Healthy Romantic Relationships with Rachel & Emilio of RelationshipRenegades

Rachel Brooke Smith and Emilio Palafox, founders of Relationship Renegades, share how healing personal wounds and embracing self-love can transform relationships.

In this episode:
 • The impact of surrounding yourself with uplifting people
 • Seeing the wounded inner child behind defensive behaviour
 • Why self-love is key to authentic connection
 • Using Expression Therapy to process emotions
 • Their mission is to make healthy relationships the new media norm

Connect with them on IG: @relationship.renegades @rbrooksmith @emilio_palafox_
Keep an eye out for their upcoming Christmas movie and Rachel’s film Legend of the White Dragon. 

Timestamps to help you navigate this episode
0:00 Intro
0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
9:39 What Relationship Renegades Is All About
27:16 Healing Personal Wounds & Creating Authentic Connection
40:21 Expression Therapy & Working Through Emotional Pain
50:12 Healing Personal Wounds with Forgiveness Practices

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
• 9:39 What Relationship Renegades Is All About
• 27:16 Healing Personal Wounds & Creating Authentic Connection
• 40:21 Expression Therapy & Working Through Emotional Pain
• 50:12 Healing Personal Wounds with Forgiveness Practices

Transcript

Lunden Souza: 0:00

Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the place where you'll get inspired to live your life unapologetically, embrace your perfect imperfections and do what sets your soul on fire. I'm your host, Lunden Souza. Hey, before we jump into this episode, I just want to make sure that you get all the free things possible, if you haven't already. You need to get your self-love and sweat free monthly life coaching calendar. Honestly, the way to experience deep change in your life is by doing small little things over time, and so that's what you'll find in this free calendar. You can get it by going to lifelikelunden. com/calendar forward slash calendar. Get yours for free and let's get into today's episode. Look what time it is.

Emilio Palafox: 1:03

I saw that. I just looked at it, look what time it is.

Lunden Souza: 1:05

I saw that I just looked at it three, three, three. Well, and we were just talking for like this, we were just talking white and white on white we were just all talking for like 15 minutes and then I was like, oh, we need to press record, and so we press record. Three, three, three, hello. Yeah, it is you guys comfortable, yeah however, you want to be what do you think of the camera angle? Should I adjust?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:24

it a little bit. I normally like to sit on Rachel. Yeah, we normally like this. That's okay, this feels perfect. We like to do podcasts? Yeah, I like that.

Lunden Souza: 1:31

Wait, that's what you guys are doing.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:35

Why don't I scoot this actually, just like this? I'm going to scoot For sure. There, that feels a little better right. Got to get my hair right.

Emilio Palafox: 1:44

You know what I mean yeah.

Lunden Souza: 1:47

Then it just feels a little bit more. Welcome to the table, neighbors.

Emilio Palafox: 1:51

Yeah.

Lunden Souza: 1:52

I'm so excited too. We were just for those listening. I wish we would have pressed record on the last 15 minutes, but it's always nice to catch up with you guys on or off the mic, and I know that all of us are out in the world creating, doing our thing, and so sometimes it does work out when we can best record your hand.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 2:09

That's a ring, that's a ring.

Emilio Palafox: 2:12

It's fine, it's with us.

Lunden Souza: 2:14

But I feel like, yeah, it's nice when we can collab on and off the mic, because I just love what you guys are doing and all the things and we love you I love you too.

Emilio Palafox: 2:23

I know I feel like it's been too long. You're such an incredible spirit and energy and I'm like gosh. Why aren't we like hanging out more often? But, it's like out of all the people that you want to like surround yourself, just like with good energy and good vibes and high vibrations, and just like loving and supporting each other. You know what I mean. Like we're always, like making sure that we're always surrounding ourselves with people like that right and like you definitely embody that.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 2:44

So here we are yeah.

Lunden Souza: 2:47

I appreciate you guys. Um, we're neighbors. We met in such a cool way, um, and I know those listening are so excited to get to know you, and I know I feel like the last time we were together was our friends Miss. Yeah, our friends miss, and this is what I, yeah, we did friends miss. And then to speaking what you said about, like energetics, we met like a lot of your friends and a lot of the people that are in your circle. And then I was at my other friend, elisa, who's been on the podcast. I was at her birthday and two people came up to me and they were like we know, you like where have we seen you?

Lunden Souza: 3:27

And I was like, oh, I don't know. And then in a split second moment I go oh, do you guys know Rachel and Emilio? Cause, it's just like their vibe. I have to know you guys, and he goes. Yeah, I was at friends, miss, I was the sloth. Oh my God.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 3:40

The sloth.

Lunden Souza: 3:49

Oh, oh, the slot, oh yeah, uh, brie and um her. Oh my gosh, I'm like yeah, yeah no, no, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, okay yeah anyways, it was so funny because, to the point of like, just wanting to surround yourself with people that um vibrate in a way that just helps you feel alive and engaged and showing up even when it's hard, um, I felt that from them and they were like how'd you know?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 4:07

and I was like I don't know, I just kind of knew, and then I was like are you from California?

Lunden Souza: 4:11

and they said no, and kind of told me where they were from. But I was there, like why did you say that they were kind? Of yeah just something about the way you kind of walked up and showed up.

Lunden Souza: 4:20

I just figured I meant, you know, because don't I have my close friends and people that I connect with and I know that I don't see you guys a ton, but I'd probably make more time to do the things that we do than I do with other people like you, Bryson, like some of the neighbors and stuff.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 4:32

So I just feel like, yeah, that connection is super cool and I love well and I'm so grateful for you because so, when we moved to Utah, it was way harder for me than I thought it was going to be.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 4:43

It was like way more of an adjustment and I remember the first time we met our friends and had invited us to one of your events, and it was one of those times when I was like I don't want to go because I was not feeling great about myself. I just was kind of in not a great state, but I had this feeling like you need to go, like you need to get yourself out of the house, you need to go meet people and you need to go. And it was like a far drive and I remember the whole time being like, even when we got there, right before I went into the bathroom and I cried because I was just like god, I, what is this? I just have such deep sadness and I was going through such a hard time and I just felt like no part of me wanted to meet anyone. At the same time, all I wanted to do was meet new people.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 5:23

you know it's like those parts of us that are like, yeah, so anyways. When I but I was like, okay, god, I surrender, like I'm just gonna show up and I'm, I'm just here, I'm just here, whatever happens, I'm just here, and at that event, meeting you and several people there, it was like, oh, there are really cool people here.

Lunden Souza: 5:40

I had created this story that it just there was.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 5:41

I wasn't gonna find cool people here because I had created this story that it just there was. I wasn't going to find cool people here like I did in LA, and your energy was just this light energy. It was like that's the energy, like that you know, like that's that's anyway. So it was just such a beautiful and that that event, the meditation we did, the people I met it was such a significant, pivotal moment on my journey of transition here. So thank you.

Lunden Souza: 6:06

I love the way we met and I love that moment and I think we both chose where we live because we have this, this lake.

Lunden Souza: 6:12

it's manmade and it's beautiful and we love where it is but we both were like if we're not going to be next to the water in SoCal, they need to be like near water where we can like stand up paddleboard and the interesting part about that for those listening. So we met at our dinner on purpose event in Provo, utah, which is about 40 ish minutes from where we even live, right, don't know each other. Come as strangers, leave as friends is what we say for dinner on purpose and we connect and then realize that you live like a five minute walk from where I live. So yesterday Haley, my partner, with dinner on purpose, right. So yesterday we went out into the this field by her house and we did a walking meditation and afterwards I was just like, oh my gosh, when I was doing that walking meditation I just felt so much gratitude for all the puzzle pieces that got me to her because I went to a Dr Joe retreat.

Lunden Souza: 7:04

I met Kevin. Kevin introduced me to Haley. Haley was living in Denver. Now Haley moved to Utah. We're close. Then me and Haley and Kevin do dinner on purpose. Then I met you guys right To just continue what happened and what I thought about in the meditation yesterday.

Lunden Souza: 7:17

I just I, I fucking love that about life and then we were talking so much before the mic about death and our thoughts about death and being in that like limited present timeframe of like we have shit to do and we're all you know. I just felt like in that moment and just sitting here to making you know even more threads of connections and when you zoom out on that, that is like so cool. So in all the moments of where it's hard and you're crying, in the bathroom. It's like you can look back later and be like okay, yeah, I needed that.

Lunden Souza: 7:47

It was worth that cry session to meet you and I. I remember just it was our first one. Are people going to come? Is it going to be cool? Like is the meditation going to be weird? Are they going to like Dr Joe's voice?

