Self Love & Sweat The Podcast

QMR #3: How to Listen Better Using S.E.A.

June 02, 2023 Lunden Souza Season 1 Episode 126
Self Love & Sweat The Podcast
QMR #3: How to Listen Better Using S.E.A.
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Are you struggling to connect with others through communication? Discover the life-changing power of the S-E-A acronym to enhance your listening skills and create meaningful connections in this thought-provoking quick mindset reset episode. Learn how becoming aware of each element and how mastering their use can fundamentally transform your communication style, creating an environment where both you and your conversation partners feel heard and valued. Don't miss this insightful conversation that will revolutionize the way you connect with others!

More 'Quick Mindset Reset' Episodes:
QMR #1 Reframing Your Words
QMR #2: Believing your next believable thought & "toxic positivity"
QMR #4 Observation vs. Evaluations
QMR #5 Shine your light where you are

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Lunden Souza:  Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the place where you'll get inspired to live your life unapologetically, embrace your perfect imperfections, break down barriers, and do what sets your soul on fire. I'm your host Lunden Souza.

Lunden Souza: Hey, have you grabbed your free self love and sweat monthly calendar yet? This calendar is so amazing. It comes right in your inbox every single month to help you have a little nugget of wisdom, a sweaty workout, a mindset activity, just a little something. Something to help keep you focused and motivated and keep that momentum towards your goals. So every day when you get this calendar, you'll see a link that you can click that will lead to a podcast episode or a workout or something that will be very powerful and quick to read. And then you'll also see on the top left corner of every single day there's a little checkbox in the calendar. And what that is, is that's for your one thing. You can choose one thing every month, or it can be the same something that you want to implement and make this something that you can easily implement, like daily meditation or getting a certain amount of steps or water, for example, and staying hydrated and even taking your supplements. This can be something, if you want to get more regular, doing a particular habit and routine, you can choose what that checkbox means. So if you want your self love and sweat free monthly calendar delivered right to your inbox every month on the first of the month, go to Fill out the form really quickly and you will have your calendar and your inbox within a few short minutes. That's Go get yours for free and enjoy this episode

Lunden Souza: Welcome back to the podcast and another quick mindset reset QMR in five minutes or less. That's my goal. You guys know I could talk, but in five minutes or less. in these QMR episodes I want to deliver something super, super valuable, something really profound, something that can give you that shift in a really short amount of time. And today I want to talk about this acronym S-E-A, like the ocean SEA, that can help you connect better in communication and ultimately listen better. Right, i know that I can think of times where I've done this or where someone's done this to me, where you can just tell they're not really listening, they're just listening for a pause so that way they can say what they're thinking about saying in the moment. And I don't know about you, but I've caught myself doing that before, where you're just like not fully listening, and I think that this actually I know that this acronym is really profound. 

Lunden Souza: I actually came up with it in at a retreat that I co-hosted in Costa Rica in 2018, and we all, kind of collectively, came up with it and it's been something that I've used in my friendships a lot, especially when I moved to Austria. I have some really close friends that we would do escape rooms together and we just became super, super close. There's still, like some of my dear friends in the whole world and this acronym. We ask each other. So when one of us goes to share something that we might be struggling with, we say hey, do you want S-E or A? So that way, when we're listening, we can actually listen in a way, knowing that we can respond in a way that will help the person that we're communicating with feel most heard. So, for the sake of keeping these episodes short and sweet, let's jump right in. So the first letter is S stands for silent or silence. Do you want silence? Sometimes people just want to vent and just want to get out what they're feeling. They don't want someone to really like say anything or do anything about it. It's really just about holding that space, and that's what the S is for. E is for empathy. Do you want some empathy? Do you want someone to really go with you in the place where you're going and really attempt to feel what you might be feeling? 

Lunden Souza: I remember a close friend of mine his daughter had cancer and luckily she's doing so much better now and I remember having a conversation with him and I said something along the way along the lines of like, oh my gosh, i can't imagine how that might feel. And he said to me okay, we'll try, try. How do you think it could feel for me as a dad with my wife? They have a son or they had a. I think they have three kids now, actually, but their son, their older son, they had him, and then their second daughter was the one who had cancer and you know he was like, imagine how that might feel. And Whoa, that was so profound for me, because to really think about and spend time in What that could potentially feel like Was an opportunity for me, even though I could never possibly know what that could be like. I feel like even when we have similar situations, we still can't specifically know how that person really feels, because we're not them. But when we try and as he says, you know, try London that was really profound for me. And so sometimes we just want someone to Come to where they think we might be and sit in that space and feel what they, they might be feeling. And so that's E. 

Lunden Souza: And then a is advice, and I'll be honest, this is one that I often jump to quickly, but that's because most of the time people come to me and I, you know they'll ask for advice, like what would you do, what do you think? and and oftentimes I'll ask like, do you want my advice? and They'll say, yeah, oh my gosh, tell me what you think I should do, what would you do? and so most recently I found myself really jumping to the, a right jumping to giving advice. When you know a particular person, you know that I'm talking with, or whatever. They might want silence or they might want empathy. 

Lunden Souza: And I kind of forgot to ask that acronym and so I was reminded because, yeah, my close friend, alex, who I love, who I met in Austria, we use that a lot, we use se a a lot. In fact, he added some other letters that have helped him and his boyfriend community, his husband, communicate even better and Help him communicate with other people better. And so I, i just yeah, I don't know. Alex, if you're listening, i totally appreciate our friendship, and if you're not listening, for those listening. It's so great to have friends that can have that dialogue right where it's like hey, okay, i know you're about to like share how you're feeling. What do you need? se or a? and Silence, empathy or advice, and I think that for some situations It can be awkward if that's not how you're used to communicating, but it can really be so helpful, and when I shared that with them the first time, they were like, oh my gosh, that's so great, like let's keep using that. 

Lunden Souza: So, in this quick mindset reset, i just want to offer that to you s e or a right. When someone starts to unpack, you might just be like, hey, really quick, what would you like? Do you do want silence? Do you want me to just sit here and hold space with you? Do you want empathy? Do you want me to really tap into what you might be feeling and, in some cases, like cry with you? You know, if we have that rapport with the person and we can do that, or do you want advice? because then we are tuned in Listening in a way that allows us to respond, like I said, in the way that the person feels most heard. So there you have it, this quick mindset reset. Go out and communicate better in your relationships using se a. 

Lunden Souza: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of self love and sweat the podcast. Hey, do me a favor wherever you're listening to this podcast, give us a review This really helps a lot and share this with a friend. I'm only one person and with your help, we can really spread the message of self-love and sweat and change more lives all around the world. I'm Lunden Souza, reminding you that you deserve a life full of passion, presence and purpose, fueled by self-love and sweat. This podcast is a hitspot Austria production. 

Using S.E.A. to be a better listener