing to give.

Lunden Souza: 30:03

Yeah, giving is great, but when you give all of yourself and there's nothing left for the people that you love or, like you said, your energy is drained because of it. Maybe shift. It's kind of like the love languages. It's like what's your give language and what's going to help you. I always feel like giving, you should be also receiving, right. If you're giving too much and you're not receiving, you're going to feel maxed out and so, like you said, figuring out ways that you feel charged up from giving, because we're all different in this world, so somebody else is going to feel charged up from giving in the way that you feel drained when you give. So you don't have to do all of it, right, but I know noticing when it's when it's too much right and it's giving too much of yourself.

Bryan Driscoll: 30:44

Yeah, and you know what, it's funny too. So what I did was on the on the giving. It's funny. You said that your mom went and cuts hair for the homeless. Because what I did?

Bryan Driscoll: 30:51

I put a quiz together. I'm like, okay, how can people find out what their helping style is? So I put a quiz together. I have friends that go downtown every Sunday and they round up people and they feed like 150 homeless every week all the time and I thought about their organization. I'm like, okay, what are all the things that go into what they need to do? Like they have to round people up, they have to buy food, they have to do this.

Bryan Driscoll: 31:13

So I came up with like 20 different things. One of them is going down and cutting hair, like one of the helping styles that you can select on the quiz. But you take the quiz and it tells you, okay, you might be a financial helper or an empathetic helper or a sweat helper, and you can kind of see, okay, and most people are more than one. But you can kind of see, okay, you select from what this organization does the things that you would be drawn to and the things you wouldn't be drawn to, and then it kind of gives you a little indication on what you'd want to do, along with the energy audit, you know.

Lunden Souza: 31:43

Yeah, yeah, I love that. Some good takeaways for those listening to do that energy audit. I've done it before. It's so helpful within your whole life, within your business, within your relationships, like it's so great to have, it's a great conversation starter too with yourself and with others of oh, that gives you energy, oh, that really takes my energy, or vice versa. And then identifying and we'll put a link to that quiz or all the things so that our listeners can participate just to figure out what is my giving style or what do you call it, my giving language, or what is it Helping style, my helping style? Yeah, and I can think of too, right, when you said some of those options, I'm like, okay, I definitely like I'm a doer, right, but I can't do that all the time. I also love the empathetic, energetic space of being able to help. That's the coaching that I do, but there's also a capacity to that too, right, I can only hold space for a certain amount of time, or I only have a certain capacity for that. That maybe has nothing to do with time and it's so I find myself, yeah, knowing when I can give and help, you know, and be that doer, but just enough. And then knowing when I can hold that space and kind of dancing between those helping styles. So I'm excited to learn more about that.

Lunden Souza: 33:12

Because I love technology, I love podcasts I obviously have one. I love social media. It's where I grew my. I mean, I've been on social media since I was 17 and just have been going and growing and all of that. But I tell people this too sometimes I'm like, yeah, I like to go places in person because I like to see legs, because I'm on Zoom and I'm on Riverside and you see torsos all day, and I'm like, yeah, I want to see your legs in real life. And just like, because we're human and we need that connection and we need to, yeah, remind ourselves of that soul connection and those angel moments right, where we could be that in someone else's life or they're that in our life.

Lunden Souza: 33:51

And I just, yeah, for those listening, it's just, we got to get out of the screens and off of you know the yeah, the media and tap into, like, real life, like we're here, we're alive right now and we have a lot of stuff going on in our lives and we pass by people on the street right, like I mean, I could pass by you and I'm not, you know, thinking oh man, this guy at you know 18, had nothing and was on. You know you just pass by people and we're always my friend said this, my friend Kara, she's like. You know it's wild because we're walking around and we're all the main characters of our own lives and we need to remember that everyone else has their. They're the main character of their life too. But if we get too stuck in just our role, our life I'm the main character we miss out on so much that is good about being alive, which is connecting with others.

Bryan Driscoll: 34:49

That's a really good point too, because you figure like you're walking down the road and you say, say, you see someone panhandling. They're the main character of their life. A lot of people just look and ignore and stuff. It's like that's a person who's dealing with stuff. Like in their life and in their head they got real struggles. You know, like everyone has that, and not necessarily that's an extreme too. Everyone in the world's got, everyone in the world's battling something almost all the time. It's big for them, you know big for each other is different for everybody.