Lunden Souza: 8:04

all the things that come up when you're creating anything, all the things, yeah, yeah, uh, rachel and amelia, you guys are both. This is my interpretation of how I would intro you. I didn't plan an intro. You guys are both creators in this world. Um, you both have an incredible journey and story, individually and collectively, and I love hearing bits and pieces about it when I can. You guys are actors and have made movies together and done, you know, stuff on camera separately and together and do fun stuff. And then you have Relationship Renegades, which is your company about relationships and the dynamics of individual and collective healing, feeling and living life in a happy, right relationship. Right, yeah, that's what I would say. But what would you add? And, and let's, yeah, wherever one of those avenues you feel like we want to discuss first? I feel like there's so many, so many topics.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 9:02

No, I think you did a great job of a very organic intro about us. I love that you started with. You. Guys are both creators.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 9:09

In my opinion, I feel like we're all creators. I think one of my and our missions is to help people wake up to that fact of the power that we all have to literally create whatever kind of life we want. Literally create whatever kind of life we want. And I think it's when we fall into the victim mindset of oh, somebody's there to come save me, or I don't have the power of choice, or I'm stuck or I'm limited that's when havoc can re-run your life.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 9:35

So I think, um, you know, a big part of both my journey, his journey and relationship renegades together was to help empower people, to remind them that you can create the love and lifestyle that you've always wanted and that it is possible, and that a lot of times, the contrast that you go through in life and in relationships is one of the best gifts.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 9:55

Like all of our really unhealthy, toxic relationships that we went through before meeting each other allowed us to have these superpowers now that enable us to have such deep appreciation for each other and every little, small and big thing. That, at least for me, I don't think I would have that deep appreciation, like the deep, the procedure that makes me like cry every day and helps us navigate even the hardest of times together because you know the opposite really well, um, and you have enough pain around old habits, old patterns and things. You have a breakthrough that you're. Not even the pain like catapults you to choose the opposite, to choose a different choice, to make the brave choice, sometimes the harder choice, to have the hard, brave conversations. That is the way to having healthy relationships.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 10:45

So I know it's a little bit about what I think, but I'm sorry about that. I love that you talked about.

Emilio Palafox: 10:50

You know when you were talking about, like being creative, a love and lifestyle you've always wanted. When I think about you know, everyone's living a different lifestyle out there and you know, when you're like oh, I met this person that led me to this, which led me to that, and then all this like serendipity happening Right, and I think there's times where, when you're like tapped in and aligned and like present and grounded, and like and living in your purpose.

Emilio Palafox: 11:19

You don't have to necessarily live in your purpose. Let's just call it a line that those things start to happen a whole lot more Right and necessarily been a purpose. Let's just call it a line that those things start to happen a whole lot more right and so, like you can create a heaven on earth experience for yourself, but then you can also create a hell on earth experience for you as well, and, uh, I certainly created. I mean, I feel like life's just a roller coaster and I do my best to like, continue to tap in and be aligned daily right hands up.

Lunden Souza: 11:41

Yeah, yeah, here we go.

Emilio Palafox: 11:44

Yeah, but, but I think, yeah, I think, when you're talking about what's important to you with creative thing, what's important to me you know the mission of relationship renegades is to co-create a world where healthy, happy relationships are the new norm, just because we feel the societal norm is based on toxic and failed relationships. And we want to help change that. And, yeah, failed relationships, and we want to help change that, um and uh, yeah. So we do that in a variety of ways. You know, traditional model. We have a creative model because we are also in the tv and film world. Um, and I think, yeah, I think, at the end of the day, I just want to be able to like on my deathbed since we're talking about death to like to make sure that I gave away all my gift, talents and strengths, that I completely just used it to the max, right like. I think that's one of my biggest fears. Is that that I, that I'm not using it to the full capacity, right, the the sticky note that you have there the time is now right.

Emilio Palafox: 12:33

Like to always play big and to always help people as much as we can with our gifts, talents and strengths, and so I'm excited that that I was able to find Rachel about almost eight years ago, so that we can do this together.

Lunden Souza: 12:46

Yeah, yeah, and yeah, I know we're looking over at the thing. On my fridge there's a. I've talked about this on the podcast before and one time my friend Danny came over and he like thought I was going to like take my life.

Emilio Palafox: 13:03

He was like is this a sign? He was like no. He's like no. It's literally a sign he had like a heart to heart moment with me, and I lost people to suicide, so I'm not making a joke about it at all but he literally was concerned.

Lunden Souza: 13:13

I'm like no, actually, this is the exactly what you said. Like I, I want to get to the end of my life, looking back on, like all the different versions of me and the evolution and growth, and not staying the same and saying I used to be, or I used to be, that way and now I've, and I love that becoming process and I know, um, I'm not in a relationship and it's a big thing within your own personal life and I know that's been like that. But how do you, or how have you, navigated?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 13:41

you know, you've been together eight years, right, that's um, and I know that's been like that.

Lunden Souza: 13:43

But how do you, or how have you navigated? You know you've been together eight years, right, that's um, and you know, and more to come of, like growth and change. And how do you navigate um your individual change and then like growing together? Yeah, no, I think that's such a great question.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 13:59

I was actually talking about this with my cousin uh, recently, because he's 23. He really even at 23 he's like one of those guys. He's like I wonder if I'm a person like.

Emilio Palafox: 14:08

I think he's earlier than most um but really navigating.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 14:14

He's like how do I really know? Like what are the things to look for in a relationship? Because I was with this girl who I felt so deeply connected to. Yet when he was describing her behavior, I was like what you're describing is like bipolar, like it was crazy ups and down, crazy shit of like being the most amazing human ever and then like the most not um and and so. And I could realize, because I've been in relationships like that, where they they're very manipulative, very narcissist and they can be such a mindfuck. Um, and I was really helping them navigate some like here here's the thing because they actually had different belief systems, so religious belief systems which for some people.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 14:57

That's the deal breaker, um, but what I found on my journey and our journey has been that, regardless of any sort of belief systems, people will change and throughout a span of a lifetime. I think in relationships what has been the most important quality about a person. Because knowing that, like in someone's lifespan if they don't change at all when I think that's kind of a something to look at and then also knowing that, like, humans were supposed to evolve and grow and expand and in that expansion, if you're a person that is not open to that expansion or you don't know how to hold space for that, a lot of we get taught as humans to be scared of change. That it's. It's a scary thing.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 15:48

Someone else changes and you don't really have control over that and you think you have control and then it it has all these, um, all these kinds of I feel like very unhealthy behaviors can come out. So, learning one, how to create a space within yourself where you feel very safe, seeing and loved, but also choosing a partner, especially a life partner, who is able to be someone that can navigate change and hold space for you as you change and hold space for themselves as they change, and I think that's something I'm the most grateful for in our relationship is we've both changed a lot like a lot since we've been together and I think, even when we got married, it was this deep knowing of already have gone through some really hard shit together and seeing how he showed up in the hardest moments.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 16:34

And also how he showed up when I had scared my, when I had shared my darkest secrets, like when I was able to share my darkest things with him and he said you know, I love you even more now because you shared that with me.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 16:49

It was like the biggest healing moment, because in other relationships, one I would hide all my truth. I would, I would hide stuff because I was too scared of being honest, cause I felt like if I wasn't what they wanted me to be, then they would reject me and I didn't want to go through that, so I would just hide stuff. So it was been my pattern of breaking that habit and pattern and speaking fully like this is who I am, take it or leave it. And this is what I've done, this is what I've been through and this is what I've learned, and so I feel like there's a long-winded answer, but I think, to wrap it up, the most important quality is knowing that people will change, and the most important quality is knowing that people will change, and so are you with someone? Can you look for that quality in someone where they can navigate and hold space for change and growth, celebrate it and also you as a, as the other individual, be able to do the same, because a lot of people actually really aren't able to do that.

Lunden Souza: 17:39

It's very challenging, yeah yeah, afraid of that change and what that might mean. You know, in the best case and what you guys found. It's like, yes, let's fucking go like empower growth, but for some people it's like a threat to their survival and this person is going to change and I'm not going to be there with it and I'm going to lose that person. So let me degrade you or hold stuff, yeah, so that you don't do that. Yeah.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 18:05

Well, like, my friends were together for like 50 years and for half of that like it's a long time half of that they had the same religious beliefs and that's what a lot of their marriage is based on. And then, kind of into that, something happened that we thought would never, ever happen was my dad decided that that wasn't his truth anymore, and so and I thought, for sure, my parents are getting divorced, like for sure, but they are still together and they have been a beautiful example of you can love I call it loving beyond belief, which is really more of this divine kind of love that can hold space for all truths at the same time, and just love and accept.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 18:40

And honestly, that is the kind of love that heals. The other kind of love is very conditional and it actually creates a lot more separation and disconnection and hatred and fear. And so I think it's really understanding, too, the difference between that really divine, unconditional love and conditional love. And it's it's a lot of work, like it's hard work, to show up in that divine love, but I do feel like it's it's worth it we just went through something like yesterday that where we we got to re-experience that.