Bryan Driscoll: 35:17

You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, so, yeah, okay. So we got the helping style, though, and then some of the helping style. It could be like you got a financial helper, empathetic helper, sweat helper, it's like a, like a collaborator you could be. You could just be the guy. It's like, hey, I got a guy, you're the, just a connector. You know what I mean? Um, and then so rule number three we'll jump to that. Not everybody's your assignment, so it's like you figured out what's your style. Yeah, it connects, right, right.

Lunden Souza: 35:43

I resonate, I'm snapping, that's me clapping.

Bryan Driscoll: 35:48

Yeah. So I've learned sometimes you can't help people or sometimes you're not the person, they're not your assignment to help. So, for example, we'll say somebody comes to me, maybe you have a drug problem or something. I'm not the person to help you because I'm not. I'm not capable. I can actually do more harm. My job is to connect you with somebody. That is or am I enabling? Like it's like you just have to be able to tell is this in your helping style? Can you actually help out? Is it not burning you out? And then be okay, intentionally. It's like you know what. I'm not the person who's assigned to you're not my assignment. You know what I mean. It's like you have to be able to differentiate because, like you were saying before, if you go into helping spree, you get involved in some things you shouldn't be involved with. You have to know and like balance your life.

Lunden Souza: 36:35

Not everybody is my assignment For sure not Impossible, but some I mean I hear that and I know someone listening hears that too and it's like you said, maybe you're the connector, so it's like you can have someone come in and you can't. Not everyone's your assignment, but maybe you know someone or a podcast episode to listen to or a book to read or just any like nugget. That can, um, put them in a different direction. Yeah, not everyone's my assignment. I can think of moments in my life where I definitely thought everyone was my assignment and try to do all the things, especially when I was in the fitness world. I just wanted to help everyone get in. It's like you can't and not everybody's ready for that and not ready for the help and the support sometimes too, and I love that. So those are the four. Can you say the four rules again, or the?

Lunden Souza: 37:31

yeah, remembering give without remembering find your helping style find your helping style.

Bryan Driscoll: 37:36

Not everybody's your assignment. You're right what you just said there too, um, people, some people aren't ready for help. You have to know that, like they want help and you can see that they need help and you're trying to help them, and sometimes you try to help people for your own, like cause. You can see it, it's like dude, I can really help you. All you need to do is X, but they're not ready and you have to be able to take that step back and say, okay, it's not my time right now. You know.

Lunden Souza: 38:03

So huge, yeah, so good. I'm really excited to to get my hands on that game and to share that with with people in my life. It's, um, yeah, I'm excited to know you and excited to know about this. This is really, really cool.

Bryan Driscoll: 38:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fun. So then, okay, so we'll get the roll number. So we have roll number four is create your good notes budget, and roll number fives keep score. So then okay, so we'll get to rule number four. So we have rule number four is create your goodness budget, and rule number five is keep score. So in rule number four, you got to create a budget.

Bryan Driscoll: 38:30

If you're going to help people and not burn out because you can, it's a there's something called like a kindness burnout, like helping burnout. You know what I mean. Like you burn out because you try to help people too much. So if you have a helping style, that's a financial helping style where's the money coming from? Or if you're paying with sweat, like your energy, where's the energy coming from? Or where's the time coming from? So what we're looking at is if you're going to help financially, like I'm a financial helper, I have a couple of helping styles. That's one of them. Every time I get paid, I pull a certain percentage of my money and I put it into a separate bank account. I just call it like the give account, so that now that money is sitting there, when something pops up, I don't have to think about if I can afford it. If the money's there, that's what it's for, I just don't even think about it. So it's like you pre-budget ahead of time.

Bryan Driscoll: 39:18

I used to get involved financially and try to help people out, especially before I had any money, and I'd help them out and then comes the end of the month, I can't make my bills. I'm like I just gave away my money because I felt bad. So you want to be real intentional and budget your money right. Same with your time. It's like okay, if you're going to spend time and energy, where's it coming from?