Emilio Palafox: 19:11

But I know I said a lot, so I want you to get to kind of share no, no, it's just soaking it up.

Emilio Palafox: 19:17

Yeah, I think you know. To add to that, I think you know there's so many different people that have different types of relationships and there's never any judgment about how people want to live their relationship. You know, I think we choose to have a really deep and really growth type of relationship and that requires a lot of, you know, emptying the cup, because we've been self-development junkies for a long time and it's like, no, like, no matter what person, place, thing, experience, book, conference, what have you. It's like to have that beginner's mind of emptying the cup and filling that back up, learning from her, learning from each other.

Lunden Souza: 19:54

Um. So empty cup you mean like ready to learn, ready to?

Emilio Palafox: 19:57

yeah, because like if you have a, if I have a full cup, right, then I can't put anything in there anymore, right like. So I have to like empty the cup so I can get it refilled, right, because if your cup is completely full, you're never going to learn anything anymore. You think you know at all, then? Well then you're just going to continue to just be like this. You're never continually evolving, and all that, and I, I, I believe that life to me, just like it's constantly in a circle, over and over and over, and that you're learning sort of the same lessons and tests if you will, and when you pass those, you're sort of getting deeper and deeper and deeper into the wisdom and more depth into the conversation, like the more depth, like I feel like every time we go through something or we go through a ceremony, or we change individually or collectively, that, like Rachel, just becomes this, like literally like a whole new person.

Emilio Palafox: 20:47

I'm like, oh Whoa, it's like another layer of beauty, and then another layer of beauty, then another layer of beauty, and so, whether it's the person or the experience or life, I think things just get like. You know, I'm all about just creating like there's. You can absolutely create a heaven on earth. And and it's the mind right, like if I create a story in my head, because this is the number one human impediment, right, people create a story in their head about a person, place or thing they're judging. Right, it's the human impediment they fuse to that story. Emotions arise from that story, and then the next thing, you know you've created your own suffering, right. So I create a hell experience by getting into guilt and shame and anger and all these things. Or I can just get back to the present moment where none of that exists, reset, breathe, et cetera, right. And then think about some renewing emotions Right, it's a peaceful state, all those things, and so sort of. Back to the relationship. I think you can always create whatever reality you want.

Emilio Palafox: 21:45

And I think when you're navigating growth individually and collectively, I think it's important to, like Rachel was saying, like well, let me kind of back up a little bit.

Emilio Palafox: 21:56

I think, just overall, everybody can have whatever relationship they want, but, like we choose to have that higher love, this higher conscious growth type of love, which requires a lot.

Emilio Palafox: 22:08

But if you choose to do that and choose to hold space with each other and choose to have hard conversations and choose to be committed to growth and to seek to understand each other and to just become love while you're going through all these things are certainly principles we go through then the other end of that is like a heaven on earth experience. It's this deeper love and deeper connection that I never thought I could experience and and it's like it sounds maybe cheesy to say, but it's so true Like it seems like another planet or another reality when you actually decide to like do the work together and then on the other end of that it's like wow, like we are so much more deeply connected and then it just becomes this fun, playful, beautiful experience. And people don't need to always do that and go deep all the time, but like, if you choose to, it can be rough at times, but it's just so. To me and to us it's like the greatest gift. It becomes like a Christmas every day, yeah.

Lunden Souza: 23:03

You're like unlocking new levels to use your video game analogy but separately and then together. Yeah, and it's um, yeah, reacting from the place of that story, I saw something on social media it was like this video, um of two people coming to an argument in the relationship right, it was a man and a woman coming together and then it would flash from them being adults to being little kids yelling at each other.

Lunden Souza: 23:31

I love it and it was so good because the the I'm paraphrasing, but like the message of it was like if the both, if sometimes one kid and one adult come to the conversation, that can be okay, Right, and best case, obviously two adults healing, but whatever. And then you know vice versa, one is the adult and the other one's the child. But when two children come together to that fight, there's like how do you not get to that point? And of course we're all human.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 24:00

We all fuck up Do-overs.

Lunden Souza: 24:01

Love them this guy is great, but I loved that video because, as they were kind of morphing and you're like oh yeah. And then I had a recent situation where I was like that just clicked for me, where I was like, oh yeah, it wasn't me present, moment me yeah, coming to the conversation, yeah it was little, me, little you.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 24:20

He was feeling something like so what happened to little Rachel and little Melio.

Lunden Souza: 24:23

Come to the table, do they often? And then like what are maybe some of the principles that you mentioned, where you kind of navigate that shit because it's every day and you have to be really present for it yeah, it's hard yeah and yeah, well, first of all, I think, if you're listening, I love, I love that video.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 24:41

I can't wait to see it. But that principle you know we talk about often, um, I was just actually doing a huge workshop, like speech, with like hundreds of of men who are all construction workers, big, much of men, and a lot of these principles they hadn't heard before and we were talking about. You know, anytime if there is something you went through you know we call it trauma, but it's basically anytime you didn't feel safe, seen, heard or loved throughout your life, most of the time when you were young, as a kid, if you're life, most of the time when you're young, as a kid, if you're if you haven't processed that trauma or just hard, challenging thing you went through. A lot of times a part of you gets stuck there. So say, you know if, and it could be like the little thing of like I really wanted to be on the dance team when I was 10 years old and they didn't pick me and I'm not gonna get picked by- him.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 25:30

I'm not gonna get picked, so I have this story now because that was so hard for me and I created that story of like I'm not good enough, I don't people, I don't get picked, so then I fused to that story. I create all these emotions from that story and that now becomes my reality, is how I see the world, is what I project into the world. And so we don't realize that oftentimes that you said we're not talking to an adult, we're talking to a child, that child version of them, that is, that part of them, is still stuck at that age, in that particular part of life, and yeah, I've seen my, I've seen our little us come up in the craziest of times and also, I think, was also beautiful.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 26:13

It's like that's that the child that you've ever been with an adult and they're like throwing a tantrum, or you see yourself throwing a tantrum. That's pretty much what's happening. It's like, um, and in the moment, what is happening, and you're still with rage and anger and all this stuff, and you almost feel like you can't control it because you all your defenses and your protective mechanisms are showing up, uh, and at the same time, if there is a lot of healing, uh, from past experiences, you can also see, I see our little kids just playing together all the time. Ultimately, that's what a lot of our relationship feels like is because we have done so much work on healing past traumas and rewriting narratives. Is that and in that space? I also think that's what allows the most freedom and playfulness to happen, where you just feel like you're just like two little kids that are playing, and it feels so safe and free and and and it's my favorite, like I love it so much.

Emilio Palafox: 27:05

So, but I want to get back to your story.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 27:06

I just wanted to kind of talk about that, where you can get stuck at that age and that's not part of you. That agent as that part of you and maybe because I talked about, do you want to go into, like the principles, where we can work with yeah, bounce back with that yeah.

Emilio Palafox: 27:16

so a lot of our clients a lot of times will tell us like they don't know how to communicate right, like if they're stuck in a kid, you know they got triggered or something like that, for instance, and all of a sudden there's either the kid on kid or the adult kid. Whatever the situation is, I think when we think about like the new higher love or divine love, like we want to talk about like the rules of engagement, that when you say higher love.

Lunden Souza: 27:41

You said it twice.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 27:41

It makes me want to bring you higher love I love that's like one of my favorite songs, so that was like one of our wedding songs and of course you're done my I'm like half off stuff when and he said I'm like that's

Emilio Palafox: 27:54

the song. I'll say it one more time, don't worry, it'll be three.

Lunden Souza: 27:57

But yeah, no, I'm hearing what you're saying, loving it. And that just made me want to have a moment with you guys.

Emilio Palafox: 28:02

I love that, no more of that. Um, yeah, so with a higher love. Uh, that's conscious. And then, if you choose to kind of have this type of relationship, it's like, first and foremost, understanding that, like both are understanding that, like, hey, we're both committed to growth, right, like?

Emilio Palafox: 28:27

me individually, her individually, because it's always the man in the mirror and the woman in the mirror, like it takes two to tango, like, and so we both know that, like she has work to do, I have work to do, and and that, and so the next thing is okay. So the first rule of engagement that we're both committed to growth, right. Second thing is the understanding that triggers are gifts, right, and so that when she gets triggered, she understands that there's something inside of her that hasn't been healed yet. I understand that if I get triggered by something she says or something that happened or whatever, that there's something within me that hasn't been healed yet and a lot of people don't just understand that and realize that.

Emilio Palafox: 29:03

And what? How is that the situation? There's a whole workshop on that. There's a lot of long conversations to explain that out and we can if we want to right now, if we want to, but, but but we both, then understand that, okay, we understand that triggers are gifts and, if that happens, that it's something within us, right so if she gets triggered or something happens, we're about to be kid on kid or adult kid, whatever the situation you describe.

Emilio Palafox: 29:25

If rachel's being triggered and stuff, I know there's something going on and it's not about me, it's with her. I could have done something whatever, but there's still. She knows that something's going on. I will then do my best to then this is the third thing create a space where she feels safe, seen, heard and loved. At that point nothing else matters, because there's fire happening, there's an argument about to happen, there's a trigger that's here, and so I know there's a trigger here. My job is to create a safe space where she feels safe, seen, heard and loved. Same thing with me. If I'm getting triggered or if I'm in my ego and defensiveness and there's something happening within me, rachel will do the same thing for me. So then that's like a big thing, right. But then these are kind of principles. But of course then you've got to learn like well, how do you create a safe space?

Emilio Palafox: 30:16

A lot of people don't know how to create a safe space and you know one piece of it would be being vulnerable, right, like if Rachel shares something in a trigger state. I would say something like that, must you know. It seems like you're going through a lot that must be very hard for you to share. Whatever it may be, I'm like, I'm thank you for sharing that. Thank you for whatever it may be. I'm like, thank you for sharing. I want to you for whatever it may be. I'm like, thank you for sharing.

Lunden Souza: 30:33

I want to acknowledge that she took that time you know, and not just like.

Emilio Palafox: 30:36

Just like. It's a statement Like I really want to seek to understand what she's going through because she's a human. She's my wife. I love her. Why wouldn't I want her to feel safe seeing her in love? Obviously, when we're an ego, we just want to like, oh you're right. But like we do our best to rep the muscles of like my love is hurting right now, why wouldn't I want to like, do my best to be a divine masculine and just say, whatever doesn't matter, like just let me see her, because I know if I do that she's going to be like walls down defenses down, everything out.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 31:11

And then it's like oh my God.

Emilio Palafox: 31:15

And so it's like, oh, we don't have to like attack and attack and attack and attack. It's like, even though I want to do something, I know that if I do that she'll be like oh yeah, oh my gosh, and then, and then it's a beautiful connection, we can really have a better conversation and vice versa, right? So I think, like what I think what's important is because there's always going to be that there's life and stressors and kids and work and all this stuff, and so, no matter how much we evolve or get better as humans and spirits and all this stuff, it's like there's always going to be something.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 31:45

So I think the book that we're writing there's always going to be levels, yeah.

Emilio Palafox: 31:49

And you master this level and then you go to the next level and then there's stuff there. And so I think it's really important that people just understand like what are the rules of engagement that we can agree upon. Agreement for growth. Yeah, so agreement for growth, understanding that triggers are the biggest and we can just make it simple because there's like four, five, six you can keep going down.

Emilio Palafox: 32:20

You can't give us three, it simple, because there's like four or five, six, you go down. Yeah, so the third one would be just create a safe space, yes, where that other person feels safe seeing her and loved um. The bonus I would just add, to kind of wrap it up in a nice little present, is basically um, when it so we have this game of like whoever owns?

Lunden Souza: 32:32

their shit basically wins.

Emilio Palafox: 32:34

So you're sort of tricking the ego, so like if we all know what we've done.

Lunden Souza: 32:39

We don't like to find the game, yeah, so we just gave it back, but yeah it's like, basically, whoever owns their shit first wins.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 32:51

And what's really cool about this game is it does trick your ego, because your ego wants to win, your ego wants to be right. So in that moment where you're like, you know, because sometimes if one person is just triggered, it's one thing, the other person can hold space, but usually what happens is that that person's triggered and then they attack, and then the other person gets triggered and it's like and then you could be like attacking, attacking, fire on fire, just escalating, and the littlest stupid thing blows up into the hugest fight.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 33:16

And I think it's realizing that every trigger is an opportunity for a complete blowout or way deeper connection than you've had before. It's always either one and you get to choose each time Do I want blowout or do I want deeper connection? Get to choose each time do I want blow out or do I want deeper connection? And so this game of who can own their shit first first tricks the ego so that you're like, if I can be the first one, like I win the game.

Lunden Souza: 33:42

So you win by being like oh sorry, my I was triggered because I'm a child, like yesterday right, like we had we had.

Emilio Palafox: 33:50

We had a little thing yesterday going on and, um, probably this morning, while we were having breakfast out looking at the lake, just relaxing, being together, she, she was still um in a beautiful way, holding onto something. Because she chose not to bring it up last night, because I was like an ego last night. I was in my kid self last night, Right, and not all the time, but there were some moments where I was and I was saying some things to her that um hurt her a little bit and she shared that during and we talked about it and we did what we just shared. But there was still some residue, right. So Rachel, this morning kind of released that residue and was like hey, by the way, I was feeling hurt with this. I felt like, when you were saying this, that you didn't um, it felt like you didn't Um, um, it felt like you didn't Um.

Lunden Souza: 34:31

And what we do, too, is like the story I have in my head the story I'm telling myself is like you know, it's like you didn't, you didn't you didn't um.

Emilio Palafox: 34:39

The story I have in my head is that you didn't um like care what I was saying, or that I that you didn't acknowledge that I was hurt and you were cook and all this kind of stuff and just some, some attacks, let's just call them that. I was attacking rachel on right because I was in defense and I was an ego at a certain point and and rachel said that and I listened to her and of course, I said thank you so much for sharing um, and I was honest about that because she was going through something and I love and I honestly really am glad that she shares, because a lot of humans can hold things down, keep them for a long time and have resentment.

Emilio Palafox: 35:13

And then all of a sudden they wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and then a year or two, three years later they blow up and it's a big thing and it's like because it was this thing that they never got under the rug.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 35:20

They never got it out of the rug. It's like get it all out and that's poison.

Emilio Palafox: 35:36

Like on. So it's kind of somewhere, yeah, it will. But, like I think, because I think initially when you practice these things, they can be hard. Right, it's hard to like go against ego, it's very hard, but just like anything else, we do see it as a muscle. So the more that you rep it and we've repped it, we do our best to practice. What we preach right is to rep, rep, rep, rep so that muscle has become big, and not to say that we're perfect, but it's just you rep it a lot. Things can get actually easier. It really can.

Emilio Palafox: 35:55

So when she shared that I'm like all I want is to love and have a beautiful day and like I want her to feel seen, safe, heard and loved. You are my love, like I chose you, like you're everything to me. So if you're feeling this type because of those reps, I'm just like you're right, babe. Like I was totally attacking you. I totally said that that was not true. I was hurt and I was feeling like I was just shameful at that time and I I definitely did that, I definitely did that, you know. And she said, wow, you know, like, and it's just like, say what you did. You know that like yeah, I was being passive, aggressive back then yeah.

Emilio Palafox: 36:36

And you know, I don't know why I was. Or maybe you do know why and you can say hey, how can I support you right now? Or I don't know, I've got to go be by myself for a moment, or whatever the communication is. But I think we do have that game. We practice it as much as we can.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 37:01

And it's done, and it's someone who's any good, so you won today really it's, the relationship rises yeah the relationship rises and, yeah, each other, because when one person as soon as one person is just like can breathe through all of the the shit that's coming up and and see the person in front of them as their little kid self, that's just hurting. Like they're just hurting, even if they're spewing anger at you. You can like. It's literally have to be like a like, a like put on a different lens. You know you put on different glasses and you master looking at people from that lens instead of just seeing seeing the anger.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 37:41

That's coming and and just being like I could see that you're hurting, you know, and I am. I just want to love you. Like how can I support you through this? It's just like this diffusion.

Emilio Palafox: 37:55

Oh, big diffusion. Rachel does an incredible job at that.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 37:58

And it is. It has taken me a long time to get there, like a long time to get there, to be able to hold so much space for that and also these boundaries that you have as well, because there's a big difference between holding space for someone and coming with love and acceptance and non-judgment and also having your own boundaries of like I will not be taken advantage of.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 38:20

I will not be walked over like standing up for the kind of person you want to be, because I think I've seen people be like, oh, but I'm just coming from this love, and they're not. They're not speaking their truth, they're not standing up for themselves, they're creating resentment, they're creating smallness, and that's not what we're saying.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 38:38

So it's, it's being able to navigate and dance with both, and I do think it is a dance and it is a freaking workout every time and it's a muscle that you know you built and you get better and better at yeah yeah, I love, I love that game, that's even just in your own personal relationship with yourself like the faster.

Lunden Souza: 38:55

You just kind of get real with it, you still win, and yeah, we both win at the end of the day.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 39:00

You know no, but I love that you said even with yourself, like that honesty, the game within yourself, because the most important relationship you ever have is with you. Like, and the more I've learned how to truly hold space for myself, love, love myself, let that little kid inside me that is hurting. I just love the show them and give them the love that they are craving. Then I'm not projecting all that stuff onto other people friends, family, intimate partners, business partners I'm able to just love on me, give that little kid the love that they're craving, and then they no longer are seeking the attention, validation, all this, or wanting to spew anger, anger or hate other people to get that attention in some way.