Bryan Driscoll: 39:37

Are you pulling 30 minutes a day from Netflix? Are you blocking off an hour on Saturday to do Meals on Wheels? It's like you need to think ahead of time. Where is it coming from, especially when you get involved with organizations. It's like if I'm giving you an hour on Saturdays, organizations are always hurting for volunteers, so you have to know ahead of time. These are my boundaries. This is where I can help and know how to say you know what? I only got this hour and a half or hour, whatever I budgeted, and say no and keep in your lane too, so that you can balance your life, because otherwise, like you're saying you're volunteering for 40 hours, burn the candle at both ends and you're like you can't help other people if you're not healthy and have a balance.

Lunden Souza: 40:18

Yes.

Lunden Souza: 40:19

You have to charge yourself up, insert all the quotes, can't pour from an empty cup, but it's like we say that we know that and then a lot of people still do that. So I love that. You, yeah, and especially the financial part. Right, we want to give, but we have to make sure that we're taking care of ourselves first and our needs are met and our safety and security. Or else, like you said, where is that coming from? And I love the idea of having a give account. I'm going to do that. I think I have the account already, but I'm going to call it the give account and start moving money there in that way. That's really powerful. And then, when there's that opportunity to give, you check the account and you decide, okay, can I budget? You know, is there enough money in this account to give in this way? And can I use this for multiple gives or one big give? I think that's yeah.

Lunden Souza: 41:09

There's a book that I love and a man, an author, that I love and know, ken Honda. He has wrote a book called Happy Money. I adore him, he's so great. But he talks about having happy money, of just that money that you can give. Right, it's not happy money if you're giving and you don't have nothing left to pay your bills and all the things. So that made me think of that as just like that happy money, the give account that's just smiling and ready to be a blessing in someone else's life.

Bryan Driscoll: 41:38

Yeah, and it's so cool too, because if you have the money sitting there, there's no emotion or there's no thought in it or anything. It's not like oh you know what, I don't know if I can afford it. And then you got to think it's like if it's over there, there's no thought. It's like as long as you think that that is a worthy cause, that you want to help with the money's there.

Lunden Souza: 41:55

So good, so good. But, yeah, any closing thoughts from your side. Bryan, I'm excited for these five points that you brought up in our discussion today and I'll put all the links for this game and your work in the description. But, yeah, let our listeners know how they can further connect with you or be a part of your mission and movement in this world.

Bryan Driscoll: 42:19

Yeah, sure. So if you want to check out and take the helper's test or do the energy audit, you can check out the website. It's goodnessgamecom. I actually I put the book on. You can get the book on Amazon. If you can't afford the book, I put it on the website for free. You can just download the PDF right on the website.

Bryan Driscoll: 42:36

And the cool thing is too, what I've realized is like you go help on people, you actually get the benefit. Like it's like a byproduct is you get to feel good, you know. So it's like I would say, number one, go out and do something small for somebody. And then, number two, think about the things like you were saying before. Who did something in your life that made a big difference in your life? That was a small thing to them? Maybe let them know too. Sometimes people don't even know they made a big difference. Like hit them up and be like hey, you know what. You did this for me way back in the day. It made a big difference in my life. You probably don't even know that. I just wanted to let you know, you know.

Lunden Souza: 43:10

Yeah, yeah, that's the assignment for today. For sure, Go out and send that message to the person that supported you and just say thanks. That moment that seemed small but just impacted your life in a really powerful way. I don't really usually give homework or assignments on episodes, but I just feel like, for those listening, that's your call to action is just take out that phone, turn off the social media or don't go there, go on to or unless you want to send that person a DM, but like stop scrolling and send that message of gratitude for someone that supported you. And I'll put all those links that you mentioned, Bryan, in the description for you guys so that you can take those quizzes. You can grab the book on Amazon or the free version that Bryan is so graciously given on his website. I appreciate you. Thanks so much for inspiring me today. I feel, yeah, a little bit charged in a new way, Um, and I yeah so glad to have you today, Bryan.

Bryan Driscoll: 44:10

Hey, well, thanks for having me, I appreciate it.

Lunden Souza: 44:12

No problem and see you guys at the next episode. Bye, thank you so much for listening to this episode of Self Love and Sweat, the podcast. If you enjoyed this episode or were inspired by it or something resonated with you, do me a favor and share this episode with a friend, someone that you think might enjoy this episode as well. That's the ultimate compliment and the best way to make this podcast ripple out into the world of others, and also you can leave us a review up to five stars wherever you're listening to the podcast. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you at the next episode. I appreciate you.