Emilio Palafox: 39:44

So I think yeah well, I think that's a beautiful like crazy. I'm glad you brought that up, because I think we talk about this a lot too. I think humanity might think that this is a crazy statement, but like loving yourself and like doing you and really nurturing you and taking care of you is the best thing that you can do for your relationship right. Like loving you, like loving myself so much.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 40:13

First, is loving you. It is Like sharing something on.

Lunden Souza: 40:17

Instagram and you like clapped it and you said, like I think it was Ram Dass, where it was like the best gift I could give to me is the best gift I could give to you is to work on me and the best gift you could do is to work on you 100%.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 40:28

That's it. That's it, that's it.

Emilio Palafox: 40:31

I think that's like mic drop kind of thing on any relationship, because then your cup starts to overflow and that overflow can like go to friends and family and relationships right, I think.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 40:42

But I do think that's one of the hardest gifts or confusions is that it's hard. It's brave work to face yourself. Yeah, like it is brave work, yes, and oftentimes the easier thing to do is to go do something else and get it from somewhere else, like social media or like going, you know, having a conversation with someone or something. Just doing anything else but facing yourself, basically any destruction in some set thing.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 41:12

Yeah, we all do it yes and so, but it is that like, if you can just face it, rip the band-aid off and like, go in and and make that part of you that feels scared or hurt or angry or resentful just learning how, what it really looks like for each person listening like because I think it's a unique thing that we all have to figure out what does it really looks like for each person listening like because I think it's a unique thing that we all have to figure out what does it really look like for me to love me? Yeah, and I think that's like ever expanding, ever changing. I think what does it look like to love me today?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 41:43

yes, birthday 10 years from now, um, and and that that is like, probably like your number one thing like what does that look like to really love on me today? And I love this phrase of like. Love yourself enough to have the hard conversation, love yourself enough to go do the workout?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 42:01

Like not because you're trying to punish yourself, but because you just want to nourish and love you. Love yourself enough to go on the adventure that scares you because you know you might die tomorrow and you want to live like. Love yourself enough to go on the adventure that scares you because you know you might die tomorrow and you want to live like love yourself enough to take care of you even when it's really hard.

Emilio Palafox: 42:17

Yeah, love yourself enough to say no to a relationship or any relationship, or say yes to a relationship yeah, depending on what chapter you're in right like I mean for me. I remember I won't get too deep into it, but it's like we were just talking about this morning. Like I was, I remember being in it. I went through so many toxic relationships before I met rachel right like and to work, continuously work on myself to become the man to attract a woman like rachel um and, and one of them in particular, I remember three months in so many red flags but like went into the relationship anyway and then like almost like every other weekend wanted to break up because there was constant fights.

Emilio Palafox: 42:55

I was also doing a lot of drugs and alcohol at that time and this was living in toxic environment. So was she, and it was just this like whirlwind of pain and suffering for each other. Like it was just the worst. Right Like every other weekend, if not every weekend. For three years it lasted and I should have ended it probably less than three, you know months, if not three weeks.

Emilio Palafox: 43:13

And the only reason I bring that up is because you know you get what you tolerate, and like I tolerated so much, so did she and I didn't love myself enough, honestly, to say, like we can't do this, I can't do this to myself, we can't do this, I can't do this to myself anymore, I can't do this to you, we can't do this to each other. Like I have to walk away. We have to walk away, you know, and we were just dating, you know, for the three years. But I think, like for me and my story it's like, or at least one of them it's.

Emilio Palafox: 43:42

I didn't love myself at that point because I would have chosen differently. Because you can choose differently, can choose every day to say no to something and yes to something which is such a goal to say like I that was toxic.

Lunden Souza: 43:59

I was in that for three years and I chose that yeah yeah because I think of people listening now that are in that situation, that cycle we've all been there and say go out to sit you know, yeah, and then to own your shit and say I'm choosing what I'm getting yeah, and this repeat record I'm keeping press and play on, yeah, like yes and I love those gold moments because you know, I've gotten good at them, and it also makes me think of literally the title of this podcast, because I it's called self-love and sweat, and I started it as a different version of myself, much more into fitness, the workouts, right, but now I like to say I'm into the work ins, like it's not just both workouts, work ins and self-love is what we're just talking about.

Lunden Souza: 44:51

And sweat initially was workouts, you know, but now for me it's like those moments where you're like gotta face that I'm sweaty and I'm going to do it anyways.

Emilio Palafox: 45:04

Yeah, totally.

Lunden Souza: 45:05

Next level new things, new scaries, new stuff to, like you know, overcome, and so um, it's your gym, like you are in a one of the hardest workouts of your life, when you're doing the work-ins like it is wild.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 45:22

Well, and, just like emilio, I have the same stories. I mean, it was, I had several relationships I knew were wrong for me, like so so, so quick, and I couldn't get estate. I couldn't for years.

Lunden Souza: 45:33

I just like not going to matter.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 45:37

And again like it's so hard to to understand why you're in it.

Lunden Souza: 45:42

So you're in it For sure.

Emilio Palafox: 45:44

Am I going through this?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 45:44

Like why is that to be so hard? Why is it so confusing? Like why can't I just know the answers? And I think, if you're really really, really honest with yourself. You do.

Lunden Souza: 45:56

You're just too scared to face it, to face it and to do it because it's really hard.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 46:00

It's hard, it's hard to go through a breakup, it's hard to be alone, it's hard to navigate through, like the grief because you're it's. It's grief like you're letting go of of not only a version of you but that person, because they're no longer. You're saying, hey, like I gotta step away, like I'm no, and it's a big ego play too, because I think a lot of times we're like, oh, at least in my story. I'm like, yeah, but I need to help them, I need to save them. I like they're struggling and oftentimes I would attract these guys that I always felt like I was like pulling them up the mountain with me and then I was like why do I keep attracting into my life? And I was like, well, because I have this part of me that feels like I have to save people and so of course.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 46:40

I'm attracting that into my life because I have that deep rooted story in me that it's my job to save people.

Emilio Palafox: 46:47

Yeah.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 46:47

And it's not my job to save people, it's my job to save me.

Emilio Palafox: 46:49

Yeah.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 46:50

And it was the learning of what that looks like. Again, like, what does it mean to love me? Because it's really hard to love you and it's sometimes easier to just love everybody else. But that love that you're giving everybody else is not really a healthy love, because you can only give away what you have and if you don't have it for yourself like you're, an orange can only squeeze out orange juice. It can't squeeze out lemon juice.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 47:14

So whatever you got inside of you is what you're giving, and oftentimes we'll call that like um, if you have a conditional love for yourself, you probably have conditional love for other people. If you can create that really divine, higher, unconditional love for yourself, where everything you've done, gone through, experienced, it's all okay, like it's all okay and I've done some terrible shit, so like to be able to be like I forgive you, I love you, it's okay and I'm not ashamed anymore and I'm not living in this shameful spiral. There's a quote that I love that says like get rid of shame. It will not add or get rid of guilt and shame. It will not add a smile, a dollar or an ounce to any of your days.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 48:03

Like there's a certain number of things other than making you feel miserable and making everybody else in your life miserable, and I mean, I think forgiveness work is some of the most important work, and we've actually been on a really intense retreat, called four years of them, where we spent like seven days basically just straight doing forgiveness work, like with no technology, no distractions, basically you in a pod by yourself. Right, a lot of technology yeah, you're hooked up to neurofeedback the whole time, so it's tracking your brainwaves and what's happening which is super cool, but I mean like but you're not for any part of the day, like for seven.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 48:44

You are completely out for like a week no stimulants no, nothing, how nice yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lunden Souza: 48:50

I love this world. It's how we got to you know who we met, yeah, Sometimes I think what that could be like, and it's great to create containers to do that.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 49:01

It's. I think it's so important. I think oftentimes that's what our souls are craving. But it also makes you face yourself and wherever you go, there you are and you have no distractions. You really face yourself. And wherever you go, there you are and you have no distractions. You really face yourself.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 49:13

And but this forgiveness work I mean we were spending on one thing like hours like and crying and screaming and shaking and like somatic work and like just getting all out of your system and reframing every little thing that ever happened to you, where you thought it was a terrible, bad thing.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 49:31

And you get to this place where you're so grateful for that thing, like not even just forgiving and letting it go, but like you were like, wow, I am so grateful that that dark, crazy, ugly thing happened to me, because now, through this work, I see the gifts that it gave me, and these gifts are superpowers and I realize now that probably that was the way I had to learn them and maybe I wouldn't have learned them any other way, and it is the reason why I'm able to show up in the world the way I am now, and so, wow, I'm really grateful for this thing and this person that I used to hold a lot of like anger or hate to, and now I just have complete love for them and or yourself, like you also have to love, forgiveness, work on yourself too, but it was that whole other topic.

Lunden Souza: 50:12

But that kind of work, I think, is just like one of the most powerful things you can do, because when you forgive those moments, it's like you're owning your story and instead of like wishing it was a different way, it's like, yeah, how I mean I, I do this one forgiveness meditation, the whole phone, oh yeah, but that's like a yeah how I mean I?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 50:31

I do this one forgiveness meditation, the whole Pono, pono, oh yeah.

Lunden Souza: 50:33

But that's like a few minutes like that's not seven days. My mind is going like a few Pono Ponos. I'm like feeling real good, so imagining going into that, but those, yeah, those scenarios and situations where you still hold those ties.

Emilio Palafox: 50:51

And yeah, no, go ahead go ahead.

Lunden Souza: 50:54

No, I wasn't going to say yeah, you're next no, I was just when you brought that up.

Emilio Palafox: 50:57

I think you don't necessarily need to go to something like 40 years of zen, because it's a you know thing, but what was cool about that, though, with the technology applied to the head, was that, like you can and it was sort of um, if anybody listening knows like um alpha. Are you familiar with different brain waves?

Lunden Souza: 51:16

totally okay, cool, right. So you know, there's like beta, alpha, theta, delta, etc gamma um.

Emilio Palafox: 51:22

So this one was more of an alpha training because you can go to like a theta training and so it's more of alpha. So you got to kind of um through, through, uh, sound neurofeedback um, you can kind of start to understand when you're an alpha and they wanted you to be an alpha, because in an alpha brainwave state, um, it's a very versatile state and you can get a lot of healing done. There's a lot of like rewiring that can happen in your brain in an alpha state, and so it was really cool is that while we're going through certain techniques to clear whatever it was in the past, or to clear whatever, um, you know it's best to be in that alpha state, right, and so you would go through the clearing, let's say, and, um, if you and you knew that you were in an alpha state, because you would hear these gongs like oh, and the more alpha that you were in, the more this gong and it was getting really like really just the production of the gongs and everything really became loud.

Emilio Palafox: 52:15

So while you were doing it, you know that you were doing it right and you can continue to go in so, so encouraging, so it's very encouraging that you know that you're actually doing it.

Emilio Palafox: 52:22

It's almost like if like. It's almost like if I'm like I'm gonna kind of go a side parallel for a moment. Let's say I'm like, hey, I did this and I'm really sorry, I did that, and it's like you're not really sorry, like your nervous system knows if you're really sorry or not or if you really forgave that person. So if you did the whole clearing and you're not hearing gongs, you weren't being for real, yeah you didn't really clear it.

Lunden Souza: 52:44

You didn't forgive, you didn't really clear or whatever it was.

Emilio Palafox: 52:47

It was a lot of forgiveness, but there was also a whole bunch of other things too. So, whatever clearing we were doing, not only were the gongs like could tell you if you're really doing it right, but then also you could see the graphs after the session. You're literally in this pod, black pod, like closed eyes, weighted blanket, like in this black pod, and doing this work. And then you go and then afterwards you can see the graphs. You're like okay, so this is when you were doing that, or when we told you to do that, and yep, no, you weren't in that, so you got to go back and do it again. You know what I mean. Essentially, you would go through like a therapy session, coaching session, whatever, and then it's like okay, emilio, then you could go one-on-one and then let's go back in the pod and work on xyz again, because I can see in the graphs that you didn't do it and you probably know for yourself that you didn't hear the gongs while you're going through it.

Emilio Palafox: 53:27

So it's kind of. There's so many incredible things about that retreat, but one of the cool things was like knowing, knowing, built-in accountability yeah, and then afterwards, when you left, like let's say even now, like if I'm going through a clearing in my head or whatever practice or whatever it is.

Emilio Palafox: 53:44

I know what it feels like to be in an alpha state because we practice for so long so now I'm like let's get an alpha state and then let's do whatever work and then I can tell now so much because we did it so many times that like I know now what alpha feels like and I know when I can get into it when I slip out of alpha. So that's kind of really cool to if people are interested in that technological kind of getting hooked up to the brain way, being hooked up to the brain and doing the work. In that sense it's kind of a cool other type of retreat.

Lunden Souza: 54:12

Yeah, I'm happy to hear more about it, because I remember when you guys shared stuff on social media about it how transformative it felt for you guys. And yeah, I just forgot to ask you about it.

Lunden Souza: 54:24

And now it's so cool and I love the brain. I just think it's so amazing and when you really get to learn how to tune in and tap into, like you said, different brainwave states, and you know when you're there and you feel the change and you, you know it's it is. I love how you said put in the reps within your repetition I mean within your relationships, you have repetition of showing up. But also like we can change, like our brains can change, and so big I always say I say this with a big hug, but stuck is a choice. Right there's.

Lunden Souza: 54:57

You might be going the scenic route in some way, but there's actually like a different pathway and we get so convinced that like what we're creating is so fucking real. It's like actually there's ways to rewire that map, yes, and it's so liberating and cool to be able to experience that together. And it retrieved all of that and and that's why I just love to keep going, because I'm like my little puny brain is limited I'm like there's more, like there's other ways to to tap in and rewire and and yeah, yeah, it's so fun it's so real too.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 55:33

It's just, you know, one of our favorite teachers is wayne dyer and one of his quotes that that you, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And I have to think about my last year here, when we were first moving. I was really going through like a lot of complex stuff, both like transitioning to a new place, felt like I was transitioning to a new chapter of life. I was dealing with, uh, all my freak outs of like getting older and having more wrinkles and my body not feeling as light or as fit or as young as it used to, and what that meant in my acting career and and am I ready to go into motherhood? What does that mean for me? And am I just going to become a boring Utah mom? And is my career over and like? Am I just? And then am I not as valuable because I don't feel like I'm as pretty as I used to be?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 56:27

like just all this dark shit that just spiraled. And the wild thing was is I felt like all of last year I had lots, of you know, the roller coaster of life ups and downs, where they kind of got better and I did work, and then I kind of like went down again and then I got better and I did work. And also, as females, we're very cyclical so we, and every month I go through like my death and rebirth, like every month and um, and yeah, I got again.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 56:51

I think another huge thing to look for relationships is understanding, understanding the dynamic and also calling in having a partner that um can really hold space for you through that, because, bless this man, he does. It just knows that like, okay, I just my work is just holding you, letting you cry, and I don't do anything else. I just like hold you, let you cry, and that's all I need and that's all I'm craving, and that's hard work for him, like for a new human, because you're like oh you see me, yeah, and and, yeah, and still can't come up anyways.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 57:20

The um.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 57:21

The biggest thing I want to say is, like, through a lot of this work, though one, it's not linear, it's not like you do something all of a sudden, like it can come back in different chapters in different ways, but I have these deep, deep beliefs that, like, my value is associated to what I look, like, like, and that came from like childhood and different things with my mom and what I saw, and not just what I people told me growing up, cause we don't take in what we hear, we take in what we saw.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 57:50

And I saw behaviors of like picking apart your body and saying that you're fat and ugly, even though you look to me, they were beautiful and and so my little me was like, oh, that's that's how, that's how we'd be in the world, like that's what you're supposed to be and that's also when you have a deep belief, there's this part of you that's like, well, everybody thinks this, like everybody lives this way, and then when you go and share these things and you realize, no, actually, like people don't have this belief at all and their reality is so different because they don't have that belief, and so going in there and being like oh, I can breathe, excuse me, bless you, bless you. Oh, too Just like Rachel.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 58:28

Rachel, excuse me, bless you, bless you, oh two, just like rachel but but also that any beliefs that we have, if it's not serving us, we want to change it, we really can, and when we do that work to change it at like a cellular, like unconscious level, your whole world is completely different, like nothing. I'm actually technically older than I was last year, but I feel younger, freer, prettier, more valuable than I ever have because I changed those beliefs and my whole life feels different, like it just feels so. There's so much more space and so much more peaceful.

Lunden Souza: 59:08

And I walk through the world and people are like oh, you're like glowing and I'm like I was gonna say that's you and then it penetrates into your relationship and all of those other areas.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 59:17

But it also is self-affirming so like when you're stuck in that place. People can feel that energy, and no wonder why I wasn't booking as many jobs. So I was affirming that belief that I'm. My values are such as to look, and so people don't like me anymore because I don't look the same or because I don't not as young. So then that a belief gets reaffirmed and vice versa, in this belief that I'm in now of like no, I'm in my prime and like I'm in the best you're living your believe in my belief and then all of a sudden, I'm attracted because I'm exuding that energy.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 59:46

People can feel that, and then I'm attracting those abundance and all this and then that affirms that belief. So it's just either way. Like our minds are so powerful and so cool, um.

Lunden Souza: 59:55

I want to talk about and I don't know the name, but I just know you're doing something new with a therapy and it's movement based, and you invited me to come to something and I couldn't make it and I'm excited to come, but what help me?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:00:07

up more about that. I have been working. It's definitely like a, a deep soul calling um. Right now. We're calling it expression, therapy expression therapy okay I've gone back and forth a lot.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:00:18

So I'm like is it dance therapy? Is it expression therapy? Is it what is it? Um? And it's ultimately these kind of a program that I'm working on and um live experiences that I do, where I take people through all different kinds of forms of expression, cause I feel like in my life the biggest thing that I have felt when I feel stuck cause when you get stuck, it is it's really hard and the things that have helped me out of it it was like understanding that I could hear all the cool things in the world, like I could hear all the great podcasts and the books and the and the quotes and the phrases and on some level I'd understand it logically.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:00:55

But I was like, how come I'm not able to embody it though, like I'm not embodying it, and why do I feel like there's these blocks there still? And so when I learned, I'm like my whole life I've been using these tools of dance and singing and or sound expression and these tools of dance and singing and or sound expression and or writing and journaling, or breath work or guided meditation, like, or like all these forms of different um, using every sense that you have to express everything that is within you so that it is no longer suppressed, it is expressed and that humans we want to feel expressed and witnessed in that expression. And when you were able to have that in a full spectrum experience of every workshop I do, where everything has a specific topic that we go in around and there's specific journal prompts. So you're writing, you're writing out and you're expressing all that, all that bullshit that's in your mind. You're getting out on paper, you're slowing your brain down so you can actually see it, and then if people share it and they feel witnessed in that, and then we go into breathwork and somatic movement and you're we're using music as well that is aligned with that theme.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:01:58

So it's very it's all kind of this holistic experience. And then in the dance we're learning actually dance moves that are related to that same theme and that same mantra and we're singing out these intentions. That are the songs that I'm choosing are very like intentional and a lot of the lyrics are basically saying a lot of phrases that are helping with whatever the topic is. So you're singing, you're expressing in sound, you're expressing in movement, you're expressing in writing, you're expressing in the Hapona prayer and I using in other people and getting to feel witnessed in that, um, and it's's awesome, like it's so freaking powerful, all the things you love and use yeah, and then you get to and guided meditation, yeah and and really just you know I felt like.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:02:39

so I used all those tools to manifest whatever you want to say create, manifest, overcome, uh, not only playing the lead role in the sequels of the film that changed my life, which was the catalyst to my whole acting career, and since then I've done 45 films and have some really cool ones coming out this year as well.

Lunden Souza: 1:03:01

I loved going to alien. I went on a solo date to watch. I bought popcorn. I did the whole thing and it was so good and it was really funny and you're really funny like I'm sure you played other roles, I haven't seen other films I'm excited to watch more, but that one was really cute and, um yeah, like so entertaining.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:03:22

I loved every minute of it and yeah, so this and thank you so much. When you showed up, I was like I love her, like the fact that you drove that far and showed it was just like another world.

Lunden Souza: 1:03:30

It was so fun. Yeah, I had. Yeah, that theater was really cute too. It was like all right, it's like an old school and just like in a little corner, nice and quaint and so there were a lot of people.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:03:41

It was packed and you did a lot of different premieres for that there's a lot of her headcares and that was you know from when I started and produced, and it was. It's a big passion, project and labor of love, but and, as you know, in the creative process, anything you ever create like it's way harder than you think it's going to be, usually, um, when it comes, especially when you're making movies or making a podcast. So there's just like so many hurdles that you have to overcome and I think in, but I do feel like we're all here to create and we all have this unique magic and the world needs it.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:04:15

And oftentimes we can really get in our own way. I have gone in my own way so many times and I'm just these are the tools I go to and I was like I want to combine them all into one so that people can go and basically just get this full uh, everything that's in them that may be stuck or suppressed and get it out. Get it out through all the ways, both somatic, writing, sound and singing. And all the tools are like, not for what it looks like, but everything about how it makes you feel, how it helps you process challenging emotion. Because my life as a competitive dancer and actress and gymnast, all these tools were taught to me in a way of like it's about being perfect, it's about how it looks, and I somehow discovered that I was like wait, but this is so much more than that. Like this.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:04:58

This is because I would be navigating all these feelings of not feeling good enough or never being the best, like I wanted to be like all these different stuff, and I would just go in a dark room and I would dance my face off and I would like scream and cry and shout and dance and by the end of it I felt so fucking powerful and I was like wait, this is, this is like magic, and I want the world to be able to feel that and understand that. And it doesn't matter if people are like, oh, but I'm not a good dancer. I'm like I don't give a shit, like, and actually you probably never even got to a class, you don't even know I didn't know this yet, I just admitted it.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:05:34

Come here, so yeah so that's one of the things I think under relationship education we're doing. He's doing a lot of like men's work in his own kind of magic, and I'm doing my own kind of magic. I'm just bringing it on together.

Lunden Souza: 1:05:45

Yeah, magic magic for sure.

Lunden Souza: 1:05:48

Yeah, I just feel that that what you're describing of your events, and even like what you guys are doing, is that full embodiment of like, processing and becoming and processing and becoming. My friend, austin, often says like, yeah, that you, you know, to get to where you are in those moments, it's like the person that you have to become in order to create that, in order to do that is, is that work that we've been just talking about a ton you know today and then, wherever you're at now, it's like, yeah, that whole becoming process is huge and that's oftentimes why people just right and like, yeah, mediocre, what I like, you know, no, no judgment, but not doing that for myself, right, we can just start like, stay stuck and choose to stay stuck, and you have those moments to get unstuck and you're choosing to stay in that space. It's like that becoming process gets you to a very full embodiment, expression of that, and I love that you're incorporating all of the senses, yourselves, each other, all the things. What are you guys most excited about right now that you're creating?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:06:50

personally professionally.

Lunden Souza: 1:06:52

What are you?

Emilio Palafox: 1:06:53

I'll let you go first, well, to keep the theme of relationship, renegades, cause I mean, we're you know, we're in the team from wellness and then relationships. To stick with relationships, um, we just hired a YouTube team to like normally we've just been on like Instagram and Facebook and and, and we really haven't. We used to be on YouTube when we used to have our own radio show and we did that for a long time and we've kind of just like for many years have just like stopped there and just didn't do anything with it. But we've always been excited about like creating like our own saturday night live. But for relationships, you know we love comedy. You know we're always just being ridiculous together at the house and playing, uh, with like improv and comedy sketches and just like having fun with each other. And we love comedy because it just can break down walls and, uh, you can see deep-seated principles in there. If something's funny, people share, that it can create virality. So I think we're excited.

Emilio Palafox: 1:07:50

I'm excited about getting to work, starting actually next week with that YouTube team and really starting to develop a schedule to where, on one aspect, we'll have, of course, comedy sketches that you'll see just every single week, but two we'll also have like a live sort of radio show, if you will, where people can come to the live event.

Emilio Palafox: 1:08:09

We'll do the comedy sketches there, but also people can come and be on the hot seat where we can kind of, you know, coach them like just live hot seat kind of situation. And then, and then the third thing that'll be sort of in the near future, but a little down the line, sort of having our own production in terms of of. We'll have our own movies that we create from relationship renegades. But then also the youtube. One of the youtube people, um, part of the team, really wants us to create a show and they're going to help us with it, to create our like you know how they have like love on the island, or I don't even know what reality shows, but like but, like more of like getting couples over there to sort of live, like how to become like you know, they'll learn the principles and the tools and everything.

Emilio Palafox: 1:08:52

Yeah, and, like you know, the winner that basically abides by those follows, those, is able to um, embody those together individually. Right, they'll get like a big prize. Right, you win a million dollars. Wholesome reality. Yeah, it's like a wholesome reality, not like some tron. Not like some tron.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:09:07

I'll leave you and then you see me in the line of your life and I'm like.

Lunden Souza: 1:09:10

I know you're like we'll just have a fun.

Emilio Palafox: 1:09:19

Yeah, my favorite show to watch on YouTube is, and not that I'm excited to watch what you guys create is.

Lunden Souza: 1:09:24

I try to go through those shows but I'm excited for what? You guys do, because bringing relationships together and having them connect and dive deep and heal and feel sounds yeah.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:09:34

People learn these tools by watching other people do it. It was almost like Survivor for relationships, but you have to activate the tools to be able to overcome these challenges together and team up to overcome, like and see how people navigate their triggers and how they utilize these tools and how it can be super helpful or if or if they're not able to, and what they do, then and just just I mean be super, super fun.

Emilio Palafox: 1:09:55

Today we're excited about that? Yeah, so collectively, I would say that's what I'm excited about um going into the next phase because, like the previous phases were all traditional model, which is like the coaching, the speaking, the events, retreats, online programs and those are all great but you can only reach so much people with that, and because our vision is to co-create a world where healthy relationships are the new norm. That's like a huge vision. It may not come across, it may not even happen in my generation, might be my son's generation or my son's or our son's generation right or daughter's generation, but it's like when we think about like okay, what really can move the needle right, like media is a huge programmer.

Emilio Palafox: 1:10:32

Right, like the cia used media to like program society.

Emilio Palafox: 1:10:35

Like there's, like media is such a big thing, right, and so it's like, well, how do we, just because we're also the tv and film, how can we just go more to the creative model and like, not that we need to program people, but like people don't?

Emilio Palafox: 1:10:49

People don't haven't seen their nervous system Hasn't seen a healthy, happy, peaceful, playful relationship, and if your nervous system hasn't been in those experiences and witness those things, then you think it's impossible. You know, especially if you go through heartbreak and heartbreak and heartbreak and some trauma stuff, whatever, you're replaying the same movie over and over in your life, then you're like you think it's impossible, like that's never going to be me, I'm losing hope, like I can't open up my heart again and it's like no, like you can and it can be more beautiful, and like you deserve a higher love, a divine love, a beautiful, conscious, high vibe relationship, a divine love, a beautiful, conscious, high vibe relationship, and and and I think like we just want to be a beacon for that and and we're not the relationship renegades, by the way, like you're a relationship renegade.

Emilio Palafox: 1:11:35

We want to highlight all the relationship renegades out there that are doing the work so that society and media and can can see like they're just starting to see more of that right, and it's's like we're saturated with the media period, so like we're getting you know immersed in something and shifting that narrative so people can experience it and yeah, yeah

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:11:56

yeah because that was the biggest thing for me. I didn't, I, I didn't see it growing up I never saw. You know, my, my parents blessed them. They, they, our parents didn't have the tools that we have now, like the, the resource, the access to this kind of like. Everyone's always doing their best with what they have. I just feel like, because of the internet and social media and all these different um people who study and put out this beautiful relationship work, it's just so much more accessible.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:12:24

Like it is out there, you can find it it wasn't like that before, and so now I just think it's such a beautiful time to be able to, you know, but in the in the past, all kind of like hollywood type relationships where it was all about, like, the breakups and the divorce. And even when we first started dating, a big question was it was like, well, you're an actress, because he wasn't really acting at the time we got together. It's just a whole another beautiful story of what healthy partnership can do, can like bring out all these gifts that maybe we had suppressed. Um, but what if in all the magazines and the media, we were seeing all these beautiful, healthy, supportive relationships out there, like how different would the world be if, instead of seeing all these like tabloids of people that were like having all this drama and what they did to each other and how terrible and toxic it is, that just kind of becomes our reality and we think that's what the norm is Like, how different would it be? Because it's out there?

Emilio Palafox: 1:13:19

And it's just so subliminal too, Like you're at the moment, it's like the dad's always like the dumb way to like oh, I'm an idiot.

Lunden Souza: 1:13:34

You know and this and that, and the wife's always like the naggy wife, that's just as like bitchy and yeah, yeah, I mean there's like various examples, right, that's like maybe one of the many stereotypes that actually are quite reality in a lot of ways yeah, yeah, and it's like but and you can show the opposite, and there are some beautiful shows now that I think are doing a great job of teaching principles in a very entertaining way.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:13:48

I just think there's we're really passionate about creating edutainment of. You can learn these principles in a fun relatable way and you'll absorb it better too.

Lunden Souza: 1:13:57

Speaking of the brains like you're having fun and it's yeah, taking it in and I love that vision you guys are creating into what you said of like you can only do so much in this traditional way and then you have to. I read this book recently, or listen to it, because I love audible. Um 10 X is easier than two X, where it's like the mindset to double things.

Emilio Palafox: 1:14:17

Yes.

Lunden Souza: 1:14:18

Doesn't even hold a candle to the mindset. You need to 10 X things. And if you're like okay, this is my mission and goal and it's not just words and I want to bring legs to it, of being it being the new norm. Well, the new norm is quite the majority of you know a lot of people's lives, and so you know, it made me think of of that, of of just going to that next level in your relationship and your in your business and all of that.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:14:43

What are you?

Lunden Souza: 1:14:43

most excited about right now.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:14:44

Would you tack on to that? Yeah, definitely, I think, also just really excited about life. I think I'm just really in a state of because I think I did go through a really hard year last year and usually when you come out of really challenging chapters, it's like you realize how, man, I think that was the greatest gift.

Lunden Souza: 1:15:07

I'm really grateful for yeah just life.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:15:08

I just think because every day, um, and the space that I'm in now and all the younger versions of me that work so hard and had to be so brave, and really, really fucking proud of them.

Emilio Palafox: 1:15:20

And that feels really good.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:15:21

So I think I'm just really excited about, about the wholeness that I feel I worked really hard to get to go team, go team, you guys um before we sign off.

Lunden Souza: 1:15:36

Where can we find you? What's your guys?

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:15:38

we'll link everything, but just say it verbally, so those that are like well, I guess I should. I should also mention, like a little plug up I am also very excited about a film, a big film that I have coming out this year called Legend of the White Dragon. Legend of the White.

Lunden Souza: 1:15:51

Dragon.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:15:51

Legend of the White Dragon. Legend of the White Dragon. I play the main female superhero character in, which was a big dream come true for me, cause I always wanted to embody those like bad-ass female action hero characters. Yeah, such a special story. The message the message of the film is that even superheroes need help too, which I think is a very resonant, resonant message that we all need.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:16:13

Um, and my dear friend who played the main guy in it that I play opposite, jason david frank, sadly is no longer with us. He ended up taking his life right after we finished the film. It was really hard, it was very shocking. A lot of people, myself included, were devastated and, um, I I feel him often and I'm very close with his daughter and his wife, who are also his daughter's in the movie. Um, and there's been, it has been such a journey of healing, but it's, I think it will be very, very, very impactful.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:16:53

I know a lot of people are very excited about the film. It's been like four years in making. So, yeah, I'm just really so. It'll be coming out, most likely this summer, fall-ish, but very excited about that and the huge mental health initiative that is associated with the film because of what happened and the very real story that I hope will, because you know, on set we jason and I talked about that all the time just wanting to use this film as a way to share our stories and inspire people and help as many people as possible, and I feel like obviously it will look very different than I thought it would, um, but I do think it has the potential to have a lot of people who are really struggling and hopefully that they feel really seen in it, um, and hopefully the and so we work at the events in the common cause that we do just want to just love on people.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:17:51

We need a lot more love, like real, divine, unconditional love, uh, and where people feel safe, seen, heard and loved, and I just want to do that as much as I possibly can. Um so excited about that and you can find that. Um, our social media together is at relationship and then mine is at our. Brooke Smith on Instagram.

Emilio Palafox: 1:18:15

And mine's at. Emilio underscore Palafox underscore but if you go to relationship. Both of our individual profiles are there and then all the links is basically on there of all the different things that we're up to, especially since you brought up movies, yeah.

Emilio Palafox: 1:18:32

We're going to be in a Christmas movie this Christmas. Yeah, you know, we got to like how crazy surreal is it that, like you know, we're like playing leads in this rom-com Christmas movie and I get to fall in love with my love all over again on the big screen and just like Play on the big screen, you know, and so that'll be really cool.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:18:53

Yeah, I'm gonna do another episode when that's more coming out, because that's a whole other journey of like what it's like to work together and now we can yeah, we should process it we should for sure something seasonal, something for the holidays.

Lunden Souza: 1:19:06

Relationship stuff. And yeah, I'm excited to see that movie. I remember when you were making it. I'm excited to check out more of what you guys create. It's a pleasure to know you. I mean to watch you and then to know you in the way that I have gotten to. So thank you guys for being here today and for your time and heart thanks for having us more play together oh my god, thank you so much peace

Lunden Souza: 1:19:33

everybody thanks yeah thank you every time that I have done three podcasts at home with people that can come here you know, and at the end, I always love the hug afterwards. Courtney did an episode on domestic violence, elisa talked about her leaving the church and self-expression, and so this table is magic.

Rachel Brooke Smith : 1:19:55

Yes, the table, the table. It's such a great.

Lunden Souza: 1:20:07

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Self Love and Sweat, the Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode or were inspired by it or something resonated with you, do me a favor and share this episode with a friend, someone that you think might enjoy this episode as well. That's the ultimate compliment and the best way to make this podcast ripple out into the world of others, and also you can leave us a review up to five stars wherever you're listening to the podcast. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you at the next episode. I appreciate you.